The statement "Women like to clean more" certainly got people talking, including one woman who called for a change in how we perceive and understand gender roles in relation to cleaning, firmly stating, “No one is inherently born genetically to enjoy cleaning.”
Exposing Gendered Cleaning Stereotypes
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Zoë Condliffe, the founder and CEO of the activist start-up She's a Crowd, recently shared a now-viral TikTok video calling out men saying that the reason women take on a greater share of cleaning duties is that they "like to clean more."
Unconscious Bias in Cleaning Responsibilities
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The PhD candidate from Victoria, Australia, captured the attention of viewers with her thought-provoking views on domestic labor and cleaning in relationships. In the widely viewed TikTok video, which has amassed over 658k views, Zoë argues:
"One of the most common things you'll ever hear from a progressive, heterosexual couple is, 'Yeah, she does more of the cleaning, but it's because she likes it that way. If I don't want my house that clean, why should I be the one to clean it? She has different standards [than] me."
Societal Gaslighting
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Continuing in the video, Zoë further denounces the cleaning argument as a subtle type of "vague societal gaslighting that people don't even know they're engaging in."
Domestic Capabilities
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She delves into the detrimental effects of this phenomenon, particularly for women, explaining, "We have so much internalized guilt around our domestic capabilities. ...And we're taught throughout our entire childhood that we are going to be valued based on our looks and our ability to be domestic goddesses. ...Men are just not taught this or exposed to this."
Unrelated to Genetics or Gender
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Zoë highlights that cleaning is not an inherent trait or preference one is born with, stating, "No one is inherently born genetically to enjoy cleaning, and no one is inherently born to enjoy a cleaner house. That's not something you're born into when you're born with a vagina.”
Cleaning as a Socialized Expectation
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In her argument, Zoë asserts that rather than cleaning being an inherent trait, it is a product of socialization.
“So, women are gonna be much more attuned to the fact that if a guest comes over, and the house isn't in a good state, it will be the woman who is more likely judged for that than the man. And she is cripplingly aware of that fact," she continues.
The Privilege of Not Caring
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In a thought-provoking conclusion, Zoë challenges the common notion that women's apparent care for cleaning is merely a matter of personal preference. "So, it's easy to say, 'Oh, well, she just cares more about it. I don't care, so I'm not gonna do it, but that is a gross simplification of the matter.”
“Why does she care? Why is it important? And what are you actually getting away with when you say, 'I don't care?' Because it's a privilege not to have to care about those things."
Zoë’s TikTok Strikes a Chord
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The TikToker’s argument resonated deeply with many viewers, particularly among women who have personally experienced the situations she described. One user even argued that the issue extends beyond internalized guilt.
“It’s not even internalized,” they argued. “We are for real shamed and for real guilted by loved ones on the state of our house, our pile of dishes, etc. It’s hurtful.”
Success Story
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Zoë shared with BuzzFeed that the idea for her video originated from a conversation with a partner who had made a remark about cleaning in relation to his previous relationship. "I debunked his entire claim to the point where he was like, 'Wow, I never considered all that, that was an incredible conversation, thanks so much for educating me.'”
“I then noticed an extreme change in his behavior: he started contributing a lot more to the household labor and did every single job there was to do without me having to ask or 'project manage' the chores. It got me thinking about the dozens of times I have heard this mistaken view by men, and how to educate others on the topic."
“She Enjoys Cleaning”
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When asked why this way of thinking is so common, Zoë offered an insightful perspective, stating, "When it comes to gender and domestic labor, the situation is far from simple. It's not just a matter of 'she likes it cleaner than me,' or 'she enjoys cleaning, so why should I have to do it if she has higher standards?'”
Statistical Reality
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Zoë provides supporting evidence by referring to statistics from the Australian Bureau of Statistics, which indicate that only 42% of men contribute to housework, while 70% of women do so. She emphasizes that this significant discrepancy is not attributable to women having more free time, but rather to the deeply ingrained gender roles that exist in society.
The TikToker argues that these roles are so deeply embedded and socialized that they often operate on an unconscious level, leading to a lack of awareness regarding their influence and impact.
Judgment in Household, Parenting, & Appearance
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Zoë strongly believes that compared to men, women face “much harsher judgment” for the state of their homes, parenting style, and appearance.“Therefore, it is crucial for couples to establish an agreed-upon standard of care for their home and strive to meet halfway on those standards,” she continues.
Breaking the Chains
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Calling for a progressive change, Zoë firmly asserts the need to break free from “ outdated and gendered stereotypes and roles” burden women with an unequal share of domestic labor, alongside the mental and emotional labor required to effectively manage a home.
Message to Men
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Zoë also emphasizes that the ways in which men can assist in reducing the domestic burden on their female partners vary from household to household. "Every household is unique,” she stresses, “and ultimately, it boils down to personal choices.”
“It's crucial for men to recognize that women face greater scrutiny and criticism if the home doesn't meet a certain standard. Within a heterosexual dynamic, it's not acceptable for men to dismiss the issue as 'her domain' and leave women to shoulder an unfair burden of domestic labor on top of their paid jobs, as is increasingly expected of women today."
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