At a time of the year when television is at an all-time low, in one of the most desolate months of the year when all we've wanted is the beginning of spring, a little March Madness, sweeps weeks for our favorite shows, summer blockbusters in our movie theaters instead of Oscar crap, the national pastime and the unveiling of women's summer wear -- we were saddled with these miserable Olympics.

The Games of Turin are mercifully over, and the 13 collective people who watch NBC on a regular basis can now go back to their nightly TV viewing. The rest of us will be happy to know that we get My Name is Earl and The Office back. I wrote a piece (see Archives) before the Games that pretty much ripped them to shreds, but I've decided after these two weeks that they are worse than I thought. Lets go over some of the reasons why, and for the sake of structure, we'll make it a top 10 list. So, here are:

Top 10 Reasons The Winter Olympics Were As Fun As Cleaning Septic Tanks

10.) Bryant Gumbel's quote on the Olympics was actually dead on accurate in terms of the unathleticism of many of these participants, and I like agreeing with Bryant Gumbel about as much as I want a venereal disease, "Count me among those who don't care about them and won't watch them. So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world's greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention." He sadly is correct, but lets get something straight, Gumbel...it's not Finland and Sweden's fault they didn't illegally import slaves in the 1600s and all their citizens are white, likewise for all the other European nations that are "cold weather" nations. Blacks are by and large the superior athletes, so if you want to take over the Winter Olympics I'm sure you could. Take a lesson from the Jamaicans and buy a bobsled, or pour some water down an alley in downtown Harlem in the dead of winter, get a rock and two busted up brooms, use your spray paint cans to paint a target instead of your own buildings and learn how to curl. Otherwise, shut up, no one cares about your racially motivated agenda. It's the freakin' Winter Olympics for Christ's sake.

9.) The U.S. men's hockey team lost to Latvia, and there were only 3 Latvians watching because they didn't even care.

8.) The entire ice dancing competition didn't involve Italian couples blaming each other for their own incompetence, ignoring each other, burning glances of hot lava through each other, and then smiling widely to go out and perform again. Don't get me wrong, most of the ice dancers fell according to the blooper reel on ESPN, but it was much funnier when they were Italian. That chick was scary.

7.) Bode Miller did not end up with a scratch on him, let alone a medal.

6.) Jeremy Bloom could have been entertaining college football fans for two more years at Colorado. Instead, he left the sport to build up for one knee-buckling (no pun intended) moguls run that was more anti-climactic than high school graduation. I hope he drops out of the draft.

5.) Germany, winning the medal count, gets its revenge for WWI and II. Somewhere in the depths of hell, Hitler flashes a toothy grin in between the piercing screams of eternal damnation.

4.) We can't even win the medal count but our speedskaters fight with each other. Oh, and Gumbel, one of them was African-American.

3.) Lindsay Jacobellis....ok, here's athleticism for ya -- you are about to obtain the most coveted prize in the entire entity you've dedicated your life to and you pull a Leon Lett, try and throw a trick in, and face plant to lose gold. I just saw this woman on a magazine cover. What a joke. If bad sportsmanship is being celebrated, why do we have a team there? And moreover, why would I care that we didn't win the medal count? She should be embarrassed for the rest of her life.

2.) The biathlon. Seriously, they ski around and shoot things. It just dumbfounds me.

1.) The athlete who is currently the poster boy for American success in the Olympics -- Shaun White. Yep, our best athlete at the Winter Games is a 139-pound Carrot Top look-alike nicknamed "The Flying Tomato." Hey Bryant, your boys have a lot of work to do the next Summer Games to get us our reputation back.