11/28/2020 – Michigan 17, Penn State 27 – 2-4 Big Ten

Only one picture goes in the history book. We've got the French And Indian War to cover, people! Teapot Dome! William Henry Harrison, briefly! So you've got one image to sum up whatever your thing is. Maybe a couple paragraphs. This is no time for subtlety. Beat 'em over the head with it. Elide various details. Sum up a complicated series of decisions and events with one emblematic Item For Posterity. Accurate? Maybe. Pithy? Yes! 

The Item For Posterity leader in the clubhouse for Jim Harbaugh's tenure at Michigan is from Daily reporter Theo Mackie, who set up shop behind the bench in an empty Michigan Stadium for the latest football-type exercise:

The loudest cheers from Harbaugh’s sideline in the second half came on Penn State penalties. When freshman receiver A.J. Henning leapt over a Nittany Lions’ defender to make a highlight-reel catch, Harbaugh had to turn towards a group of players sitting on the bench and tell them to stand up and cheer.

This catch was stunning enough that I momentarily roused myself from my torpor in its aftermath. I am a person who has given up on this coaching regime and is mostly worried that whatever signs of life this team displays will get in the way of hiring Matt Campbell. Persons on the football team are in the midst of a project most of them have spent large chunks of their lives pursuing, watching a game that's still within reach. If Harbaugh has to pull the Jeb(!) Bush "please clap" on them, it's over. Sooner or later, it's over.

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The brief explanation that makes the textbook is this: not enough people liked Jim Harbaugh.

I once sat near a former walk-on defensive back at a game during the waning days of the Carr regime, when people were unhappy and getting more vociferous about it. He swore up and down that he and anyone else who played for Lloyd Carr would run through a wall for him. I have no doubt this is true. Carr engendered loyalty that still borders on fanatical some 15 years after his retirement. We had a former Carr OL on MGoRadio last year and tried to talk about Michigan's improved offensive line; he spent the bulk of the segment dumping on five future NFL draft picks after going undrafted himself. Because they weren't like the guys in the old days. ¯\_(?)_/¯

Say what you want about Carr's failure to adapt to modern college football, hidebound dedication to Mike DeBord, and failure to spawn any sort of coaching tree: people loved him. Still do. Not everyone, but most people. Enough people.

I'm sure a number of people love Jim Harbaugh, but the parade of transfers and lateral-or-worse coaching departures, the various high schools at which Michigan can't recruit unless the player in question was raised in a winged helmet madrasa, the coaching fraternity that can't wait to shiv the guy: these are indications that Harbaugh's famously prickly nature hasn't mellowed out like his sideline demeanor has. He is infamous in a profession that is frequently the last refuge of the criminally insane.

When a guy like Harbaugh stumbles, the knives come out and the whole edifice collapses. Harbaugh's proven that if he gets things pointed in the right direction and gets buy in he can take things in the right direction implausibly fast and reach implausible heights. But three NFC championship games in three years was not enough capital to survive one mediocre season with the 49ers. The 49ers axed him so they could promote Jim Tomsula, a career defensive line coach who looked like a cross between Wario and Adam Sandler's character in Uncut Gems. This was the thing 49ers fans were momentarily excited about in the aftermath:

I bought an ironic Jim Tomsula "Bludgeon" shirt like a smug asshole, and now here we are. At some point Harbaugh rubs you the wrong way and if you've got a smidgen of historical success without him, even Jim Tomsula looks like a good idea.

Stanford, though… Stanford was different. The sad-sack Pac-12 program hadn't experienced success since John Elway and was coming off three of the worst back-to-back-to-back hires—Tyrone Willingham, Buddy Teevens, and Walt Harrris—in recent college football history. They were losers. Historic, unprecedented, incredible losers. They craved any level of success and would put up with any level of eccentricity to get it. A titanic upset of USC with a third-string quarterback and pottery major established him as Dear Leader. And nothing would shake that.

That's what Jim Harbaugh needs: losers. The biggest damn losers on the planet. Not people who look on a 9-3 season as a disappointment. People who regard wins as worse draft position.

Harbaugh and the Lions need each other. Michigan cannot stand in the way of the most perfect match heaven and hell have ever yet conceived.

[After THE JUMP: Pizza party! Please click.]

AWARDS

Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week

you're the man now, dog

#1 Hassan Haskins. 105 yards on 17 carries, two touchdowns, seems to give a crap. This is in short supply.

#2 Gemon Green. Repeatedly targeted without much success.

#3 AJ Henning. Please clap! Henning's 28-yard catch was 31% of McNamara's total passing yards. Not bad!

Honorable mentions: I was fairly close to putting Jake Moody on here for not putting any of his kickoffs out of bounds, so noooope.

KFaTAotW Standings. (Scoring: 8 points for first, 5 for second, 3 for third, 1 for HM. Points from ties adjudicated by an ankylosaur named Sharon.)

