I increased my dose today to counteract the increasing angst that I was feeling and within a few minutes I was back to normal and able to focus again, this angst has been an ongoing problem for me the last few months. As I was unable to function and cope with the barrage of emotions that I was receiving and I now remember what it was like coping with schizophrenia. Thank Goodness for pharmaceutical assistance. As you can imagine having a mental illness is not fun and keeping the medication adjusted and in proportion is a juggling act that I could do without. I look at the last post that I had posted and I now realise that although I wasn’t feeling the effects of the illness my mind was a little cloudier than usual.
Now that being said I still felt that I lack the energy to do all the things that I want to and in amongst that I am attempting to support my parents through quite a difficult time. It is taxing for both my mother and myself, having to look after my sick father, however, every cloud has a silver lining, and that is that my dad is getting better albeit slowly. I am feeling that these posts are becoming more personal and I don’t know if anyone reading them is finding solace in my struggle, however, I find that it is helping me enormously analyse my life and the events that have led to me being here.
Now considering that I was a curious child I never let myself quash my curiosity and now what is done is done. It is all water under the bridge after all, and it wasn’t my fault that I became ill, and at this point I find that if I hadn’t become ill when I did things may have become a lot worse than what they were, or even have become. Here at the Midday Lantern we all have a struggle and each one is as individual and personal as they get. I feel that it is not an inability to commit but now rather a matter of procrastination, and where do I start. Juggling, Work, Greek lessons, home and family, you bet it’s difficult, and one has to do what one has to do.
I was hoping to make some profound statement today so I will have an attempt…
Who ever said that honesty is the best policy and the truth will set you free? Had no Idea of the concept of The Truth, those that speak honestly are always alone, why? Well because when we speak honestly we are attempting to capture truth. What we forget is that what is truth for you may not be truth for me what is truth for us may not be truth for them. So speak honestly speak your truth, and forgive those who disagree with you, because Truth is such a fluid concept it can never really be captured by words.
Thanks for reading and Happy Blogging.