[Click here to start from the first progress log]

Soul Calibur Legends might be entirely centered around flailing the Wiimote around until waves of enemies who spawn in from thin air are dead, as the Cyprus Arena level consists of nothing more. There’s not even a mansion offering a vague sense of exploration this time: just a circular battle arena with a ton of enemies who need to be whacked to death before the atrocious camera lets them hit you from behind.

It’s hard to understand the purpose of providing quest conditions if every mission boils down to “run forward and kill things while avoiding being killed yourself,” but I’m holding out hope that it means that something more substantive lies deeper in. Then again, this Cyprus Arena mission revolves around acquiring a key, but that’s accomplished with the same flailing that recruited Ivy and saved Leonardo da Vinci. I think flailing might be all there ever is. Shrug. Maybe I’ll duct tape my Wiimote to a paint shaker and officially be the best Soul Calibur Legends player in history.

The reason we need a key is that the dragon we’re hunting has taken up residence in a northern cathedral that’s been locked since Sweden conquered Finland 300 years ago. I don’t know why we need a key, though. If it’s locked, the dragon can’t get in and we only need to scale the building (this situation calls for a grappling hook!), and if that giant dragon can get in, then there’s obviously a huge, monster-sized entrance at the top that could also be accessed with a grappling hook.

Ivy—whose trademark weapon could conceivably be used as a kind of grappling hook—explains that she’s already found the key to the cathedral, though she means “found” in the sense that she knows where it is rather than in the sense that it’s already in her pocket. It turns out that the former king of Sweden lost the cathedral key in a bet at a tournament. That raises so many questions, but let’s just assume that this makes perfect sense. Iska subsequently laments the stupidity of royals, apparently forgetting that he serves an emperor as a court jester, and all that’s left is to enter the Cyprus Arena and kill a bunch of things to get the key. Sure, why not.

Here’s a fun little thing about aging technology: at some point I lost the backs to most of my Wiimotes (long story), so games that consist of lots of motion occasionally knock the batteries loose. Believe it or not, that wasn’t what happened in the video below. The Wiimote just freaked out over nothing and lost its connection while the lights were still on, and fixing it took slightly longer than usual because the only fix was to remove a battery and put it back in. It wasn’t a particularly long interruption, but it was certainly long enough to warrant a short explanation.

As I mentioned earlier, this Cyprus Arena level consists of a small platform that you fight a ton of enemies on. Its circular nature makes it easy to get hit from behind (especially since Soul Calibur Legends has a terrible targeting system), but otherwise it’s a pretty easy level. You just do horizontal attacks to keep groups busy, vertical attacks to finish off single enemies, and hope that your motions translate into the correct attack. The part at 4:00 is ridiculous, though. I had just finished off a skeleton, so I ran back around looking for more enemies, only for a bunch to spawn right next to me and attack before the camera managed to even swivel in their direction. Then a popup appears explaining that special enemies drop items when defeated, and I get hit by a bunch of attacks the second the popup disappears. Finally, I beat them and no items appear. These tutorials are worthlessly vague.

With the Cyprus Arena behind us and the key somehow acquired in the process, Iska takes the opportunity to share a weird story his sister told him about how Finnish warriors led by a man named Sigurd barricaded themselves in a (probably different?) cathedral and fought to the last man, after which the Swedes sealed it in the fear that Sigurd somehow cursed it. Iska’s random mention of his sister seems like it’ll factor into later justification for stealing Soul Edge or something considering that “trying to protect/bring back a loved one” is Siegfried’s same motivation.

By the way, the dragon’s name if Fafnir. I don’t know how anyone knows that since it doesn’t seem like the talking type, and calling it “The Guardian” has sufficed up to this point, but whatever. We now have a weapon to shoot it down and finish it off, as well as a key to the cathedral where it’s apparently living. That means it’s time for a good old-fashioned home invasion! But you know, in the name of justice and stuff.

[Click here to go to Soul Calibur Legends log #2 – Zenon Mansion]

The post Soul Calibur Legends: Progress Log #3 – Cyprus Arena appeared first on Killa Penguin.