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Timecops 2775

Timecops 2775 Brian December 5th, 2018 at 1:47 PM

12/4/2018 – Michigan 62, Northwestern 60 – 8-0, 2-0 Big Ten

Q: Really?

A: You should look at it as a compliment.

Q: I'm supposed to use the greatest invention in the history of humanity to go back seven hundred years in time to… I don't even know?

A: You guys have already repaired all of the really bad stuff. Nobody outside of this organization knows anything about World War II, Larry Culpepper, or Michigan Football from 2007-2037. This… this is what's left.

Q: And we have to spend our allocation or…?

A: Exactly. We get less next year.

Q: And this is what you want.

A: I mean… they made GIFs and everything. Look at it:

Q: This does not reflect well on the species.

A: It does not.

Q: I'm still unclear on the mission. Kill Hitler. Make Pitbull the permanent intergalactic president. Brain-swap Rich Rodriguez and Nick Saban. These are all defined goals. How am I supposed to prevent… that?

A: You could have a stern talk with him about the essential dignity of humanity and the importance of its preservation?


A: I see you've been on a college basketball head coach mission before.

Q: Yes, President Pitbull. The Izzident is the darkest day in our organization's history.

A: "First, do no harm."

Q: Violated. The first and only time.

A: Look, just change the refereeing structure of college basketball to be fundamentally less sycophantic to little Hitlers. Any coach venturing onto the court during play gets a tech.

Q: Now that's the kind of timeline revision I can get behind.

A: Make it so. Dale.

[After THE JUMP: the post gets marginally less silly]


Phew. Raise your hand if you were dead certain that prayer three attempt was banking in.

If Northwestern was going to win this game they were going to have to do it the way they did: by throwing up a bunch of garbage and watching it drop through the net. Vic Law hit 4 of 8 threes despite having maybe one good look, and there were maybe three buckets from anyone who spells his name right that weren't contested jumpers. All but one of Northwestern's three-pointers were off the bounce, and most were from NBA range. Scraping up to just under a point per possession was an anomalous event.

Meanwhile Michigan's offensive issues can be tracked back to one main thing: 0/8 from three from the guys who are questionable shooters (Simpson, Teske, Matthews), with five of those coming from Zavier Simpson. Simpson was dared to shoot on three consecutive second-half possessions and took up the challenge, clanking three straight threes. Michigan lifted him for Eli Brooks until the final minute.

Michigan blew out their most recent opponents by 17 and 19 by shooting 50% from three. Here they shot 25%. If they hit the five additional threes they win by… 17. That's obviously not likely to happen when you've got a quarter of those shots coming from Simpson, but there's the difference. Michigan shot 54% from two and had single-digit turnovers.

Not even that weird. People say that any road win in the Big Ten is good. While sometimes that's a way of downplaying a poor performance against a bad team, in this Big Ten they're probably right. Northwestern was 46th in Kenpom, and it was on the road, so the system only projected a 6-point win. Home/road is a boggling swing.


[Marc-Gregor Campredon]

Iggy. Now up to #8 on the Kenpom Player of the Year standings. 26% usage, shooting 58/55 and 79% from the line with a top 250 FT rate. And he has a MAAR-esque TO rate. Came to Michigan's rescue time after time, blunting Northwestern runs with tough takes to the basket and shooting 50% from three. ORTGs of 138, 146, 165, and 123 in Michigan's four games against top-50-quality opponents.

Best player in the Big Ten? The only argument against him is that he's not occupying the absurd amounts of usage that Carsen Edwards and Ethan Happ are.

Pardon the banked-in three. "Dererk" Pardon had A Game, but it was very much a game of two halves. He had 16 points on 7-8 shooting in the first half; in the second half he had two shots. He made both, but he was largely shut off.

In the first half Northwestern ran a bunch of pick and roll on which the primary goal wasn't to get anything on that action but get Pardon established with deep post position, which he did well with. Attempts to post him up against Teske straight up in the second half didn't go well, as Teske was able to body him out of the paint. Pardon just kicked those entry passes back out. When he did get the ball in a somewhat threatening position Michigan was using Brazdeikis to double since his guy was not a shooter.

Can't blame the first half approach since I think pretty much everyone expected a one-on-one matchup between Pardon, who was bleah against Michigan last year, and Teske to go Michigan's way. Also Pardon hit that three and had a couple of lucky rolls when he hit the front of the rim.

Autobench complaints are off. Teske picked up some fouls and necessitated some Austin Davis time, during which Davis looked pretty bad and Northwestern caught up fast. Teske still got 32 minutes, as as a 7-footer in some foul trouble. There's a reasonable case that a Teske with zero fouls gets the same number of minutes.

Benching Matthews for stretches didn't have much impact on the game. Matthews was horrendously inefficient, with three points on 8 shot attempts. The first two were on an open court dunk. The third only came because a lane violation gave him a mulligan on a free throw. Isaiah Livers wasn't doing anything either but he wasn't using possessions to not score, at least.

About that backup C. Davis looked grim. He had zero shots, three fouls, and a turnover in seven minutes and he was indirectly responsible for Brazdeikis's sole TO of the game. Brazdeikis drove and threw up an alley-oop that Teske would have thrown down. Davis had it glance off the top of his hands.

I think Davis is getting more blame for the Northwestern spurt that came when he entered than he deserves. He didn't cause Simpson to turn a transition situation into an open court turnover and a fast break the other way, and one of his fouls was an absurd nothing call when Pardon jumped away from him to catch the ball. Here are Northwestern's makes on their run:

His only contribution to that run was the aforementioned ridiculous call he suffered. And the turnover, but I thought he was fouled on that as well. It was a fake dribble handoff where the guy on the guard ran right into him.

