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AD What is Emotional Validation in Relationships? and 4 signs you’re being invalidated

It’s important that we feel validated in all aspects of our lives; whether it’s in our job, amongst our friends and especially within our romantic relationships. But what does it mean to be validated, and how do we know if we’re being invalidated? What is emotional validation? Validation, or more specifically, emotional validation, is where someone attempts to learn and understand our emotions and communicates with us to help us work through any issues we may be having. This doesn’t mean that they agree with our feelings or tell us that we are right to feel a certain way. Rather, it is a process of working together to better understand why we may be feeling the way we are. Much like honesty, trust and communication, emotional validation is fundamental to any long-lasting, healthy relationship. If an individual doesn’t feel like their emotions are being validated, it can often lead to some serious issues that can eventually break down the relationship. With this in mind, let’s take a look at some clear signs that you’re being emotionally invalidated. Your Partner doesn’t listen If you feel that “the lights are on, but nobody’s home” while you are trying to talk to your partner about something that is affecting you emotionally, it is a sign that your emotions are not being validated. Emotions are hugely personal, and speaking about them and having the other person be absent-minded isn’t only insulting; it can also be incredibly hurtful.  It could be the case that your partner has other things on their mind, or they might feel that your feelings aren’t warranted. Either way, it’s important that your partner listens to you and at least attempts to understand how you’re feeling. Your partner tells you how you should feel Sometimes we feel strongly about things that seem small to others; whether it’s an argument at work or small fallout with a friend. We can sometimes find ourselves brought to tears by things that might leave others feeling indifferent. However, a big part of emotional validation is realising that what might seem small to us can feel cataclysmic to others. So, if your partner tells you that you shouldn’t feel a certain way about an issue, or even goes so far as to say that your feelings aren’t warranted, you need to address it with them and let them know that your feelings are in fact justified. Instead of shooting your emotions down, they should discuss them with you and support you in working through them. Your partner says that you are too sensitive Although everyone is susceptible to taking things personally, being told you are too sensitive is not the right way to deal with the matter and can be incredibly damaging. Instead, you should be able to discuss the issue with your partner and they should make an effort to understand. Even if you might have “overreacted”, being told that you are being too sensitive will do nothing to solve the issue. In fact, all it will do is make the situation worse and lead you to feel further distress. Your partner shuts you down during arguments Disagreements, discussions and outright arguments are common in any relationship – and can actually be a sign that you both care enough about your relationship and are willing to fight for it. However, if your partner isn’t ready to hear you out and listen to what you have to say, it is a clear sign that they don’t value how you feel. Often, it is not the arguments themselves that cause relationships to break down; rather, it is how couples respond to differences of opinion. A good way to respond to an argument is with a glass-half-full approach, and see them as a way for your relationship to grow. However, if your partner isn’t showing any sort of validation for your feelings, you need to address this with them if you want your relationship to carry on. Why is emotional validation so important? No matter how mentally tough we might think we are, no one is impervious to having a bad day or feeling down about something at work or home, and as a result, there comes a time when we need someone to listen and try and understand how we’re feeling.  If we can’t find that validation in our partner, the one person we should be able to trust the most with our innermost feelings, it can lead us to feel isolated, depressed or even anxious. These feelings can often cause us to spiral and experience mental or emotional trauma. Emotional validation is therefore crucial on every level, even if we think something is small or insignificant – it is our duty to look out for partners’ happiness and well-being. If you feel that your emotions are not being validated, or you’d like to know more about how to approach your partner concerning some of the issues that have been raised above, relationship counselling or private therapy can help. The Awareness Centre offers a wide range of counselling and therapy services that help clients work through issues with their partners. Book a free consultation with one of their specialists to find out about services that might suit you. 

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