My Mum died earlier in the year. My Husband and I lost our other parents within 6 months of each other just over 3 years ago.

We have been in a strange place for sometime as a result, and both of us have had to battle our way out of a kind of morbidity – on the one hand dealing with the loss of all of them and, on the other, realising we are heading into our own last third of life (we presume). I was with all of them as they died. You can’t help dwelling on the question ‘How will it be for me?’…………..a quick one I hope! But both my parents died of dementia and that doesn’t bode well for me. They didn’t suffer for too long but it was a really sad end for two really beautiful people.

SO, over the last year, we decided to make some changes. We sold our House, and we are buying a place together with one of our daughters and her family. We will have a large and, hopefully, stylish area for ourselves, whilst they take the main house. The main criteria for this was to pay off our existing mortgage so that my husband would be free of the responsibility of having to work (he likes working, though, so that’s a bonus) as well as freeing up some cash.

Our purchase of the new home has not completed yet, but we had to move out of our old house because it sold at the end of August. My husband and I are currently living in a small dining room, and a hot (when the sun’s out) conservatory at my daughter’s house, till the new one comes through……… so our little part of the new house will seem palatial after this! It will feel more like a bonus, than downsizing which it would have been if it were a straight move in from our old, pretty large, house.

It was important for us to make some changes in our life, to give us something new to think about and plan for, and ultimately it has benefitted not only one of our three daughters, but all of them – they are all going through life-changing situations at the moment, and it would seem the Universe has provided the solution, in terms of timing, perfectly for us all. When things work out well, it’s like getting a great slap on the back for taking a scary leap of faith. Whilst in some respects some of this is not particularly easy, it is becoming clear that it was very much the right thing to do, and, more importantly, we were right to be proactive in terms of making things better for ourselves.

Many of us are trapped in a rut, some hard and gritty, and some fur-lined, but each of them are limiting our lifestyle and capabilities. Finding ways out of that rut can be hard and scary, but often, once we’re free, we find the freedom invigorating and we are given new and even better opportunities.

Naturally, because of our loss, I am now able to focus more on our children and grandchildren growing and expanding into amazing human beings, instead of watching our parents struggle with their situations and illnesses, on a path leading to nowhere. It is a much more pleasing prospect.

I have thought a lot about illness and death just recently, and have been trying to come to terms with my aging Body. I felt guided to do some yoga. I couldn’t find a local venue that provided what I was looking for, and so ended up buying a DVD of yoga for the over 50s. I am so chuffed! I found that I can do each of the poses in the sessions fairly easily, and also that I am more agile and supple than I thought! But the amazing thing is, after only two sessions, how vibrant and alive my body feels to me – right down to the soles of my feet; and I feel like each muscle in my body has been gently awoken and it feels amazing! I am not a gym waller, nor can I run (my ankles and knees give up straight away!), so I was struggling to find something that toned me up that wasn’t too excessive or too messy to do regularly.

I have started to suffer with a kind of arthritis, I think, as my feet and knees hurt when I get up out of bed in the morning – except for this morning, they didn’t feel half as bad! It’s early days yet, but instead of feeling that the inevitable onset of old age (I’m 59 – and it’s beginning to tell) can’t be avoided, I am determined to keep my body physically toned, through yoga, if I possibly can. I am so behind the times! I wasted years of not knowing how helpful it is! Ridiculous really!

I just wanted to say I know how easy it is to get stuck in a rut; I know how easy it is to fall into a pit of despond; I also know that no-one else will truly know how you feel physically, or emotionally, so no-one else can start to make those changes happen for you. I now know it’s never too late to learn, or to start a new adventure, or to be ready to flout convention and do something crazy like squashing yourselves into two rooms! We’re like two caterpillars cocooned ~ my husband and I ~ just waiting for the time for us to emerge as butterflies. Exciting times!

Happy Adventuring!

Patricia x

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