I recently had the distinct honor (spoken with a slight pinch of sarcasm) of flying Business Class on an American flight cross country. Always a win over being forced to have your legs feeling like they're getting crushed between 2 cabs in New York City...aka...

coach.

But alas there was an issue:

Noisy brat alert on aisle 7, seats E and F.

E: Mom. F: wailing toddler.

Yup, I know some of you out there are saying 'it's my right to bring my kid in biz class.' Yes, it apparently still is. And, I have no problem with that.

IF.

They're not practicing the ancient Shaman ritual of...

BBB.

No. it's not the Better Business Bureau either (which is a complete shambolic shell game...but more on that some other time)

It's Blabbering Babies in Business Class.

The term is no doubt self-explanatory. But in the interests of being clear, accurate and with nary a trace of ambiguity...your kid is crying and moaning for 3 of the 5 hours of the flight.

Thankfully, the 2 'quiet' hours was no-doubt Mom finally letting junior sample her Hennessy on the rocks.

Here's the thing: Why should other flyers who've spent more money to get the feeling back in their legs have to put up with little Ricky noisemaker?

The answer is they shouldn't in my humble yet incredibly handsome opinion.

But I don't make the rules...yet.

In the interim, I present possible solutions that would be equitable for all parties involved:

Solution 1: Give out free sets of Bose noise-cancelling headphones to everyone in Business Class.

Hmm. Not fiscally feasible (although much more so than our government...they would just pay for everyone to fly private, but then complain that you're destroying the climate).

Solution 2: Inform everyone on the plane that the airlines are no longer allowed to cancel flights ever again for any reason. With the sheer joy that would ensue no one would even hear any screaming. Shit, even Junior would be passing out cigars over that news.

Solution 3: Everyone gets a free subscription to SkyGoFly Premium Traveler, paid for by aforementioned government above. What is that you ask? Hint: It's linked...so click it, pal.

There you have it. Some ideas to throw around the campfire and spur further diatribes of intelligent banter and debate.