When you grow up, or have lived the majority of your formative life in the Western world you internalize certains concepts that were developed under the Judeo-Christian influence. Forgiveness is one of them. In traditional Buddhist texts there isn't much mention (or any at all) of the concept. Even in the majority of the cultures traditionally associated with Buddhism, forgiveness is not a strong cultural concept. When Buddhism was introduced to the West it was presented a) as a non-religious school of philosophical thought, and b) as a school of thought that absorbed many of the concepts already deemed important to that culture.

I am not concerned with whether or not you think Buddhism is a religion of a philosophy. I follow the religious format so my thoughts are defined. What I am concerned with is the struggle that many have with trying to reconcile the Western imperative of forgiveness with the Eastern lack of imperative. It exists, it is just not given center stage. One of the best explanations of it put it as such. For the Buddhist forgiveness means the relationship ends, as you accept that due to whatever happened the relationship can never be reclaimed.

That does not mean that the person or institution is wiped from the face of the earth in the Buddhist's mind. It just gives clarity to the phrase, "that was then and this is now." The concept of shame and repenting are great in Buddhist scripture. One takes responsibility for one's actions, one is full of shame for them, one then repents by not doing those things again. As for repairing the harm done, or finding "closure" for yourself - that is something that is beyond your control. It is karma. Buddhas and boddhisattvas don't intervene because we ask them, they may intervene because they see to redress an obstruction. Basho dayani soha. Turn the dharma wheel. We suffer or are relieved through karma as is needed to turn the wheel.

Our actions can amplify karma. Karma has no negative or positive. It is being. To forgive is then to be. We ask no more and no less that in all our actions we contribute to the ability of the boddhisatvas to turn the dharma wheel. What merit we receive we transfer. Better if we must stay cycle after cycle to accumulate merit to transfer it to celestial beings to turn the wheel for the universe then to stop and proclaim one grain of sand in our latest mortal life for which all the universe must stop to redress so we feel better in the moment. If we know not what to do, we are in doubt - the state of confusion - and that is when we must calm ourselves and listen. Let go so we may meet new what is.