G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013) PG-13 110 min
Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi, Sequel
Director: Jon M. Chu
Cast: Dwayne Johnson, Jonathan Pryce, Bruce Willis, Channing Tatum, Byung-hun Lee, Ray Stevenson, Elodie Yung, D.J. Cotrona, Adrianne Palicki
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A lot/Strong : Death, Violence
Some/Mild : Gore, Language, Sensuality
No : Alcohol, Drugs, Smoking
Overall grade: "C"
The Verdict: "Just another mediocre action movie with an annoyingly silly plot"
Intellectual Toxicity: High
Spiritual Toxicity: Medium
Intellectual Toxicity: High
Spiritual Toxicity: Medium
Directing: "C", Acting: "C", Visual Effects: "B"
Story Line: "C-", Aftertaste: "C", Date Movie: "F"
Family Friendliness: "F", Original Concept: "No"
Why Hollywood keeps producing such mediocre movies as “G.I. Joe: Retaliation” is a question with an easy answer – because it sells. About a month after the release, the Movie has already collected at the box office more than twice of its relatively large $130 million production budget.
Why crowds keep watching these mediocre movies is another easy question. Sadly, people have always preferred crude low farce and street circus to high forms of art. It has not changed in thousands of years and is unlikely to change in the future.
And yet I cannot help but wondering, why not to spend a very small token of these mighty $130 million on hiring a solid director and decent screenplay writer? I guess that the answer would be “Why bother if “G.I. Joe: Retaliation” became a box office hit even with Jon M. Chu at the shaky helm and with Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick at the squeaky typewriter?
Jon M. Chu is notoriously famous for his 2011 documentary “Justin Bieber: Never Say Never” that received a whooping 1.7 out of 10 rating on IMDB.
The record of Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick is equally “impressive” and consists of writing for some obscure TV shows as well as for a zombie movie.
It almost looks like the notorious zombie theme was still on the screenwriters’ minds when they started working on “G.I. Joe: Retaliation”. Their expedition to the abandoned movie dumpsters in the desperate search for some nicely rotten leftovers reminded me the behavior of raccoons swiftly going through the smelly garbage in the dead of the night.
Needless to say, liberally fertilizing with the cheap second hand movie trash from the dumpster - worn-out masks, rusty samurai swords, dirty military trucks, and damp explosive arsenals - did not make the already shallow story of “G.I. Joe: Retaliation” any better.
A good action movie does not have to have a clever plot, but still needs a decent, solidly built structure without unforgivable shortcomings.
Unfortunately, the story in “G.I. Joe: Retaliation” not only manages to be painfully predictable, extraordinary silly and hopelessly incoherent at the same time, but it also makes less and less sense as the movie progresses.
A good action movie does not have to have powerful character development, but it still has to have likable (or repulsive in case of a villain), charismatic, reasonably believable characters and not the one-dimensional, paper-thin stooges that look like they were borrowed from some disastrous toddler cartoon.
A good action movie needs to have some well-blended exciting action sequences that keep adrenalin pumping and help maintaining the viewers’ interest, and not a random sequence of disappointingly short, painfully unoriginal, sloppily executed, loosely connected, disjointed scenes that constitute the action component in “G.I. Joe: Retaliation”.
A good action movie does not have to tackle the complex issues of human existence in a powerful way, but it still needs to maintain at least a minimal level of genuineness in portraying most basic human feelings, emotions, and values.
Whenever “G.I. Joe: Retaliation” touches any significant matters of life, whether family, friendship, love, honor, or military bond the movie comes across as so shamelessly superficial that it leaves the viewer in uncomfortable disgust.
The acting in “G.I. Joe: Retaliation” was mostly on a par with its story and directing. Seemingly left without meaningful guidance from the director to deal with their fundamentally fake characters, industrious actors Dwayne Johnson (Roadblock) and Channing Tatum (Duke) heavily relied on their charisma with the mostly unsatisfactory results.
The only exception was the performance of the versatile Welsh actor Jonathan Pryce whose President (as well as the impostor Zartan) were the only two believable characters in the movie grossly outnumbered by the multitude of the pitiful lifeless puppets, played by the rest of the acting crew.
Another exception, but of a different kind, was Bruce Willis whose comic performance in the small role of the veteran General Joe Colton was quite enjoyable, but only because of its grotesque and the signature self-irony that Bruce Willis is so good at.
Overall, “G.I. Joe: Retaliation” is one of those mediocre, derivative movies that can be easily ignored without any regrets or second thoughts. In fact, I think you would do yourself a favor if you do not see the movie and save the time for doing something more meaningful and less insulting to both intellect and good taste.
