1. Never Get Stuck With A Shitty Middle Seat Ever Again.

Forgot to choose a seat or you simply refused to pay an extra $25-$35 for a seat that isn’t going to make your ass hurt any less, well then this is for you.

Being charged to choose your seat is the airlinss way of saying who’s going to be the 1st sucker to pay us $25-$35 a seat due to separation anxiety?

The good news is, there’s a new website that will save your knees even if they can’t save your ass. Nothing will make your backside more comfortable other than business/1st class.

But let’s talk about stretching your legs out and switching your middle seat or window seat without having to pay to do it.

First off there are free seating on almost all airlines in the isle, window and middle. It just so happens when you booked all the free isle seats were already taken.

That’s where Expert flyer comes in. They alert you if passenger cancellations for the Flight you are booked on or want to book on, allowing you to race to switch your seat. It’s got reviews from Fortune 500 companies so although we haven’t personally used it, you don’t get those shoutouts unless it works. It’s also free for the basic service of what I described above.

The website to get seat alerts is ExpertFlyer.com

2. Freeze Your Juice or Water over night to get it past TSA!

Yes, that’s right! The .4 fluid ounce rule that’s caused you to throw away some expensive shit due to TSA’s fear that your babies bottle of milky goodness might just blow a wing of the plane off and send everyone to meet their maker.

No but seriously, if you freeze it, it has changed it’s chemical make up and went from a liquid to a solid and so as long as it is a solid when going through TSA security, it’s totally cool.

Why they don’t care that it changes back to a liquid again before you’re even told you can take off your seat belt and move about the cabin is just a prime example of a government being a government.

They love to scream “follow the science” but 3rd grade science class was a long time ago I guess; so we should we judge them? Yes, I’ve not seen them do anything in 38 years that is actually for our benefit.

This is not an “If you can do this”, I’ve done it every flight for the last 5 years.

But if it makes you feel like a terrorist, just bring an empty water bottle and fill it up from the water fountain pass security and get ice for free from the flight attendant.

3. Buy 2 And Get A 3rd Seat Free!

*NOT FOR 3 PEOPLE, JUST EXTRA ROOM FOR 2 PEOPLE.

When you are traveling with someone and the plane you are flying on has a seat configuration of 3 seats like you see in this photo…..

….you can book the window and the Isle or if a middle row, booking two isles and leaving the middle seat; chances are no one will choose the seat in the middle unless the plane is sold out.

This only works “most of the time” on domestic flights and 25% of the time on international flights simply due to there being less flights per day so they tend to be much closer to sold out than a domestic flight.

4. Never Get Caught With Your Pants Down In A Foreign Countrg! “Literally”

Unlike in the US, especially in most Asian countries, you can’t just walk into a gas station and use the restroom. Many of them do not even have public restrooms, and business require you to become a customer to use the bathroom.

If you aren’t buying something you’re not flushing their toilets. This practice is common in Asian countries, of which I absolutely love south east Asia and it’s people. However even those nations this is kind of the theme.

This app and it will let you know where a restroom is that you can use so you don’t get thrown in a Chinese prison. NOT A JOKE!

A nation that has 46 crimes punishable by death, including flooding someone’s property or cutting someone’s power; a nation that kills so many people they have execution vans prepping organs for their recipient! Yes friends, China is not the place to fu*k around and find out. So download this app so you don’t get put down for flooding a parking lot after holding it all day.

IOS IPHONE

Android Google Play Store

5. Download Videos With Brave Browser

The Brave Browser is one of my favorite browsers ever created. What can it do?

Well, besides killing those annoying paywalls that prevents you from reading an new article, pays you crypto currency just for doing what you alrsdy do all day (search the web), kill all YouTube ads or any ads for that matter but they also allow you to download any video in a matter of seconds da that can then be replayed in airplane mode.

The videos are stored on the browser rather than the phone so it’s super easy to remove them when you want them gone. I live to listen to scary stories that just have a narrator and I can download 10 hours worth of videos in about 2 mins , it’s that fast.

Yes, yes I know how it sounds. There really is no catch. I use it for every device I have.

IOS IPhone

Android Google Play Store

6. Fragile Luggage Label To Get Your Bags 1st

If you have expensive luggage or you just don’t like waiting after a long flight, that’s where placing a fragile sticker comes in handy.

They place fragile labeled items on top and are loaded last time ensure they stay on top.

When something Is loaded last, that means it comes off first! MIND BLOWN? Mine too, and my physics teacher in college thought I wasn’t paying attention. Pshh!

Just ask the agent at the check in counter for a fragile label.

No! They won’t ask what’s in the bag or ask to see it. Besides just say “my bag itself is fragile. It was a gift from my great uncles nieces nephew’s brother in law and they’re no longer with us”. And don’t you dare say it with a grin or a smile.🤣

7. It’s Always 5 O’clock At 36k Feet

Because of bureaucrats and the big brother knowing what’s best for us, we aren’t allowed to take anything liquid that is more than 3.4 fluid Oz in our carryons, it must go into checked luggage. That’s why all the travel size shampoo and conditioner bottles are 3.4 Oz.

Get 5-10 travel size mouth wash bottles, take them home and pour them into the mouth wash you already have. And you know the rest from here! Don’t pay $10 a shot, and don’t let them tell you when you have had enough. Many peoples tolerance is far greater than tban the number of drinks their corporate decided you could have.

Seasoned flight attendants will keep them coming so long as your behavior and tone you talk in doesn’t change where as new attendants will follow the rule they were told in training. You can buy a fifth for what they charge for 2 shots, plus you’re on vacation.

So if you are one that likes their drinks, this is how you get them on board. My favorite is vodka with the tiniest dash of green food coloring. Even if they smelled it, they would never know the difference as vodka to the avg person smells like rubbing alcohol or mouth wash where as whiskey definitely has a unique smell.

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