Buuuuut, yeah, the next four games are an opportunity to test-drive Johns and Castleton in case one of them can emerge into a 10 MPG player.

Hook and hold. I mean, I guess. Teske should have gone up with both hands, or at least tried to, to avoid that call. It is insane to me that we're stopping basketball games for minutes at a time to maybe call a foul for grabbing someone's arm. That's the second worst reviewable thing in sports*.

*[#1 is when hockey reviews goals in case they were offsides. Offsides shouldn't even exist in hockey. FACT.]


December 5th, 2018 at 2:04 PM ^

Fact: Jean-Claude Van Damme is a national treasure. Me thinks Rutger would do well to hire him as their SAC Coach. Doing the splits between 2 semis could replace gassers. While their at it, they could add Eric Roberts as an assistant coach. "Pop it Tommy! Pop it!!!" At least it would make things more interesting than they currently are.
Profile picture for user MGoBlue-querque

In reply to Fact: Jean-Claude Van Damme… by Brockster


December 5th, 2018 at 2:21 PM ^

The law of the internet requires this gif be posted anytime JCVD is mentioned: jcvd.gif

In reply to The Rule of the internet… by MGoBlue-querque


December 5th, 2018 at 2:46 PM ^

Those slacks are magical.

In reply to Those slacks are magical. by Brockster


December 7th, 2018 at 5:23 AM ^

Definitely a tank top with slacks man myself.  The moooves just happen. 

Profile picture for user lbpeley

In reply to The Rule of the internet… by MGoBlue-querque


December 5th, 2018 at 2:52 PM ^

Oh hell yes. Which one was this one from?

Profile picture for user MGoBlue-querque

In reply to Oh hell yes. Which one was… by lbpeley


December 5th, 2018 at 2:58 PM ^

It's from Kickboxer, a true classic. You can view the whole, glorious dance sequence, here:

Profile picture for user oriental andrew

In reply to The Rule of the internet… by MGoBlue-querque

oriental andrew

December 5th, 2018 at 3:19 PM ^

Love it...

Image result for jean claude van damme split gif

In reply to Love it... by oriental andrew


December 6th, 2018 at 9:59 AM ^


Profile picture for user saveferris

In reply to The Rule of the internet… by MGoBlue-querque


December 6th, 2018 at 7:07 AM ^

I'll see your Kickboxer and raise you a Breakin'...because we all know that slacks are for pansies.

Profile picture for user NotADuck

In reply to Fact: Jean-Claude Van Damme… by Brockster


December 5th, 2018 at 7:34 PM ^

"While *they're at it, they could add Eric Roberts as an assistant coach."

Sorry but I always feel the need to point out incorrect uses of there, their, and they're.  Those are three of the trickiest words in the English language.

In reply to "While *they're at it, they… by NotADuck


December 6th, 2018 at 11:01 AM ^

My bad...B List actors from the 80's and 90's get me so excited my brain blanks out.

In reply to Fact: Jean-Claude Van Damme… by Brockster


December 6th, 2018 at 2:01 PM ^


Profile picture for user Yostal


December 5th, 2018 at 2:06 PM ^

Off season content hope: Brian writes one of his thinkpieces on this:

*[#1 is when hockey reviews goals in case they were offsides. Offsides shouldn't even exist in hockey. FACT.]

Because I want to believe him, but moreover, I want to understand the ins and outs of it.

Profile picture for user stephenrjking

In reply to Off season content hope:… by Yostal


December 5th, 2018 at 2:55 PM ^

Brian advocated for this in his "Ten Ways to Make X Better: Hockey" column a couple of years ago. Not much detail, but it's there. I recall a separate discussion of the concept of offsides in a soccer thread (perhaps the "Ten Ways: Soccer" column) where I got taken for a ride. I'll have to check it out.

In reply to Brian advocated for this in… by stephenrjking


December 5th, 2018 at 3:12 PM ^

Meanwhile, I'm an advocate for painting a big blue line on the field in soccer. :)

Profile picture for user Rufus X

In reply to Brian advocated for this in… by stephenrjking

Rufus X

December 5th, 2018 at 3:13 PM ^

tl/dr version of Brian's take on offsides:  He is wrong. Offsides makes the blueline-to-blueline center of the ice matter, and by doing so makes the game much more tactical, and in my opinion watchable.

Profile picture for user kevin holt

In reply to tl/dr version of Brian's… by Rufus X

kevin holt

December 6th, 2018 at 12:52 AM ^

Yeah he's absolutely not considering the downsides and I presume he's being a little facetious. But I guess it could work if you also brought back the two-line pass rule which would be dumber and less accessible to new/casual fans. If you eliminate offsides then the team with the fastest skater/finisher wins, provided they have decent passers to set him up.

Come to think of it maybe I do wish that were the case, since when I played hockey my entire skillset was based on being faster than everyone (otherwise was too skinny/weak and couldn't really shoot at all). I would be a total star in that case...

Also I don't even know what Brian's problem is with offsides. Reviewing for it after goals is dumb but that's a different rule. Having random stoppages can suck for flow of the game but that's how the sport works and it only penalizes the offending team and the short-attention-span fan. Maybe make a rule that you can't have TV timeouts triggered by offsides.

Profile picture for user MGoFunkadelic

In reply to Off season content hope:… by Yostal


December 5th, 2018 at 4:22 PM ^

bring back the 2 line pass rule.  make hockey more physical like back in the day. 

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In reply to bring back the 2 line pass… by MGoFunkadelic

Blue in PA

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