3. It is okay to grieve for a time.
I can sometimes be a little harsh, I know, so I want to take a moment, to remind both of us that Grieving over our loss is not sin. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 reminds us that sorrow is an activity of a normal life here on this fallen, sinful planet.
For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.
Jesus himself grieved over the loss of a loved one. The shortest verse in the Bible is also one of the most powerful: “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). It reminds us not only of the humanity of Jesus, but of His understanding of our need to grieve a loss.
Not grieving is just as unhealthy as remaining in grief. Don’t try to be “strong” and avoid your grief. This will cause many more problems for you. Understand and accept the fact that your heart needs to express its sorrow over the loss it feels before it can move on. Alternatively, if it seems that you have been grieving longer than is normal. How long is too long? Psychologists use a timeline of two months of intense grieving and up to eighteen months of active grieving for the loss of a loved one. If you have been grieving longer than this, or if you feel “stuck” in your feelings of grief, you may be having difficulty moving on. You may need to seek out a Christian counselor or other professional to help you address these issues. Find someone who will give you not just text book advice, but biblical advice as well. Within this group, I encourage you to be open and transparent, and share your heart. If you are grieving, don’t be ashamed to acknowledge it. If you are not, be ready and willing to “be a shoulder to cry on” for those who are going through the grieving process around you. You don’t necessarily have to have anything earth-moving to say, just a willingness to listen and a compassionate heart. Sharing our grief with others is important to our recovery.
“Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:5
But just as grieving is natural, moving on is also natural—and necessary.
4. God has given us the power to overcome the world.
This power is founded in the blood of Jesus, and inherited by our adoption into the family of God.
“For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith.” I John 5:4
“Look, I have given you authority over all the power of the enemy, and you can walk among snakes and scorpions and crush them. Nothing will injure you.” Luke 10:19
God has given us the power to overcome the world, but we rarely exercise it. Why? Because it’s costly. It costs our flesh its indulgences. Because to exercise that authority over the world and its ravages, we must live a life devoted to God and steeped in His holiness. That’s a life that our flesh doesn’t easily surrender to, but that our spirit is longing for.
“My soul yearns for You in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for You.” Isaiah 26:9
The Bible tells us that if we have faith like a mustard seed, we can move mountains. No doubt you’ve heard that many, many times, but if you are anything like me, you probably believed that it was saying: “if you believe it enough, you can do anything”. But faith is not a question of mental assent. Faith is so much more than just believing something hard enough; it’s a lifestyle. Faith is lived out every day, not just in the moment we need it. Although I really want to expound on that thought, we will reserve that for a later chapter.
5. We are called to a higher calling.
We have been called to bring hope to a world that is perishing in hopeless darkness. How can we do the things that matter for eternity if we are preoccupied with our own hurts?
“You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” Matthew 5:13-16
I am in no way making light of the hurt that you or I have felt at a miscarriage or years of unsuccessfully trying to conceive, but I am trying to remind us both that we died to this life, and that our real life is hidden with Christ (Colossians 3:3). There are people perishing all around us, in need of the hope we can give them, and we simply don’t have time to waste in bitterness and regret.
For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true. Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness.” Ephesians 5:8-10
Bitterness is truly a worthless deed of darkness. It has no place in the life of someone who has been redeemed by the shed blood of Jesus. The world desperately needs the light we have inside, but if we keep it hidden under a shroud of depression and anger, we are not going to be able to fulfill our destiny as Christians.
I am not asking you to forget your experience, or the desire you have to be a mother. I am asking you to remember your higher calling in it all; to temper duty with desire. I am asking you to remember that we are still in the middle of a battle and those around us need us to fight.
I can sometimes be a little harsh, I know, so I want to take a moment, to remind both of us that Grieving over our loss is not sin. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 reminds us that sorrow is an activity of a normal life here on this fallen, sinful planet.
For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.
Jesus himself grieved over the loss of a loved one. The shortest verse in the Bible is also one of the most powerful: “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). It reminds us not only of the humanity of Jesus, but of His understanding of our need to grieve a loss.
Not grieving is just as unhealthy as remaining in grief. Don’t try to be “strong” and avoid your grief. This will cause many more problems for you. Understand and accept the fact that your heart needs to express its sorrow over the loss it feels before it can move on. Alternatively, if it seems that you have been grieving longer than is normal. How long is too long? Psychologists use a timeline of two months of intense grieving and up to eighteen months of active grieving for the loss of a loved one. If you have been grieving longer than this, or if you feel “stuck” in your feelings of grief, you may be having difficulty moving on. You may need to seek out a Christian counselor or other professional to help you address these issues. Find someone who will give you not just text book advice, but biblical advice as well. Within this group, I encourage you to be open and transparent, and share your heart. If you are grieving, don’t be ashamed to acknowledge it. If you are not, be ready and willing to “be a shoulder to cry on” for those who are going through the grieving process around you. You don’t necessarily have to have anything earth-moving to say, just a willingness to listen and a compassionate heart. Sharing our grief with others is important to our recovery.
“Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:5
But just as grieving is natural, moving on is also natural—and necessary.
4. God has given us the power to overcome the world.
This power is founded in the blood of Jesus, and inherited by our adoption into the family of God.
“For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith.” I John 5:4
“Look, I have given you authority over all the power of the enemy, and you can walk among snakes and scorpions and crush them. Nothing will injure you.” Luke 10:19
God has given us the power to overcome the world, but we rarely exercise it. Why? Because it’s costly. It costs our flesh its indulgences. Because to exercise that authority over the world and its ravages, we must live a life devoted to God and steeped in His holiness. That’s a life that our flesh doesn’t easily surrender to, but that our spirit is longing for.
“My soul yearns for You in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for You.” Isaiah 26:9
The Bible tells us that if we have faith like a mustard seed, we can move mountains. No doubt you’ve heard that many, many times, but if you are anything like me, you probably believed that it was saying: “if you believe it enough, you can do anything”. But faith is not a question of mental assent. Faith is so much more than just believing something hard enough; it’s a lifestyle. Faith is lived out every day, not just in the moment we need it. Although I really want to expound on that thought, we will reserve that for a later chapter.
5. We are called to a higher calling.
We have been called to bring hope to a world that is perishing in hopeless darkness. How can we do the things that matter for eternity if we are preoccupied with our own hurts?
“You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” Matthew 5:13-16
I am in no way making light of the hurt that you or I have felt at a miscarriage or years of unsuccessfully trying to conceive, but I am trying to remind us both that we died to this life, and that our real life is hidden with Christ (Colossians 3:3). There are people perishing all around us, in need of the hope we can give them, and we simply don’t have time to waste in bitterness and regret.
For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true. Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness.” Ephesians 5:8-10
Bitterness is truly a worthless deed of darkness. It has no place in the life of someone who has been redeemed by the shed blood of Jesus. The world desperately needs the light we have inside, but if we keep it hidden under a shroud of depression and anger, we are not going to be able to fulfill our destiny as Christians.
I am not asking you to forget your experience, or the desire you have to be a mother. I am asking you to remember your higher calling in it all; to temper duty with desire. I am asking you to remember that we are still in the middle of a battle and those around us need us to fight.
