Today I worked with a guy who is primarily an improviser; not-so-much an actor.  But he was a great type – very charactery looking, plus he’s super smart and quick and warm and charismatic and good friends with one of my favorite actresses ever.  You just wanna be around the guy he’s so yummy.  I adored him.  If I could get him in the pocket, I knew he’d have a chance of getting this VERY cool role in a VERY cool pilot starring another client I adore.

The other client was primarily a stand-up, so I knew I hadda get all the improv off of the guy.  He would be the third lead, and I couldn’t see them casting only improvisers and stand-ups.  They needed a ringer, a rock, someone to keep the ship steady.

As we read the scene together I noticed that after each of his lines, he looked down at his sides (which, by the way, he initially elected not to hold.  A VERY bad idea, no?  But we’ll address that at another time).

Now looking down at the page, in and of itself, is not a problem.  The issue is that he wasn’t just looking down quickly to grab his next line.  He was, as he later reluctantly admitted, basically RESTING. Givin’ himself an ol’ break from all that hard acting work.  He was like – taking a time out.

Dude!  You can’t take a freakin’ time out in the middle of a scene!  From the second you start the scene – NAY!  From the moment before you start the scene (or, if possible, literally the minute or two before you start it), you need to ONLY be thinking your character thoughts!  You can’t stop in the middle of a scene and think, for example, “Rad, dude, you got through that bitch of a line! Way to go! Ok, what’s next?  Oh yeah, this fucker of a line.  Crap.  Well, I dunno what to do with it so I’ll just say it really fast and hope they don’t notice.”

YOU CAN’T DO THAT!!!!  Ever!!!!

NEWSFLASH:  they notice!!!!

You:

“But, Les –”

You can’t, ever, VOLUNTARILY stop thinking your character thoughts in the middle of a scene!

You:

“But, why not –”

Because we can tell!  And we totally stop believing you!  And you don’t get a callback, or you get fired, or your show gets bad ratings and you become unemployed and then homeless and then you will die, OK?!?! (OK, maybe those are MY fears, not yours. Sigh.)

Here’s the deal.  From the moment or two before the scene starts, YOU ARE THINKING CHARACTER THOUGHTS.  ONLY character thoughts.  And you keep thinking ONLY character thoughts until the moment or two after the scene is done, OK?  This is not OPTIONAL.

And listen, it wouldn’t kill you to hang onto a few character thoughts well after you finish the scene so that they don’t think you were ACTING.  They are terrified of acting.

You:

“But, Les!  Sometimes I literally forget my line and I have to look down at the –”

FINE!  I don’t care if you forget your line!  Forget your line!  Forget ALL your lines!  But STAY IN CHARACTER!  BY THINKING ONLY YOUR CHARACTER’S THOUGHTS!  For God’s sake!  Make up lines!!!!

You:

But, Les!  You say we have to say exactly what the writer wrote –

Yes.  I’d love it if you did that.  But if you can’t, then KEEP Thinking Character Thoughts AND SAY WHATEVER THE FUCK COMES INTO YOUR HEAD!  Just STAY IN THE FREAKING MOMENT!  Don’t EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER leave the scene! Let me make this simple:

CORRECT PRIORITY LIST:

1. Staying in the scene

2. Remembering your lines

INCORRECT PRIORITY LIST:

1. Remembering your lines

2. Staying in the scene

The second you fall out of character, we STOP believing you!  And then you don’t get a callback, or you get fired, or your show gets bad ratings and you become unemployed and then homeless and then you will die, OK?!?!  (Right. Sorry again. My fears. I hear ya’.)

You:

“But, Les!  It’s really hard to –”

I KNOW!  I know it’s hard.  Which is why you have to PRACTICE it!  Until it’s not hard anymore.

It’s like meditation.  You know how you’re going along, meditating, breathing in and out, counting, and it’s all going really well until you realize you’ve been obsessing over that guy/girl you saw at The Coffee Bean for the past five breaths?  Yeah.  We meditate (theoretically) in order to get to the point where THAT DOESN’T HAPPEN very much — if ever.  Similarly, we practice Thinking Character thoughts, preferably daily, in order to get to the point where that’s ALL WE’RE DOING in performance mode.  So that our audience believes us. Follow?

AUDIENCE DISBELIEF = OUR DEATH

So.

The moral of this fairy tale?

STAY IN THE SCENE.  From before it starts, ‘til after it ends.  And ONLY think character thoughts.

So you don’t die.

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