It would be more accurate to say that my Body takes naps throughout the night than to say that I have insomnia. But I have been quite an insomniac for more than a decade, having trouble both falling asleep and staying asleep throughout the night.

Needless to say, I have tried various treatments, all without permanent effects, as if the real cause of my insomnia is something that has yet to be identified and understood. In the meantime, I have developed a habit of inner observation that explores the inner operations of my body and mind.

Gradually, I am beginning to entertain the possibility that a deeper layer of my being is constantly emitting a chaotic and destabilizing vibration. The idea I am about to convey does not seem to exist in the Western world, at least not in the psychology and spirituality community that I have seen. So, I will import the idea from the Chinese world, from the Taiwanese spiritual healer Jian Xiang Ting who often reads this energy in her students:  燥 (Zao).

There is no English equivalent to her concept of Zao, not in the psychology community nor in the spiritual one. And Google Translate does not do justice to her intended meaning. The closest translation that I can think of is that of the Indian mystic Sadhguru’s idea of compulsion, which he only speaks of in passing without exploring it in great detail like Jian Xiang Ting.

A whirlwind of dark clouds

The way I experience Zao energetically is like a whirlwind of dark clouds, spinning at high speed. In truth, it does not move in any direction; its most dominant attribute is just a suction effect. You can think of it like a tornado. If you happen to be beside a tornado, you will most likely get sucked into it. Lose control. Lose yourself.   

That’s roughly the idea of compulsion. When you do something compulsively, it’s as if you have no control over yourself. Something takes over you.

Now, coming back to my topic of insomnia. I have no control over my insomnia. It would be odd to say that I am compulsively staying awake when I try to fall asleep, which is why I struggle linguistically to capture the energetics that are operating in the background. However, once I bypass the linguistically guided thought pattern to just tap into the energy that is keeping me very much awake and alert in the night, I come to this energy whirlwind.

Sometimes, it isn’t whirling so strongly in my energy field, like a low-intensity tornado. My attention is usually swept left and right, which manifests as constant thinking. My mind is unable to stay still for long. It needs to be engaged, which is like clinging to a lamppost to prevent myself from being blown off by the tornado.

My whirlwind isn’t just active at night, but is only more noticeable at a time when the body and mind are supposed to be calm and relaxed. So, when I sense the whirlwind gaining momentum and about to hijack my mind at night, I pull it out.

As a starting point, I sense a large, diffused cloud of energy in my body, like the lingering smoke of a forest fire. I energetically clear the cloud. Once I gain a bit of clearance, I zoom into the location that is still emitting the smoke while clearing along the way, although it would be more accurate to say that I am vacuuming instead of clearing. I get closer and closer to the sacral spine and sacral chakra. By now, the energy is more localized instead of diffused.

I continue to vacuum, getting closer and closer to the core of the vortex. Then I stop. My body loosens a bit, and I sink deeper into the mattress. A few seconds later, I feel an entire energetic scaffolding collapse within my body, which falls deeper still, not just physically into the mattress but also energetically into a space of peace and silence.

OK, now I can relax and fall asleep.  And I do.

. . .

Unable to focus

A few months ago, the Taiwanese healer guided us (I was one of her students) to a healing of the sacrum and coccyx. I put light into my tailbone for a few minutes. I first sensed heat, then an explosion coming from that area.

It was a difficult exercise to do, because I did not have the strength to stabilize my attention on the area, as the eruption had the effect of dispersing my attention. Nonetheless, I persisted for several days. A general result of the exercise was that, overall, I became more stable, focused and calm.

The inner observation regarding my insomnia that I am doing now requires a much higher degree of power and presence, so I can stay focused while zooming into the core of the vortex instead of being swept up by it. 

Have you had conversations where someone keeps digressing and cannot stay on point? That’s a demonstration of the effect of that person’s Zao, rendering her unable to focus. There are different energies embodied in the Zao. It can be lack, fear, invalidation or something more nuanced.

Zao can be lodged in different locations of the body, as well as in different physiological processes or functions. It can also be ingrained in one spot of the emotional bond between two people, or between an individual and an institution.

The origin of Zao is usually psychological or genetic inheritance. It is an energetic imprint we unknowingly carry that overpowers us.

Some schools of thought teach going straight to the Source, bypassing all our dramas and traumas, or a dis-identification from our thoughts and emotions, to operate from our authentic selves. But if our vortices are too strong, we become stuck in our dramas, unable to liberate ourselves from the compulsive force of our memories and imprints.

This is why I have to pull it out instead of circumventing it. I don’t need to pull out all the vortices in my body; rather, just enough for me to tap into the Source and live my life from there.

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image 1 Joe from Pixabay 2 image by Juraj Varga from Pixabay 3 image by 0fjd125gk87 from Pixabay 

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