I was today years old when I systematically thought-of and fully realized the thingsand people I have lost over petty, shallow, and simply unreasonable reasons in this lifetime. Historically, there are these remnants of burnt bridges and decomposing olive branches, too many and too intense that making amends or undoing such acts will simply not work as the damage incurred are quite irreversible. I may over and over pull the Aquarius card and put the blame on this sign but it all really just boils down to this problematic defective portion in this attitude of mine known as pride paired with this pathetic talent I’m not hugely proud of called disappearing act – I can instantly leave with a hard face, without a trace, sometimes in a cold feet. Sadly, I’m extra good at that.
This Coron trip almost cost me some people yet again as the usual virus (the Coron strain, this time) fatally pulled one of its spellbinding tricks on me. The story happened towards the end of 2019 when I had this quick escape to the famed destination in question, along with a mix of friends et al. I wasn’t part of the initial cast and plan but due to some turnout of events that prompted favorable conditions with respect to my shitty job schedule, I was able to squeeze in, scrub myself on, and found my way flying with the group heading to Busuanga on that fateful November morning. Amazing as it sounds everything went smooth and fine, long enough, but not until.
Usual suspects in this getaway are the major tour destinations bursting with nature’s beauty – the heart-leg-testing Mt Tapyas, revitalizing Maquinit Hot Spring, and every grandiose thing the boat tour has offered under Coron’s good name, the food being the highlight. But sometime along the tour while doing the kayakthing, afloat and paddling through those clear, pristine, blue waters, an unnecessary misunderstanding sprouted; got into a heated argument that I lost grip of my cool. Then resorted to go on silent treatment spree after, my usual old-school defense mechanism. It was all there is to do for me, really, since I didn’t know how to react soundly and rightfully in all honesty. Silly but I get through the remainder of the day hopelessly scavenging for the slightest data signal in the area catching a UP basketball game on live stream, lamely for the sake of avoiding everyone. I was practically messed up that the littlest parts of my sanity were basically scattered all over the place, all over the wrong places.
But somehow part of growing up is knowing better, acknowledging the elephant in the room, in the process. Simply, being the greater person, for whatever meaning it holds. I knew I needed to step down from the high horse, the move that well did all the wonders to barely avoid yet another disaster bound to happen. Long story short, all is well that ends well.
This is the exact thing about communication I find very hard to master through the years – hard to admit but it’s my truth. And I feel extremely bad about being this person who almost always chooses to ignore rather than engage, someone who pretends to be an island, which is essentially, no man is. Because at the end of the day this soul toughly hiding behind some pretentious hard shell, in fact, truly cares even if he say or act otherwise. Again, irritating Aquarius stuff.
Right now, I’m still working on this major personality kink that has been bugging me all these years and slapping me hard with this long list of losses which are forever reminders and hard evidences of my plain stupidity, cowardice, and insecurity. While it might be too late to tie some of those loose ends, rekindle those neglected flames, and rebuild those abandoned ships at this point in time, I still am trying to elect to salvage, protect, and fight for whatever that’s left, for what’s there in store, and for all it’s due.
This promise goes out for all of you people who are always there silently looking out for each other (& me), celebrating each other’s victories, and together drowning in sorrows during defeats when necessary, be it through simple pms or over cold bottles of beer.
This promise goes out for all of you people who are always there silently looking out for each other (& me), celebrating each other’s victories, and together drowning in sorrows during defeats when necessary, be it through simple pms or over cold bottles of beer.
& happy birthday to me then,
