A Birthday Cruise on the Nile Gone Wrong

It was Les's 50th birthday on the Saturday we arrived in Cairo.

Brad V and I had been planning to try and do something special but it was proving quite difficult. If anyone is reading this in Cairo - you guys really need to create some kind of "dining in the desert" experience if you can. I thought that the unavailablity was possibly due to the fact that we were trying to organise it from Australia. Unfortunately that didn't seem to be the case. Sure there were amazing expensive restaurants in Cairo but we wanted an authentic Egyptian experience. Even after our arrival, our guide Bes called everyone he knew and we couldn't find a great pyramid dining experience anywhere. I thought we could find a white table, sunset dining in the desert looking at the pyramids kind of deal, but it was not to be. Sad Face Here!

As tacky as it sounded, we ended up booking a restaurant overlooking the light show at the pyramids thinking it would be at least a unique experience. It turns out (what the restaurant won't tell you) that the light show has erected these giant mirrors so you can't see the light show from the restaurants that are trying to cash in on it. Thank goodness we mentioned to Bes where were planning on spending the evening. Well that's what we thought......

He insisted that a Nile Dinner Cruise would be ideal and while I was hesitant, he seemed very secure in his recommendation, so we bit the bullet and booked one.

I had done as much research as I could and from the website it looked like a nice Boat and it seemed that everything was included in the price. It wasn't outrageously expensive but it wasn't $50 a head either! I can't quite remember what we paid but trust me it was about 90% more than we should have.

The price included transfers to and from the boat which saved us a taxi fare but about 25 mins after they hadn't arrived, Bes called them and after what I can only assume was Egyptian swearing, he hung up and said they would be here shortly. About 5 minutes later a clapped out van came screaming into the car park and our ride was here. Now I'm not precious about things (as you would know if you've followed me at all) however not having seatbelts is just not something I'm comfortable with. I was so stressed for the entire drive  and the only thing keeping me somewhat calm was that if you've ever driven in Cairo, the traffic is so bad that you can't get up a decent speed anyway. This must have been the only time in the 4 days we spent there that this was not the case. Our driver was weaving in and out of traffic like a damn lunatic and even Brad who isn't usually fussed, asked Bes to tell our driver to slow the hell down.

The Actual Nice River Dinner Cruise

We arrive at the boat miraculously intact to be rushed down the very dodgy gang plank setting foot on the boat just as it pulled away. The fact that they had forgotten to pick us up was completely lost on them and we were immediately treated like we had kept the entire boat waiting. Not a great way to start and a good indication of the level of "customer service" we would see for the night.

The boat was floating so that was good. That was about the only thing that was good. There was us and what seemed to be an entire bus load that were a group tour.  The boat was two levels that were pretty much completely open with tables and chairs scattered around for dining. Plastic tables and chairs that is. It was pretty much a floating pontoon.

Inside was FREEZING! Honestly it was one of those situations where they think that if you aren't from Africa and the middle east you must be dying in the heat and they pump the air con out on what must be the lowest setting it will go to.

None of us could cope with the cold so we went upstairs to the open area. Now despite us asking if we could go up there and having our Egyptian guide with us, no-one told us when the dinner would be served. We went downstairs twice to ask and they said it would be over the speaker and they would come up and let us know. About an hour later just by chance Brad went down to the toilet to find that everyone in the main cabin was eating. We all bolted down to find that there was pretty much nothing left. It wasn't as if they were on their desert, everyone was sitting with a plate of food in front of them but there was litterally garlic bread and some kind of weird stew left. Nothing else. We asked about when more food would come out and all of a sudden the server had trouble with his english. Bes asked a lot more forcefully which sent the server scurring away seemingly never to return. There is no way I was eating the weird stew stuff (I just don't eat that kind of food) so I had garlic bread for dinner and the boys had maybe a bowl of stew between them. Bes was livid - as were we - but nothing he did seemed to make any kind of difference. We figured we would just eat birthday Cake for dinner. We were on holidays. Why not?

Then they ate our cake!

Bes went down to the galley and checked that the cake we had delivered earlier had arrived. He came back very excited about how good it looked and to tell us that he had arranged for one of the servers to bring our cake and coffee up to us on the deck. Maybe 40 minutes goes by and no cake. A very upset Bes heads down to the galley yet again and comes back up the stairs steaming! I swear there was heat pouring off his every pore. The galley crew had cut and eaten most of our cake. WTF?? How do you do that? How do you take delivery of a 50th birthday cake, not feed the guests that its for, confirm to Bes that you would bring  up the cake complete with candles to us on the top deck and then cut it and spread it around the crew. That's not something  that can get lost in translation.

I was angry. Les was stunned. My Brad was WTF and Brad V was incensed. We had to restrain him. I've seen him loose his shit a few times and this was by far the worst ever. Thankfully by this time the boat was heading back to the dock. We waited for everyone else to get off and walked down the gangplank to find, of course, that they had forgotten to send a transfer for us back to the hotel.

Thank goodness for Bes. I can't begin to imagine how bad it could have been if we didn't have him calling and getting a friend to pick us and and very kindly having his mother meet us at the hotel with meat sticks!  What a sweetie.

So our Nile Dinner Cruise wasn't quite what we expected.

Think a floating ugly house boat with freezing cold air con on the "dinner" level, broken plastic chairs on the top "viewing" level, a meal that seems to be left overs from last night and not enough for everyone, invisible service and a fight to get ANY food at all. It was like the reverse best 50th ever. Thank god we had a sense of humour about it. From the very first step on to the wobbly gang plank we kind of knew this was going to be one of "those" stories. 

Luckily for us, we had all given Bes the money and he had paid for it over the phone with his credit card. A charge he later challenged. Thank god for Visa!

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Where to stay in Giza

I would recommend staying in Giza rather than the city of Cairo. Most locations are close by and those that aren't you will get a tour for anyway. You don't need to spend a lot of money in Egypt to get a nice place and these three below will give you some idea of costs and rooms.

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