15: Hassan Haskins(HM Minnesota, HM MSU, #2 Rutgers, #1 PSU)
14: Joe Milton (#1 Minnesota, #3 MSU, #3 Indiana)
11: Giles Jackson(#1 MSU, #3 Rutgers)
10: Dax Hill (#2 MSU, #2 Indiana), Ronnie Bell (HM Minnesota, #1 Indiana, HM Rutgers)
8: Cade McNamara(#1 Rutgers)
5: Kwity Paye(T2 Minnesota, HM MSU, HM Indiana), Gemon Green (#2 PSU).
3: Aidan Hutchinson(T2 Minnesota), Michael Barrett(#3 Minnesota), AJ Henning (#3 PSU).
2: Cornelius Johnson(HM Indiana, HM Rutgers)
1: Ben Mason (HM Minnesota), Jaylen Mayfield (HM Minnesota), Roman Wilson (HM MSU), Brad Robbins(HM Indiana),

Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week

Haskins's 59-yard run sets up a Michigan touchdown and Michigan momentarily looking functional.

Honorable mention: Henning's catch, Frames's end of half spike.

?MARCUS HALL EPIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK.

A third and four is PBUed because all WRs are short of the sticks and PSU is aware that Cade McNamara cannot throw downfield.

Honorable mention: McNamara pulling himself off the field, Sean Clifford wandering through Michigan's second level like a small child in a field of dandelions, lingering, smelling, blowing seeds every which way, accidentally moseying into the endzone after a delightful afternoon picnic. The camembert was especially piquant and the defenders converging in the distance were an amusing backdrop.

OFFENSE

Let's beat this dead horse some more. Michigan played Cade McNamara after a shoulder injury bad enough to require him to go back to the locker room for a painkilling shot. He threw one pass downfield, that the leaping Henning catch on a ball that was short and way too far inside. The rest of it was attempting to dink four yards at a time.

Whatever you think about Joe Milton, it is incredible that the guy who supposedly had a dead lock on the job to the point where Dylan McCaffrey transferred is now so far behind the third-string QB that the third-string guy is preferred when his functional passing range is nil. A colossal, unforgivable roster disaster.

Keegan debuts. He looked like a masher on a Michigan touchdown drive, so there's that. I'll be interested to see how he did in UFR. I'm guessing it's going to be a series of nice blocks intermixed with mis-IDing stuff. Zinter was apparently out with a thumb injury, so that may not have been a voluntary switch. May as well see what you've got there.

There is not much to say when your offense cannot get the ball downfield at all. As soon as PSU realized that McNamara was still broken Michigan's offense was doomed, and there's no way to scheme your way out of that.

DEFENSE

Packing it in. Penn State was down Devyn Ford so the Nittany Lions rotated two true freshman RBs; as a team they put up 5.9 yards a carry once you eliminate a sack and three kneel-downs. This was with Kwity Paye back on the field. And the weird thing is it didn't feel like the DTs were a major problem? I'll have to check that half-ass feelingsball but that is my take as it stands.

Walk-ons come back to earth. Adam Shibley and Hunter Reynolds did not seem to maintain their solid play from the Rutgers game. Shibley in particular seemed overmatched by PSU's ground game.

SPECIAL TEAMS

The inevitable muff. Mike Sainristil's muffed punt bouncing directly into the hands of a gunner is not emblematic, because it implies that opponents have been exceptionally fortunate when they have merely had to play Michigan.

Michigan hit a field goal. Also they did not kickoff out of bounds twice, like Penn State did. Everything's coming up Milhouse.

MISCELLANEOUS

FWIW. The image for posterity has been formally denied:

Harbaugh denies the detail in my story that he had to turn to players and tell them to cheer. To re-state: The coaches were running down the sideline cheering. Most of the players were already standing. Harbaugh turned to a group sitting on the bench and waved them to stand up.

— Theo Mackie (@theo_mackie) November 30, 2020

Uh… what? I think this is going to need a clarification because it could mean almost anything:

Harbaugh said "yes" when asked if anyone had tested presumptive positive before Saturday, but it's unclear how far before Saturday he's referring to or how many people. Most of the starters who missed Saturday's game had a known injury

— Aria Gerson (@aria_gerson) November 30, 2020

Michigan has had guys test positive before Saturday, obviously, so depending on how the question was phrased that could just mean "yeah in September we had some guys test positive." Or it could mean various absences at Michigan have been COVID positives that the program doesn't want to reveal for whatever reason. Which is an incredible funhouse mirror version of the program's insane commitment to secrecy. How's that going? Good? Ah, apparently not.

FRAMES! A moment of levity late in the first half, when Penn State achieved first and goal with about 40 seconds on the clock and a timeout. James Franklin called for a first-down spike with ~30 seconds left and threw a fade on the next play. You know, the dumbest/worst/easiest thing to call in a goal-to-go situation. The thing Penn State could have done on first down. One third-down incompletion later, Penn State was kicking a field goal with 17 seconds on the clock and a timeout.

Thank you, James Franklin, for having a hilarious personal brand that can provide even Michigan fans a moment of pure delight as they watch their team lose to your 0-5 outfit.

Jarbaugh. Punting from the plus-43 on fourth and three. Cumong man.