The NFL cream is still at the top with no upsets for the top five teams.

The NFL is trying to pretend it’s the NBA and MLB with all these mega star trade rumors. We’ve already seen a B-List wide receiver get traded for a first rounder in Amari Cooper. Ok, not really a B-Lister, but certainly not someone of even Demaryius Thomas’s caliber.

Here’s the thing: If the Broncos trade a single starter and it isn’t a package deal for Patrick Peterson, then they need to just trade away all the players they don’t think will be here next year and start Chad Kelly. Trade Keenum to Jacksonville who doesn’t need great QB play, they just need competent QB play, and Keenum provides that. Trade DT for whatever you can. Same with Bradley Roby and Shane Ray. Keep your core and your stars, but trade these 3-4 players and get you a Patrick Peterson and start Chad Kelly because apparently the future is now!

1. Los Angeles Rams:

What can you say about the last undefeated team who just steamrolled another opponent? They get the #1 ranking for being the #1 team.

2. Kansas City Chiefs:

Does this upcoming game count as a 2nd bye week? Like the first time, I’m not all that optimistic. This team, honest to God, is Super Bowl bound. I think the Pats have to march into Arrowhead in January and beat them... and it ain’t happening. I know we love giving the Chief fans grief because they haven’t won a playoff game since the NFL moved away from leather helmets, but bringing up that sort of history when this team is clearly vastly superior to any team the Broncos might be trotting out just reeks of desperation.

3. New England Patriots:

What a difference a Gronk makes. I’m impressed that they are still winning, but man, it’s getting really close these days.

4. New Orleans Saints:

All it took was me to get my pic taken with “The Nun” for the Saints to win... Told you they’d win cause I was in town (even though it was an away game, which made it even more impressive).

5. Los Angeles Chargers:

I mean, they’re in the Top 5, what more do you want from me?

6. Minnesota Vikings:

Not bad Vikings. You’re officially entering the “What this team looked like last year while paying their QB a fraction of what they are now” territory.

7. Baltimore Ravens:

Some call this a loss. I call it a loss to a better team. So I can’t really ding them that much.

8. Green Bay Packers:

Get healthy Rodgers, they’re gonna need you. More time rehabbing, less time taking photo’s out. Save that for the offseason.

9. Carolina Panthers:
I want to be higher on the Panthers, but to score all of your points in the final quarter? That’s dangerous living right there.

10. Pittsburgh Steelers:

Move up a spot by virtue of not even playing... or by all the other teams like the Jags sucking. Both work equally well with them I think.

11. Atlanta Falcons:

How can Atlanta have the same record as the Broncos and be twice as high as them? I mean, we got weed! This aggression will not stand, man!

12. Philadelphia Eagles:

Who is this squad and what did you do to last year’s team? I haven’t seen a team go from Super Bowl Champs to chumps this quickly since, well, the Broncos did it. But in Denver’s defense, they lost their QB to retirement. What’s the Eagles’ excuse?

13. Cincinnati Bengals:

You get the unlucky #13 spot until you prove you deserve anything good to happen to you.

14. Seattle Seahawks:

Fresh off their bye week, they get Detroit, who last week was fresh off their bye week. We’ll see if they continue their progression back to relevancy.

15. Cleveland Browns:

You’re so close. If the offense and defense can get it together at the same time, man, this team can make amazing music.

16. Washington Redskins:

I’m not all that impressed, but a win is a win is a win, especially against their most hated rival.

17. Jacksonville Jaguars:

18. Chicago Bears:

19. Tennessee Titans:

I love the balls, but it was the absolute WRONG TIME for that. C’mon, seriously? That has got to be as bad as when the Lions decided to defer the kick in overtime before the overtime rules changed! Are you allergic to winning?

20. Houston Texans:

Did I say three in a row last week? Did I say I liked the way this team was heading? Well, make it 4 in a row. Or as Bill O’Brien likes to call it “the anti-Vance Joseph” (for those of you not getting my humor, it’s 4 wins in a row as opposed to VJ’s 4 losses in a row).

21. Denver Broncos:

Don’t let fools gold trick you into thinking this team is back. Remember they are still the team that can get blown out by the Jets. I think this was an emotional high and now we get to see if it’s followed up by that big let down like it does to so many teams. Is it too early for Predictions? Because I got one for us in Kansas City...

22. Dallas Cowboys:

Enjoy fools gold in Amari Cooper, Jerry. Didn’t you almost bet the farm for Paxton Lynch too?

23. Detroit Lions:

Fresh off the Bye and you beat Oz. Good on ya.

24. Miami Dolphins:

See? SEE?!?! I told you all that Brock has 1 good game in him before he reverts back to being Brock. Even though he played ok. And by ok, I mean better than Keenum. Downward Trajectory!!!

25. Tampa Bay Buccaneers:

It took everything you had at home to beat the Browns. That alone is shame enough. No sense in knocking them down even further to rub salt in that wound.

26. Indianapolis Colts:

They showed signs of life, but we must factor in who they were playing.

27. New York Jets:

Too bad the Jets can’t play the Broncos every week.

28. New York Giants:

The only thing separating the Giants from the Raiders is... Umm... that they aren’t fire sale(ing) all their players? Yet they suck equally bad. Upon further review, maybe they should be #32.

29. San Francisco 49ers:

The Rams doing Rams things to the 49ers. I hear in defense of Vance Joseph “what’s Kyle Shanahans’ record without Jimmy?” but that’s a losers lament. What’s Tomlin’s without Big Ben? What’s Paytons without Drew Brees? What’s Dungy’s without...

30. Buffalo Bills:

Live look inside of the Bills locker room and their shiny new franchise QB:

31. Arizona Cardinals:

And so much for this “out of the bottom two teams” talk. Patrick Peterson is demanding a trade. I’ve pounded the table since we traded Talib for him. Oh look, they need WR help too? And LB help? And if they lose Peterson, CB help? I know of a few freaking salaries to trade them with so we can fit Peterson in under the cap. C’mon Elway, do what you kept telling Tebow to do and “pull the trigger” already! Don’t be a hypocrite!

32. Oakland Raiders:

And the Raiders got stronger next year but weaker this year for trading away Cooper for a first round pick. How is it that Gruden can fire sale away players for first rounders, yet Elway can’t get a sniff for anything? And if he does, it’s gonna be a conditional 7th for a pro-bowler? Is he that bad of a GM? That clueless? Does he need to go back to being a used car salesman to be able to talk GM’s into bad trades? You’re killing me Elway, you’re killing me!!!