How do you tell people that you're getting divorced?  That yes, you get along with your soon to be ex-spouse, but things just aren't going to work out for various reasons.  That he'll always be one of your best friends and you'll always love him, just not romantically.

It's a hard thing to do.  Most of the time when people hear the "D" word, they are hearing it accompanied by negatives about the spouse they aren't talking to.  Are there negatives?  Of course.  About both of us.  We've both shocked people with the news, many of them not knowing what to say.  At a restaurant last week we were teasing each other about who would pay and the cashier asked if we were married.  My immediate response was "no, divorcing."  She looked at me like I was crazy and her response was that we get along so well so I was obviously joking.  It's funny to me that divorce has such a negative connotation and that you can't possibly have tried to work things out because you're still smiling and laughing with each other.

Our fights have decreased significantly since deciding to separate/divorce.  We don't have the stress of trying to make each other happy anymore and we're free to do whatever we want to do.  I can go out to the bar on a Friday night with my friends and not worry about whether he'll be mad at me and he can do whatever he wants to without worrying that I had already made plans for us.  He can sit and watch football/talk about football/read about football all day and it has no effect on me or what I want to do.  We still hang out, sit and watch tv together, and go to dinner sometimes, but there's no pressure to please each other.  All of this is such a relief after the past four years since the issues started.  I'm glad we ended things when we did instead of continuing on the miserable path we were on.  That we can continue to be friends instead of just civil to each other at best.  Instead of fighting over who gets what movies, we figured out which ones obviously belonged to each of us (ex. Disney=me, sci-fi=him) and then with any that were contested, we put them out in the middle of the floor and took turns picking which ones we wanted.  There weren't any arguments even though I know I got ones he wanted and he got ones I wanted because it was done fairly.

So now I'm moving out.  Starting my new adventure as a single woman.  Getting my own apartment close to school and working hard to get through nursing school with no drama (or as little as possible).  I won't have to worry about the 45 minute drive at 7:00am, hoping that I make it to my 8:00 class/clinical on time.  I won't have to worry about saving gas on a Friday evening instead of going to meet with a study group.  I'll be able to have a life, to see my friends, and to just enjoy the last two years before starting my career in a way that I couldn't while I was married and living 45 minutes away.  I need to go out, to be young, to have fun.  I can get involved with things on campus because I don't have to worry about the cost of gas or making it home by 9:00pm so I can get to bed to be up on time to leave in the morning.  I'll have more time to study while still having time to go out and have fun.

I'm not going to lie-I'm terrified of this new adventure.  This is the first time in almost 9 years I've been single-it's scary.  As I've been saying for over a week, it's time to learn to love myself.  I think that getting my own place and spending more time on things that I love is the key to this.  I'll make mistakes, who doesn't, but I'm working hard to realize that this can go one of two ways: 1) I can pity myself and spend the next two years sad and lonely, or 2) I can do everything I can to enjoy the time that I'll have by myself, the experiences I'll have in nursing school, and the friends that I already have and will make.  I can enjoy being single for the first time in my life, enjoy not having to answer to anyone but myself.

I choose to enjoy.  To finish out my 20s strong, healthy, and happy.  To start taking walks at night and eventually turn those walks into runs.  I'm putting myself first for the first time in my life and it feels good.