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Earlier, I took a bus from Liege and arrived at the peaceful outskirts of Holland, a small city thinly sandwiched between Belgium and Germany called Maastricht. Extremely tired due to full-packed walking in the last 24 hours, I decided to take a two-hour breather as soon as I arrived in my night’s hostel intending to recover and gain enough energy to celebrate to properly welcome Christmas later in the night. It was not until 1800H when I decided to go out of my costly cage only to find out that most establishments including Christmas markets were already about to close. Food being a necessity at that point and with decreasing options, I settled for an expensive meal at a Chinese joint which thankfully did not disappoint. Noche buena in a chinese fashion was not bad of an idea at all. I paired it with a glass of beer to ease the sting of eating alone on a Christmas Eve – a Christmas spent, not to mention, in a far-off place thousands of kilometers away from home. I declared that I deserved such consolation.

By 1930H, I was finished with my dinner. There was so much time at my expense. I went to an adjacent bar around the center where a few groups were gathered over a variety of drinks in their respective tables. And there were solo night drifters too. Not that I really care but it was somehow comforting to know that I was not the only person doing the dangerous but convenient solo game. I took the last a seat on the last available table adjacent the heater which seemed fit as my comfort place in just after a few minutes. Unfortunately, I was told they were closing early so I had to settle for just one bottle of beer. Feeling lazy to hop to another bar, I decided to wander around a bit then returned to my hostel and call it a day, which brings me right here (at the hostel bar) right now (letting off some steam by writing this piece of a rant).

I am already midway through my bottle of beer, my fifth of the day. It’s almost 2200H now and I acknowledge the need to make an important decision in a few minutes. To beer or not to beer? That is the pressing question in this depressing moment. I am still torn if I’d go for another Alcohol round given that the alcohol I consumed from the previous day still has a good grip of my system. Alcohol doing what it does best bringing up unnecessary thoughts at an unpleasant timing, it suddenly occurred to me that today might count as the saddest personal Christmas ever. See, I have paid so much to get here but nothing seems to be going as I hoped and imagined things should be. On a second thought, I think I am quite okay with it, oddly. Or maybe it’s just something I wanted to believe. Either way, I could not think straight so I will just simply let the alcohol now to do the thinking, and so I am having another bottle of beer. At least that counts as a win.