Pilot – The story begins with Teacher Janine Teagues (Quinta Brunson) teaching a group of second graders about sentence structure. She reads a student’s sentence “My favorite movie is “Toy Story,” and my favorite character is Woody. Brittany likes “American Gangster”, and her favorite character is Frank Lucas.” Teagues threatens to talk to Brittany’s mother a third time. She demands Andrew apologize for hitting another student. When he refuses, she begins to count. Andrew shakes his head, refusing to apologize.

Teagues tells the camera crew she has been employed with the Philadelphia school system for a year. She teaches second grade at Abbott Elementary. Back in the classroom, Andrew is still refusing to apologize as she continues counting.

The students are learning about the US presidents. Teagues complains about the school’s lack of funding while the city invested millions of dollars in renovating the Eagle’s stadium. The Abbott Elementary staff “make do.” She looks up to all the “amazing teachers.”

Across the hall, Ms. Schwartz (Kate Peterman) has a class of unruly students.  Her pleas to sit down have fallen on deaf ears. Teacher Jacob Hill (Chris Perfetti) is putting out a wastebasket fire with a fire extinguisher. A female teacher who recently quit flips the bird at a classroom of students as she carries her possessions to her car.

Teagues is talking to the camera crew when she hears a trickling noise. She turns around to find Jamal (Boohi Dell) urinating on her classroom’s rug. She asks what he is doing. He responds, “I had to go, and the toilets don’t work.” Erica (Bailey J) utilizes Teagues’ first name “Janine” when asking her about rolling up the rug. She reminds her to utilize her surname at school. A male student asks what they will do for storytime. She promises to figure something out. Rugs are a calming place for kinds in primary classes. They are like a huge “Xanax” for kids to sit on.

Teacher Barbara Howard (Sheryl Lee Ralph) asks Teagues to turn her music down. It is distracting her students from learning the letter “C”. The students ignore Teagues when she asks them to sit down. Before she gets to three, Howard interrupts, ordering the children to sit down. They instantly obey.

Howard describes herself as a “woman of God.” She works and then goes home. She loves teaching. In the classroom, Teagues tells Howard what she did was “incredible”, and she can’t wait to get on that level. Her class is lined up in the hallway in single file. They kindly greet Teagues when she peeps around the corner. Howard reminds Teagues of her third-grade teacher, Ms. Elliott who was well-dressed, good with kids, and a wizard with a glue gun. Ms. Elliott left a note – “Needs friends her own age, a bit clingy – in Teagues’ report card. Teagues sent Howard an email to see if she would like to hang out. Howard says it must have gone to spam. All the other teachers acknowledge her emails.

Hill, a history teacher, stops Teagues on her way to the breakroom. He excitedly says Rachel Maddow retreated him. Teagues and Hill were hired along with 20 other teachers, all of which have since resigned. She calls it “trauma bonding”. She asks if he would like a sandwich from the corner store. He refuses the offer, saying the clerk calls him “white boy.” She suggests thinking of it as a “term of endearment” or asking him to stop. He fears “white fragility” and “policing.”

Melissa Schemmenti (Lisa Ann Walker) is a second-grade teacher. She becomes worried when the camera crew refuses to answer her cultural question. Teagues tells the other teachers her rug is ruined. Schemmenti’s and Hill’s rugs also need to be replaced. Principal Ava Coleman (Janelle James) enters the breakroom “Hey-yo, what it do baby boos.” She wants to know about the camera crew. Howard says they are doing a documentary on poorly managed, underfunded schools in America. Ava believes all press is good and gives an example, Mel Gibson who is thriving. Schemmenti tells the camera crew Ava is “bad at her job.” Ms. Swartz rushes into the breakroom to complain about her students. One of the students told her to mind her six (watch your back). Ava suggests she calm down, aides cost money. Teagues asks for new rugs in place of aides.

Ava brags about Howard never complaining or asking for anything. When asked what’s her secret, she says, “Knowing there’s not much you can do, Ava.” Ms. Swartz rushes out of the room after Teagues’ attempt to comfort her failed. Schemmenti received two toy cash registers when she asked for them. She says a guy from Walmart got her the cash registers, which are not toys. She has guys for everything, including the stadium under renovation. Howard says the teachers have more turnovers than a bakery. Erica alerts Teagues that Ms. Swartz kicked a student, Rajon (Jaxon Thomas Williams.)

