Once upon a midnight dark and dreary

Sleepless in the bed with eyes so bleary

Because their breakfast had made me teary

There be dragons there, hear ye, hear ye!

The beauty smoked Gauloises in the park

While the Beast lurked behind her in the dark

The Tale of pending horror loomed so stark

There be dragons there, out on a lark!

The beast was Jack, indeed the Ripper

But the beauty brained him with her slipper!

It was glass, remember, sized to fit her

But her stride uneven might just trip her

The three-inch heel like that of stripper?

There be dragons there with smoked kipper.

It WAS the mightiest beast in the parkland forest

And that herring cut it down to death most goreless.