THIS IS A VERY BAD PUN BUT IT'S LATE JUNE, WHATEVER

[An afternoon meeting in the Clemson locker room]

DABO SWINNEY: Well, I've had a dang good time getting to know y'all, and I hope you did too. People always ask what the best part of my job is, and they assume I'm gonna say beating a rival or winning a big bowl game. But I've always said it's the opportunity to develop relationships with kids like y'all.

GOATS: (chewing loudly)

DABO: And naturally we hope you enjoyed the kudzu! Gotta taste better than that mushy goosegrass they give you down in Columbia, am I right?

GOATS: (licking legs of chairs)

DABO: Now, I know y'all are hearing some negative recruiting, claiming we're only after one of you and offerin' the rest just to get him.

Are we interested in making our special teams stronger by signing the top kicker in the country who happens to be a goat? Definitely. Do I laugh at the media know-it-alls who say we can't possibly get him academically qualified? You bet your butt I do. Would I take any one of you if that kickin' goat decides to commit elsewhere on signing day? Absolutely.

GOATS: (halfway through devouring a whiteboard)

DABO: It's a privilege to coach some of the best recruits in the country, but it's such a wonderful opportunity to take players who aren't four or five stars and help them grow on the field and in their relationship with Chr-

CLEMSON MEDIA RELATIONS EMPLOYEE: (shaking head vigorously)

DABO: With, um, the community. Anyways, I just wanted to thank y'all again for coming to visit, and know that my door is always open to you or your families.

GOATS: (checking phone)