... and now, an origin story behind the beers of Fear, with BeerI know of a trans-dimensional beer store. Located in Geauga County, Ohio, I suspect it's actually a portal between realities.
Red, White & Brew offers more than 3,000 varieties of craft and foreign beers and even more wines. The store seems out of place within the bedroom community of Chesterland, a quiet place with a few restaurants, one coffee shop, a handful of traffic lights, and a population of less than 2,700, meaning the store has more beer varieties than the town has residents. You won't find microbreweries, artisan taco trucks or underground music clubs in Chesterland, which is removed from city hipster culture. and you wouldn't expect the town to have one of the largest beer selections in Northeastern Ohio. But it does.
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| Can you find the hidden giraffe? Hint: it's not wearing a hat. |
The store exterior is unassuming and even mildly seedy looking. If you didn't know what it was (if you even noticed it at all) you would think it another small town beverage store, tucked away in a bland strip of unattractive brick buildings. What you would notice would be the bizarre collection of extra-large garden statuary for sale at the business next door (not connected to Red, White and Brew): a six foot, cream-colored T-Rex with giraffe spots, large yet not quite life-size giraffes and elephants, bears, Jesus, jockeys, and a full size Big Foot. Yesterday there was a crying angel, but I must have blinked because it's gone today. Reminiscent of ornaments found in vintage roadside attractions on Route 66 or 1970s Putt Putt golf courses, the WTF factor you get from wondering why such a place even exists primes you for Red White and Brew.
And then you step foot through the door.
Like the Tardis, the beer store appears larger on the inside than the out. It takes a few seconds for your eyes to adjust to the dim lighting, which is good, as it will take you brain a few seconds to adjust its expectations of a normal size beer store. It's not. While you don't immediately see the depth of the shop, once you step around the front counter - domestic microbrews to the left, imports by county to the right -- you realize... this is a big place.
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| It...is...happening...again...It...is...happening...again |
As in a David Lynch or Wes Anderson film, the shop inhabits its own reality, seemingly removed from the rules of the outside. Once inside everything feels slightly off, familiar yet different, possibly created by the unlikelihood of such an amazing place showing up in such a small town. Featuring a quirky, responsive and intelligent staff, if you choose to go deep into beer obscurity, there will be someone there to lead the way. The store possesses an unusual vibe, impossible to pin down yet palpable. If a porcupine were to waddle past or someone begin shouting repetitive syllables, it would make sense. There's an undefined strangeness that hangs in the air.
I don't know who goes to Chesterland, Ohio seeking a smoked Icelandic beer or a domestic craft double IPA made with coriander, but obviously people do, even if I've never seen them. I have seldom encountered many shoppers on my multiple visits, and the stillness and incongruity with the size of the shop adds to its mystique. Wandering around in the store I feel disassociated from the outside, and the experience feels closer to shopping in an antique or oddities shop rather than a beverage store.
One of the most interesting aspects is its extensive international collection of beers, organized by country. I stopped in once to see if they had any Ethiopian beer (for a future blog about an Ethiopian sci-fi movie), and Bill the Beer Manager said, without missing a beat, that they do but it was currently sold out. Not only was I surprised that they stocked Ethiopian beer, but I was surprised the beer was popular enough to sell out. I'll let you know how I like it when it arrives.
Is it my proclivity to horror movies, surrealistic animations and and oddball art films that has colored my impressions of this store? Most likely, and if you've read this, I've probably colored your expectations, now, too. Maybe it's just a normal ole' store with an impressive selection of beer and wine, and I apologize in advance if you book a flight to Ohio and any surrealism turns out to be just in my head.
But maybe, just maybe, this is a portal to another dimension, deftly stocking both the White and Black Lodges of the Twin Peaks universe with tasty hops-based wonders.
Whatever the case, if your travels lead you through Northeastern Ohio and you're a beer (or wine) enthusiast, definitely visit Red White and Brew, I'd love to hear your impressions. If in the future I write about a particularly unusual beer, I probably found it there.
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| Jesus and the Jockey on Palm Tree Sunday |
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I call this piece "Jockeys with Tiger" -- Red, White and Brew
is on the other side of the fence, so close, yet so far |
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Aww. He's not feeling too well. Wait for it...
He's a little horse. Oh yes I did. |
