Never Lose Again – The show begins with Anik Archambault (Kim Cloutier) hosting an edition of Questionable Call. The panel is comprised of Tessa Bonhomme, Brian “RA” McGonagall, and Jay Onrait. The panel tackles the first question about the dirtiest play in hockey. Tessa says she believes the “slew-foot” is one of the top dirtiest hockey plays. When Jay attempts to contribute, Anik refuses to let him speak, calling on RA instead. RA says it is knee-on-knee. She calls on Jay but doesn’t give him time to speak. Anike tells viewers the dirtiest hit is submarining. Disagreeing, Jay says, “Sucker punching.” The next question is regarding the dirtiest player in hockey. Tessa says it is Shoresy.
Sudbury Bulldogs’ Coach Michaels (Ryan McDonell) is giving a pep talk in the locker room. Sanguinet (Harlan Blayne Kytwayhat) agrees with the coach when he says there are lots of positives. Michaels assures the team that they will get the opposing team. A fart stops him in his tracks. He asks Shoresy (Jared Keeso) if he has something to add. No comment, just another fart. He sarcastically says, “Real mature.” Shoresy describes the Bulldogs as being “really bad.” Michaels questions what he would like to happen. He tells him that he wants the team to always win, never lose. When Michaels invites him to speak after he is done taking a dump, Shoresy assures him that he could never get so lucky. He contributes the loss of his bodily functions to the team being bad.
Shoresy suggests if he thinks their opponent is good to go “suck their di**s.” Michaels tells him since he is so smart to teach him something. He informs him that his friend received an Instagram image of his girl’s breasts. He adds two of his friends had sex with his girlfriend in Muskoka. Michaels is both confused and shocked by his allegations. He continues throwing out allegations about his girlfriend and hockey players. When Sanguinet tries to interject, Shoresy tells him to be quiet. Michaels has almost had enough. Shoresy isn’t ready to quit yet. He tells him about his girlfriend stalking the girlfriend of McDavid. Michaels threatens to fold the team before angrily making his exit. With him gone, Shoresy flushes, emerges from the stall, and refers to Michaels as a “loser.”
Ziigwan (Blair Lamora) and Miigwan (Keilani Elizabeth Rose) inform Shorsey that the general manager is asking to meet with him at the Coulson. He questions why. Miigwan tells him that he is a veteran. She reminds him of his leadership role for the team. Ziigwan sarcastically asks if he is too old to act in this manner. He tells Ziigwan that he is too old for her before accusing Miigwan of almost harassing him. Miigwan says they were penalized after the team lost its 20th game. He immediately contributes the team’s losses to Michaels. She tells him that Michaels is ready to fold. He repeats what he previously told Michaels about never losing again. She asks him to explain what an “aqua dump” is. Pretending to be confused, he looks over at Sanguinet. The girls ask in unison what the term means. Sanguinet says it is when sometimes takes a poo in a lake. Shoresy corrects him by saying “any body of water.” Sanguinet questions if a bathtub counts.
Miigwan repeats what he told Michaels about getting a squeezer from his girlfriend during an aqua dump. Correcting her, he tells her that he could have, not got a squeezer. He claims Michaels’ girl gave Sanguinet a squeezer. Sanguinet assures her that Michaels wasn’t dating her at the time. When Shoresy teases him, Ziigwan asks if he thinks it’s funny. He informs her that it wasn’t a lake but a river. She repeats her questions about it being funny. After denying it being funny, he admits to being on the verge of crying. Sanguinet pleads with him not to cry. Shoresy orders him to be quiet. Ziigwan asks why he would feel the need to cry. He reminds her of the team getting pumped 5-goose for 20 losses. Miigwan tells him the general manager is asking to meet him at the Coulson.
Sanguinet is having a drink at a pub when he sees a sexy girl dancing. He is entranced by her beauty when Nat (Tasya Teles) issues an alert about a black F-150. During an announcement, she asks the loser who just got pumped 5-goose for losing 20 games to meet her around the back. When Sanguinet turns back around, he is face-to-face with Phil (Jon Ambrose) who tells him to get lost.
By the time Shoresy and Sanguinet get out back, two guys a guy is being pummeled while Nat watches. Nat scolds them acting like it is no big deal that the team lost 20 games. Shoresy tells her Michaels is a “joke.” She informs him that Michaels is ready to fold. Sanguinet assures her they aren’t quitters. She asks him about the rumor of him pooping in a lake. He points out that it wasn’t her lake, just a lake. Nat questions if they know how much she invested in Michaels. She names off a list of his expenses. Shoresy calls her an “idiot.” Sanguinet tells him that Michaels coached on a professional level and played NCAA. He reminds him that NCAA prohibits fighting. Nat admits she detests losing. Shorsey informs her of Michaels’ girl hitting on Sanguinet. Quickly changing the subject, Sanguinet says he believes it is possible to own a lake.
