By: REALSPORTS
SportParody Staff Writer

CHICAGO, IL-– Ron Toam and Andrew Miller are two high-powered Corporate attorneys working in the Chicago loop. As White Sox season-ticket holders, they have enjoyed an amazing run this year, watching the Southsiders surprise all of baseball with their playoff run.

Throughout the season, Toam and Miller frequently made side bets on the games, on everything from the final score to the results of each pitch. As chronic gamblers, Toam and Miller would often exchange hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars through the course of a game.

During Wednesday’s ALCS game 2 Sox victory, Toam was having an awful night as a bettor, losing thousands of dollars on wrong calls on balls and strikes, hits and outs. During the 5th inning, Toam lost $2000 alone by giving Miller 100-1 odds on a $20 bet on Robb Quinlan hitting a homerun in his at bat. Explains Toam, “Quinlan was a light-hitting bench player who only had 5 home runs all year. The way Buerhle was pitching, I said no way in hell is that busher hitting a homerun.” Much to Toam’s chagrin, Quinlan turned on a Buerhle fastball for his first career postseason home run. Said Toam, “I wanted to cry.”

With two outs in the bottom of the ninth, as Miller was counting the winnings he planned to blow later that night at the strip club, Toam half-jokingly offered a last-ditch long shot bet. “What kind of odds will you give me on A.J. Pierzynski striking out and running to first after the game is over and still being called safe after a lengthy conference by the umpires??” Miller was laughing as he said, “OK, a billion to one.” Unbelievably, Pierzynski proceeded to strike out, have the umpire call him out, yet still end up safe at first. As Miller watched incredulously, Toam saw his 1 dollar bet turn into $1 billion dollars. Said Toam, “Yes!! I knew my chronic gambling problems would pay off one day. This is a good lesson for all the chronic gamblers out there who keep losing and losing. Just keep at it, and you’re bound to hit it big one day.”

Miller, meanwhile, remained in a state of shock well after the game had ended. “I don’t know how I’m going to explain this to my wife, assuming I still have a wife when I get home,” explained Miller. “I just put my kids, my kids’ kids, and their kids all into bankruptcy. It will be a few millennia before my descendants finally pay off this debt.”

Toam, meanwhile, promised to not be heartless toward his old lawyer buddy. “I told him he didn’t have to pay the $1 billion up front…he just has to pay me $1 million dollars over the next 1000 years.”