Notice I didn't say that I am old.  Because I'm not.  And I will never be.  I am the coolest, hippest, youngest mom/grandma on the planet and I plan to stay that way for-fucking-EVER and you can take that to the BANK.

But I am noticing changes and this one hurts most of all.  It cuts me to the core and leaves me raw and bleeding on the road of life.  This is the cruelest, most inhumane, beastly sign of getting older and I'm not sure what I'm going to do or how I'm going to handle it.  It's just too painful.

It's not the post menopausal weight gain.  I've made peace with these 40 extra pounds.  If they are insistent on sticking around well then so be it.  But I'm not letting them kill me.  I'm dedicated to being a carb-less carni/herbivore that will keep my blood pressure and cholesterol/tryglycerides in check and therefore keep me healthy.  I'm committed to 10,000 steps a day and anything else that will keep me active and vital.  So if those extra pounds like me all that much...I guess we can co-exist.

It's not gray hair because I don't have any.  Yep, 52 1/2 years old and no gray hair.  It's genetics so I don't take any credit for it.  I still color my hair though.  My actual hair color is the blahest, dowdiest, light brown you've ever seen.  I hate it.  So I color it and it's a different color every 6-8 weeks which is fun and hip.  But it's not because it's gray...because I'm on trend!!!!  Right!  Yes...just nod.

It's not that I can't hear or can't remember anything (because I've never been able to remember anything), or that my teeth are falling out or that my knee aches from too many aerobics classes for too many years on hard floors with the wrong shoes.  No...that's not it.

It's because I've lost my passion for SHOES!

Look away...I'm hideous.

I am a shoe-aholic and, up until recently, damn proud of it!  I still love shoes - I haven't totally lost my fucking mind - it's just that recently I've begun to get uh...more...um...sensible about the shoes I buy. (Wait...I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.)

The shoes I'm buying are still on trend but...uh...gulp...the heels are lower; the toe box is roomier; the colors are more neutral than my usual "POW".  They are more...ugh!...COMFORTABLE!  And I'm seeking them out!  I'm buying them ON PURPOSE.  It's not like I buy a pair of stilettos and accidentally happen upon a pair that is actually comfortable (I do have a couple of pair like that).  It's that I insist on comfort before I buy them!

No more, "I'll break them in," or "they'll probably work with a pair of tights", or "my toes aren't THAT squished".  No, now it's all, "Nope...too tight," or "Nope...can't feel my pinky toe," or the worst..."Nope, the heel is too high!"

Wait...I'm feeling faint.

I'm the girl who spent six weeks on crutches and still wore one high heel every day!  I had to replace all my shoes after the cast came off because one heel of each pair was worn down more than the other.  For reals people...I was serious about my heels.  I used to teach for eight hours in four inch heels and then walk to dinner with colleagues in the same shoes.  Change shoes for dinner?  What do you think I am?  OLD?

Yes...sniff...I am.

And to prove to you how bad this is...I want to introduce you to my most recent shoe investment...