Nat suggests they at least fight if they are going to lose. Shoresy agrees. She asks why they aren’t fighting. He tells her the players don’t want to do it. He says they don’t do anything other than float. She assumes they don’t love winning. He assures her that they don’t dislike losing. He describes her as a “sniper.” She tells him to be quiet. He claims more players call her a sniper all the time. With Shoresy possibly out of earshot, Sanguinet tries to explain the squeezer rumor. Shorey orders him to be quiet.
Shoresy follows Phil into the restroom. When he emerges, Phil is lying on the floor.
Cory (Bourke Cazabon) is penalized 2 minutes for roughing. He argues with Shoresy who is standing in for the referee. Shorey refers to him as the “Clearasil kid” before ordering him to get into the box. He assures the team that they are going to play well. As Cory reenters the box, he sarcastically calls his referring “fu**ing awful.” Shoresy assures him if he continues to work hard, he will become him one day. Cory tells him that is what he used to dream of being a high school hockey referee. Shoresy claims to remember having dreams about his mother tonguing his butt hole. Cory and Shoresy continue to butt heads for the read of practice.
When Liam (Keegan Long) joins Cory in the box, he complains about getting hit in the head but no call. Shoresy makes a whimpering sound. Liam accuses him of ignoring the penalty. He suggests retaliating, then going for two. Liam tells him the call was “terrible.” Cory and Shoresy continue their verbal squabble.
Shoresy and Sanguinet confront Ziigwan and Miigwan about the team folding. They question where he heard the rumor. Miigwan informs him that Nat will be arriving soon. Shoresy pleads with her to disclose if the team is going to fold. She questions why it’s so important he knows now. He tells her that he doesn’t want Nat to see him cry. She refers to him as a “pussy.” Sanguinet offers to let her grab him whenever she feels like it before Shoresy cuts him off. As he calls Michael a “terrible coach,” Nat approaches with the news of the coach being fired. Shoresy says it was a good move. Nat admits she cannot bear another loss. She explains how the Bulldogs were the most popular venue on a Saturday night. She says it is “embarrassing.” She goes on a rant about how the locals no longer care about the team.
Shoresy pleads with her to not fold. She reminds him that the team no longer has a coach. He gives her a guarantee that the Bulldogs will never lose another game. She assures him that the ball is already rolling. He suggests Sanguinet taking Michaels’ place. Sanguinet argues that he is a hockey player. Shoresy explains his Tough Natives plan, which Ziigwan describes as “redundant.” Wiping the tears from his eyes, he suggests investing the money to pay Michaels to recruit four players to score wins. Miigwan reminds him that the four players will need to be housed in hotels. He offers to let them stay with him. Nat demands the seats be filled. He repeats his guarantee about the team never losing another game. Nat says the Bulldogs will win the league if they don’t lose again. When she agrees to go with his plan, Sanguinet attempts to celebrate before Shorey stops him. Nat warns him that the team will fold if they lose again. She suggests the team needs another big sponsor.
Nat, Ziigwan, and Miigwan watch a couple of guys roughhousing each other while talking hockey. Nat reminds the girls of how Shoresy feels about Laura Mohr (Camille Sullivan).
Sanguinet asks Shoresy if he believes it is possible to pull it off. He reminds him of how good North Bay and Timmins are. Shoresy tells him to tug his balls as the episode comes to an end.
Shoresy Review
As a Smashville Predators fan, I figured Shoresy would be worth trying. I wasn’t “totally” disappointed, but not thrilled with the outcome. The dialogue was a bit overused and at times, cringeworthy. One example is the “pumped 5-goose,” which warranted a Google search. I guess the phrase is self-explanatory. Instead of incorporating the same phrase into multiple scenes, it would’ve been better to provide a short explanation.
I cracked a smile from time to time but didn’t find myself bursting out in a fit of laughter. Everyone is different, so I would expect some viewers found it quite humorous.
Kudos to the editor(s), as each episode, flowed smoothly. I must admit, I was stumped with some of the so-called hockey lingo. My Google searches were rendered useless.
I question why they opted to utilize such a young general manager. Fortunately, the circumstances that led up to Nat inheriting the big role were explained very well.
Now, as for Shoresy, the character is not without flaws. Jared Keeso did well for what he had to work with. He read his lines wonderfully, with a few exceptions that felt somewhat strained. Keeso utilizes a high-pitch voice that is somewhat annoying. However, he is perfect for Shoresy.
With only 20ish minutes to work with, a delay in character development is worth mentioning. A bigger budget and an additional 15 or 20 minutes would have pushed character development to the forefront. It would’ve helped to omit the talk who bit during the intro.
The episode deserves a 6.5. Get more Shoresy recaps here. Support Reel Mockery by clicking on the link to learn more.
