Originally posted on April 4, 2022 @ 12:00 pm

Building self-esteem is important to me. This article highlights tips on how to build self-esteem. I also highlighted factors that influence self-esteem in a bid to look into the past and self evaluate. I had low self-confidence while growing up, and it took a lot for me to build my self-confidence. I shared my experience in the article. You can get a cup of coffee as you read along.

 Self confidence is a super power. Once you start to believe in yourself, magic starts happening.

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Self-esteem is defined as a person’s perception of themselves. It is how you feel about yourself: your abilities, strength and limitations. Everyone has a level of self-awareness, and this eventually influences the level of self-perception. A person can either have high self-esteem or low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is having a negative perception of yourself. Having low self-esteem has adverse effects, and it is very unhealthy.

High self-esteem is having positive and confident thoughts about you. It doesn’t mean being proud or overconfident; instead, It is about believing in your abilities and improving your shortcomings. People with high self-esteem tend to be loveable, and they tend to be successful in their chosen career path.

Our self-esteem is built over the years. There are so many factors that affect one ’s self-esteem. We are all a product of our experiences. The people around us at different stages in our lives have a lot to do with our overall turnout.

Five Factors that influence self-esteem

Low or high self-confidence is not automatic. It is a result of activities or relationships that have shaped our habits. To build self-esteem, we must be aware of the factors that affect self-esteem. This knowledge will help us evaluate our past and make active and positive decisions for the future.

• Parental upbringing
• Finances
• Medical history, Illness or disability
• Relationships
• Childhood experiences

Parental Upbringing

Every one of us has childhood experiences. Many of us are who we are due to some of the experiences we had with our parents. There are different parental styles, and this style has either a positive or a negative effect on a child. Children who grow in a loving home tend to have high self-esteem. They grow up loving themselves because they know someone loves them.

A child who grows in a family where fights and quarrel are the order of the day tend to have low self-esteem. The constant quarrel between parents makes some children feel less of them, and some eventually yield to peer pressure.

These children become adults, and those experiences tend to stay with them, except they meet someone along the way which teaches them to love themselves. Parental upbringing has an effect on self-esteem.

 Finances

Finance is an essential part of our lives. People tend to draw confidence from their ability to pay their bills. Many people have found themselves in toxic relationships because of their financial incapability. These kinds of relationships turn out to harm self-esteem.

Some people take jobs or do things that make their self-esteem to be degraded. Some other people see their low financial status as a way to improve their lives, creating more efforts and succeeding, which boosts self-confidence.

Medical history, Illness or disability

People who have illnesses or disabilities may have challenges building self-esteem. Thank God for the different non-governmental organisations working day and night to ensure people with diseases and disabilities are shown all the love and care they need.

Relationships

Relationships are in different ways: love, friendship, neighbours, etc. The kinds of people who surround us have an impact on our self-esteem. When we allow negative and toxic people around us, it affects our self-confidence. Some people never see anything good in other people. They are harmful, and this kind of energy is contagious.

People who surround themselves with positive and mutually beneficial relationships tend to have good self-confidence.

Childhood experiences

Parental upbringing is not the only childhood experience we have. Some people were victims of bullies while young. They had to face emotional turmoil every day, either in school or the neighbourhood. Some children were always talked down by families, teachers and guardians, negatively affecting their self-esteem.

Some were victims of molestation, which affects psychologically. Experiences during childhood have a lot of effects, and it either produces an adult with healthy self-esteem or one with low self-esteem.

We all react differently to situations.

Bible Verses about Body Image

Tips on How to build self-esteem

Building your self-esteem is not as easy as it seems. It takes dedication, time and patience. I can assure you that these tips on how to build self-esteem are efficient because I have used them to build my self-esteem. I am still a work in the process, though I’m trying to become better every day. Before starting this process, decide you want to give this a go.

• Go on a journey of self-discovery

Self-discovery is a way to become self-aware. It helps to understand who you are, your worth, and it induces self-confidence. A man who has discovered his own abilities doesn’t feel invaluable because he knows he is unique. I have a ten day self-discovery plan that can help you achieve this.

• Heal from past hurt.

We sometimes carry the pain of hurt from our past experiences and relationships into our future. This is an unhealthy habit that ruins self-confidence. When you heal from hurt, it helps to see positivity in life. Healing is like demolishing a faulty building, clearing the rubbles and starting a new building. Don’t be trapped in your past. Allow time to dry your tears and heal your heart.

• Choose your associations wisely.

The people around you are essential in your life. Surround yourself with positive people who encourage and believe in you. Positive energy is as contagious as negative energy. This doesn’t mean you should surround yourself with sycophants who won’t allow you to grow. Define your relationships and make sure you set boundaries too!

• Move on from toxic relationships.

Unhealthy relationships are not suitable for self-esteem. When you stay in a toxic relationship, it deprives you of your ability to grow. Separate yourself from every harmful association and counsel. No one deserves toxic people in their lives. You need to make a firm decision to break every toxic relationships and associations.

• Seek help, Speak up ,Self-love

It is essential to seek help from a certified mental health specialist or psychologist if you can’t do this alone. Receiving support is necessary, and we all need help at one point in our lives. Speak up for yourself, don’t allow yourself to be oppressed by anyone or anything. Show yourself some love, love yourself. A lady can decide to masturdate (taking yourself out on a date) to celebrate herself. Master the art of speaking positive things about yourself, and your future.

Bible Verses About Confidence and Self-esteem

Over the years, I have learnt to speak positive words in my life. I can assure you that the best way is to say what you believe. These verses are great positive affirmations that can boost your confidence and esteem. The effect of these affirmations is limitless.

“Because you are precious in My sight, You are honored and I love you, I will give other men in return for you and other peoples in exchange for your life.

Isiah 43: 4 Amplified Version

For You formed my innermost parts; You knit me [together] in my mother’s womb. ¹⁴ I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:13-14 Amplified Version

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 So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! ³⁶ Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.

Hebrews 10:35-36 NLT

And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.

Luke 12:7 NLT

“O my love, you are altogether beautiful and fair. There is no flaw nor blemish in you!

Songs of Solomon 4:7 Amplified Version

My Self Esteem Experience

To conclude this, I’ll narrate one of my many stories of building self-confidence. While growing up as a teenager, I didn’t like my slim body. I was very skinny and tall. I remember tearing some of my pictures at one time, funny right. This made it difficult for me to speak publicly.

Break from from body shaming using the tips here.

Whenever I stand to talk, I’ll feel like all eyes are on me, and I’ll be laughed at. After my dad died, I was moved to a public school because my mom couldn’t afford the fees. This further affected my self-esteem. In my new school, I made new friends who were book worms, and they were girls who had high self-esteem.

My new association helped me build my self-confidence, and many thanks to one of my teachers who saw my potential. I was added to the school’s debate and science team. I was opportune to represent the school in various debates and quiz competitions. Most of these outings were always successful, which helped me build positive self-esteem.

This can be you if you put in the effort.