By: Beasties
SportParody Staff Writer

Legendary and often controversial NCAA basketball head coach Bobby Knight feels that the press give him a bad rap and just flat out misunderstand him. In order to show America his softer, calmer, more collective side, Bobby Knight has agreed to do a reality show in which twenty Texas Tech students will go through a series of “soft and calm” basketball practices, with one lucky student getting an opportunity as a walk-on to the Texas Tech basketball team the following year.

Sportspardy was fortunate enough to land an exclusive interview with Bobby Knight. The following is a transcript:

SportParody: So Mr. Knight, what kind of drills do you plan to use?

Knight: Well, a technique I like to use when one of my players misses a lay-up is a therapeutic neck exercise where I massage their throat with my whole hand.

SP: Umm, I think the technical term for that is choking, isn't it?

Knight: You disrespectful piece of ****, that is not what I’m talking about at all! It’s a neck exercise is all, don’t be like the rest of the media you big dope!

SP: Okay....moving on. What other motivational techniques will you apply to these students?

Knight: Let’s say one of my players has a bad game and played like garbage. Well, what I like to do is use interactive learning is all I will say.

SP: You mean you make them stand in a trash can if they play like garbage?

Knight: God you media are the devil! I use a can, yes, but you perceive it as a garbage can when in fact it’s just a can they stand in, you again couldn't be farther from the facts dumb-ass.

SP: All-righty then.... what comments would you like to make about your chair throwing incident in 1985?

Knight: I’m getting tired of this; I didn’t throw the damn chair! I softly glided it on the floor over to my good buddy who was sitting on the other side. For crying out loud, it was a packed house and he didn’t have a seat. I’m tired of these outrageous accusations by you God-**** people! I’m getting the **** out of here!

SP: There you have it folks... The new softer side of Bobby Knight which is sure to be shown on his new reality show.


Knight calmly explains his point of view to a referee