No. You’re not dreaming. You read that title correctly.

The thing is this. Charter Fishing won’t actually make you a better lover…but I’m going to tell you how to convince your wife or girlfriend that it will. And unless she happens to read this article first, it just might work.

Step 1 – The subtle hint

The first step is quite possibly the most important, and so you’ve really got to get it right. Pick a time when you’re heading out the door to work, or right before you hang up the phone. It has to be in some sort of situation where she will have no opportunity to continue the conversation.

When this moment arrives, drop this line in a half mutter under your breath: “You wouldn’t believe it, but [insert some fake female name] from work told me that after her husband went charter fishing he was an animal in the sack.”

And then beat feet. Do not let her respond whatsoever.

Step 2 – The waiting game

Wait for her to bring it up. Don’t worry, she will. Your wife or girlfriend never forgets a single word you say (especially the incriminating ones) so she won’t forget this. A woman’s life work is to try and renovate her husband from a “man” into an actual civilized human being, and so as ridiculous as it sounds, she won’t pass on any opportunity to upgrade you.

Be patient. Trust me.

And then, one night she’ll ask, “What was it that your co-worker said about her husband and fishing or something?”

Caught. Hook, line, and sinker. No pun intended.

Step 3 – The lie

“Oh, um, I don’t remember,” you say. Of course you don’t remember, it never happened. And next she’ll start pushing you for details, but whatever you do, don’t cave in and try to come up something. Whatever make-shift love making story you might come up with won’t be half as good as what she’ll make up in her own imagination. She’ll get more and more frustrated at the lack of information. Which is when you’re ready for…

Step 4 – The suggestion

“Well, I guess we could try it?”

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. You said “we try it” and what you really mean is “I go fishing”, but she thinks that you’re actually doing something nice for her. Not only will she accept your proposal, but she’ll do so in earnest.

Step 5 – Double down

Quickly strike while the iron is hot, “We should go to Key West.” Remember that sailfish trip you’ve been yearning for but always gets pushed to the backburner for yet another boring trip to see the in-laws? Well, here’s your chance, buddy. He shoots he scores.

Step 6 – Don’t get greedy

Once you’ve bought your tickets and booked a hotel, don’t say a single word about the fishing. Make all the focus on the fun things she’ll be able to do in Key West. Gorgeous beaches, tropical gardens, sunny weather, Mallory Square, great restaurants. Believe me, she hasn’t forgotten about the fishing, and the supposed magic it will work on you.

Step 7 – The final payoff

So the big day has finally arrived. You’ve made it to Key West and you’re ready to head out on the charter for the fishing experience of a lifetime. While you are out on the high seas, she’ll spend all day by the pool in anticipation of your return. In a complete reversal of what happens at home, the longer you are away fishing the happier she will be to see you when you get back.

You see, it’s the anticipation that does the trick.

At the final culmination of this preposterous charade, she will actually have convinced herself that “yes, there was something different; deep sea fishing does make him a better lover.”
And now, the final payoff arrives when she turns to you in bed and says “Hey, why don’t you go fishing tomorrow as well?”