“The harmful choices of one generation

 gets passed on to the next through

 influence.”

How do the choices you make affect your Children and grandchildren? I read the following from a woman about her family, “Everyone in my family for the past four generations has cheated — except for me and one cousin. (And I’m not sure about him.) My great-grandfather’s affairs were legendary, and I now own the mirror he bought my great-grandmother as an apology after one particularly public affair. My grandmother had affairs. My grandfather [did to], and used to take my father along to see his [lovers]. My father cheated with girls I went to high school with, and my sister has never had a relationship in which she hasn’t cheated. One cousin has been divorced four times, and is always engaged to the next one before the divorce is even filed.”(Image by Denise Husted from Pixabay)

How does this happen where the hurtful decisions of the parents are repeated by the children? We see this in a range of moral choices from divorce, sex outside of marriage, gambling, alcoholism, physical abuse and more. We see it in lifestyle choices like living in financial debt and maintaining an unhealthy life leading to obesity. We also see it in various attitudes and beliefs that are passed down to each generation.

The harmful choices of one generation gets passed on to the next through influence. It is written, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” (Proverbs 13:20) When children are young and impressionable, who are their biggest influencers? Family—parents, grandparents and siblings. And if those influencers are wise, what a blessing, but if dad and mom engage in foolish, reckless and immoral behavior in those early years, the children are likely to repeat the same things.

What is another word for bad moral choices? Sin. It is where we fall short of God’s perfect standard. Parents and children are all born with this inner corruption, which leads them toward rebelling against God’s ways. However, parents play a key role through influence. They can either lead their children away from God and deeper into a sinful lifestyle, or they can lead them toward God, and show how they can be free from the power of sin. How can a parent do this?

1)    Examine your life to see if there are areas where you have provided an ungodly example, and thereby influenced your children. 

2)    Be willing to stop and change your ways for the sake of yourself and your family.

3)    Turn toward Jesus by faith, and call upon Him with a desperate heart to change you.

4)    Through the power of God, be transformed and live the difference every day before your family.

5)    Teach your children and grandchildren the ways of God, that they would follow after them.

6)    Earnestly pray for them, that God’s Spirit would change their hearts, just like He did yours.

7)    Accept responsibility for how you influenced your children, but do not bear the guilt of their own independent choices.

8)    Step out of the way and let God work. Do not let your guilt from past choices cause you to be an enabler or rescuer of your children. Give them to God, and let them succeed or fail because of their own choices. The Scriptures say, “Let each one test his own work…For each will have to bear his own load.” (Galatians 6:4-5)

9)    Be patient and endure. It took time for you, and it will take time for them.

10) Be filled with optimism and hope. No matter how hard it is, how you are treated or how long it takes, believe that nothing is impossible with God.    

A prayer for you – Lord God, I pray that the cycle of harmful choices that have been passed down from parents to children for generations. Let the family tree be changed today! The death and resurrection of Jesus, shows us that change is possible and how nothing is to big for God. Come, Lord, change our own hearts as parents. Come, Lord, change our family! In Jesus’ name. Amen.