I’m going to warn you right now that Soul Calibur Legends seems to have given up on trying to provide any kind of meaningful story justification for its fetch quests, so the next couple of missions will probably be short. In place of the traditional new characters and story things (which were always poorly written, but at least made an attempt), we’re now stuck with Iska’s random segues into self-pitying memories, and they’re so cringe-inducingly bad that I refuse to embed any more screenshots of them. These can be viewed in the embedded video for anyone curious, but it’s not a good use of time commenting on how universally stilted the emotion is in this game.

[Click here to start from the first progress log]

One of the maps we need to find Cervantes—and yes, we need multiple ones—was stolen by Leone d’Oro during “the battle.” At no point in the Pirate’s Traces mission does anyone bother explaining which specific battle we’re talking about, nor is the “why” behind Leone d’Oro’s map theft addressed. Effectively, we have to go kill a bunch of those thieves again despite ostensibly destroying their headquarters and scattering them into the wind because we apparently can’t do anything right.

You know how old shooters were designed as mazes with color-coded doors? Yeah, that’s what this Pirate’s Traces mission feels like. You wander around, killing enemies in bland, same-y areas that are easy to confuse with each other, and occasionally smash a stone thing that opens up new doors. Then there’s the obligatory Fafnir impersonator fight (it’s simply embarrassing watching Soul Calibur Legends try to relive past glories that weren’t anywhere near as glorious as it seems to think), and that’s really it. You beat the dragon thing, wander around getting lost because everything looks the same, and eventually come across some tents that you smash. Mission over. This was totally a valuable use of our time! Clearly!

You see, the reason we need two maps is that they’re those super-duper secret maps that have to be stacked on top of one another in order to reveal the location! Cervantes has been watching too many of those National Treasure movies.

[Click here to go to Soul Calibur Legends log #18 – Mysterious Warrior]

The post Soul Calibur Legends: Progress Log #19 – Pirate’s Traces appeared first on Killa Penguin.