Here’s another quick rant. Or not.
(Below photo taken in Wilrijk, during one morning on my way to the university)
Guess I’ll be writing more of these outbursts from here on. In the first weeks navigating around this so-called academic battle which I managed to squeeze myself into, I've been very busy sitting in the lab reading a lot and then going home, have some wine, cook something, and sleep for 8 hours. This has been my repetitive cycle painting a portrait of a seemingly indolent person with a laptop. The lack of sunshine makes things even worse. If it’s not raining, it’s fogging, and it’s generally dark since nights grew longer and days are shorter. Meanwhile, one of the real challenges at this point aside from the abrupt change in weather is having plenty of time but feeling the pressure to prove myself that I was fit for the job. Even after work hours, it feels like I'm always working even if I’m not. At home, I can't shake the feeling that I'm not doing enough, second guessing myself all the time. Being in a foreign land amplifies this internal struggle even more, everything feels tougher, turning every single day a seemingly futile and monotonous expedition. The only highlights are lunch breaks when I can grab some warm Belgian food, although a far cry from French delights. I am fully aware that I sound like a kindergarten kid looking forward for the recess time here. This current state I am at is tough, but I hope things will get better in the next few months. if anything, one bright spot is that everyone speaks English here. And most people are generally nice.
Speaking of people being nice and everyone speaking English – relying on Google Translate hasn’t been a heavy necessity for me anymore, which is soooo nice. Not that I know Dutch, but simply because people are kind enough to speak English whenever I need to communicate with them. Google Maps though is a different story; it has become a second nature. Thanks to Google Maps I've managed to explore over 20 countries in the last two years. It’s something this lost puppy on a leash owes a lot to technology tbh. Living in a foreign country and travelling around, I've been heavily dependent on it, until my phone faced a major setback recently. It refused to connect to the internet, and the GPS went haywire. Bad news because I'm not the best at directions and Google Maps has been my lifeline. Even back in Manila, I can't imagine finding my way around without it prompting me to just use Grab when there’s no other way around, which suddenly makes me realize how privileged we are right now.
Speaking of privileges (amidst these rants and all), I am living the dream and I am thankful for that. Every day I feel that destiny has favoured me very well . Truly, this journey is tough. It's transformative. It's captivating and perplexing, and even a bit crazy-inducing. But the truth of the matter is it's incredible. It's a life-changing experience in the most positive way. Despite the challenges and the occasional absurd complaints, even when the negative aspects seem to outweigh the positive, it's still way better than being back home where an endless circus unfolds, personally and politically at that.