When asked what happened, Ms. Swartz says he hit me first. Rajon disagrees. Custodian, Mr. Johnson (William Stanford Davis) takes on Ms. Swartz’s classroom after she is fired. Mr. Johnson is teaching the students about the “Illuminati”. He tells the students the Illuminati runs the world. Hill suggests alerting the school district about a student being harmed. Ava says she will handle it and agrees to request an emergency budget for supplies. Teagues is optimistic, Howard not so much.

Substitute teacher Gregory Eddie (Tyler James Williams) arrives at school to speak with Ava. Ava jokes about him being a stripper, hired by a colleague. Hill is glad to have another male teacher to talk sports with. The district hired Eddie as principal for Abbott Elementary, but something happened, and he didn’t get the job. Ava goes to church with the superintendent who she caught cheating on his wife with the deaconess.

Teagues is writing an email to the district to request rugs for the classrooms when the students yell “Ewwww” because Bria (Maliyah Monroe) vomited. She escorts Bria to the restroom, where she runs into Gregory Eddie. She is shocked to see him holding a pair of child’s pants. She screams “random man, security.” He introduces himself and tells her about a student who peed his pants. The toilet water flowed backward, spewing all over his clothes. Teagues tells him to watch Bria while she checks on the student. Bria grabs his hand, taking a peek at his ring finger.

Teagues walks in as Howard is teaching her students math. She asks for Howard’s opinion, regarding the email to the superintendent. Howard tells her the teachers are not getting new rugs. She reminds Howard about Ava’s promise to get them what they need. Ava issues an alert on the intercom system. She has a special announcement about the emergency budget. Teagues says, “Optimism wins again.” Howard smirks and watches as Teagues as she puts on quite a performance to congratulate herself for requesting rugs for the classrooms.

The teachers gather outside to hear Ava’s announcement. The district awarded the school $3K, which Ava spent on a plastic sign. Teagues is upset with Ava. Howard smirks and asks Teagues, “How’s that optimism taste.” She tells Howard and Schemmenti about a letter she wrote to the superintendent concerning Ava. Howard says Abbott Elementary emails bounce back to Ava. Another announcement from Ava tells the teachers someone went over her head. Instead of a lunch breach, the teachers will be required to attend a trust workshop.

The teachers are in attendance at the trust workshop. Ava calls Gregory Eddie “chocolate drop” when he asks the purpose of the trust workshop. Ava brings in student, Sheena (London Covington) to tell Teagues what she noticed different about her. Teagues stands up and admits to insulting Ava. She wrote the letter because Ava spent the emergency funding on a plastic sign. Howard defends Teagues and walks out of the room, with all the teachers in toll.

Teagues is standing in front of her classroom door when the other teachers join her. She tells them about Amir taking a nap on the classroom rug. He is lying on his coat on the floor. Howard says Amir’s mother has a lot of kids, his dad is never around and when he is, they are fighting. Amir says the classroom rug is softer than his desk. Howard suggests the teachers put their money together to buy Teagues a rug. Schemmenti contacts a guy to request rugs for the school.  Tony (Josh Latzer) arrives at the school with rugs.

Teagues tells Gregory Eddie she hopes he stays for the kids. He agrees to stick around for a while for the kids. The students cheer when Teagues lays the rug on the floor. Backflow water from a clogged toilet spews out and onto Teagues’s dress.

Abbott Elementary Review

The show fell flat pretty quickly, thanks to dialogue on the verge of cringeworthy. The camerawork is enough to cause a photosensitive seizure, migraine aura, or both. With all the real issues public schools are currently facing, a drama would have been more effective. The show touches on every social issue you could possibly think of, including sexual harassment, white fragility, whistleblowing, racial diversity, public school funding or the lack thereof, reckless government spending, and blackmail. Character bonding is impossible, although I feel Quinta Brunson’s character stood out above the rest. Ava Coleman is intolerable. The show deserves a 5.5.

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