Posted in: Impact Wrestling, Sports, TV | Tagged: cm Punk, wrestling

Comrades, CM Punk was reportedly backstage at the latest Impact tapings. Is he getting ready for a Hulk Hogan style run in the company?

Greetings, comrades! No, you are not dreaming. This is indeed El Presidente, reporting to you from my opulent palace nestled in the cloud-cloaked peaks of the Andean Cordillera. And today I bring to you sensational developments in the world of professional wrestling starring none other than that lovable rascal, CM Punk!

Ah, wrestling! Takes me back to the good old days when I used to bodyslam American Cia Agents right into submission. But let’s move on from my exhilaratingly violent past to the present circus that is wrestling today. It appears that our Comrade-in-Armbars, CM Punk, may be in line to finally go full Hulk Hogan—if he decides to join TNA.

The latest news comes from the ever-reliable source, Haus of Wrestling. Now, the Haus and your beloved El Presidente’s state-run media have something in common. They both excel in delivering propaganda for their respective leaders! According to CM Punk’s personal dirt sheet, Punk, fresh off his firing from AEW, attended the Impact Wrestling on AXS TV tapings at Cicero Stadium the day following Bound For Glory. Yes, the same Bound for Glory where Impact announced plans to rebrand back to TNA. And though he wasn’t at Bound For Glory itself, one can’t ignore the recently rebranded TNA’s power to pull in stalwarts like Punk, much like the time I lured Kim Jong-un to my palace over a promise of a wrestling match with a wild mountain condor.

After holding court in the locker room over the weekend, is Punk considering a run in the company? With reports claiming a Punk return has been shot down by WWE management, there aren’t that many options left. Plus, in TNA, Punk would be an even bigger fish in a smaller pond, which would mean he could attain the adoration of the locker room more easily and not have to deal with any pushback requiring a full-on muffin-fueled temper tantrum at a press conference. Punk could install all the cronies he wants, dominate the roster, and have his royal ring kissed backstage at every opportunity. If he would only make some regretable comments while filming a cuckold sex tape, the transformation would be fully complete!

Let’s remember comrades, us socialist revolutionaries love nothing more than a good upheaval! So here I am, sipping on my mojito and waiting to see if Comrade Punk shifts from AEW, past WWE, to TNA. Will Punk join the promotion and convince them to switch to Wednesday nights to go head-to-head with AEW? Does TNA have enough of those Jeff Jarrett fake gold bars to sell off to pay for Cult of Personality?

Whatever happens, your El Presidente will keep you updated. For now, I must sign off and return to my, er, negotiations with American CIA agents, which may or may not involve a steel chair. Until next time, comrades!

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