that’s a convo i would start or join in on…………

Today I am REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY struggling when I see ANYTHING that is not full. throttle. T R U T H.  So when it’s either a lie or a puzzle piece of the whole – I. Just. Can’t. Do. It.

I slept last night – far better than I have in days – perhaps weeks.

But I feel even more tired.

Just want to go Home.

GO.  Just want to G O.

That’s all.

EVERYTHING else now – E V E R Y T H I N G – a distraction.

Every day – I get through it – until I can get into this Captain’s Chair here in front of the laptop and look for clues and signs that Home is upon me.

I know not everyone resonates with that.  I know some cannot fathom the idea of a new body or leaving this place.  They want to stay here and rebuild.  And I know I have really pushed joining in together – rebuilding the New here now with others.  But when I am absolutely honest with me, while I may have brief moments of energy to DO just that NOW…..  Where I am now?  Overall?  As in most moments now?  I don’t have that energy in me anymore.  At all.  Not. Even. Close.  

And I have tried.  I have resisted it.

And……Oh how I have tried to convince myself of something different than what I have felt and known for my entire experience this time around.  I want. to. go. Home.

And even IF New were to be rebuilt HERE – I will need a whole restored ME in order to do that.  Not gonna pretend anymore.  This spiritual war with the invisible enemy has taken a life long toll on me.  Big. Time.

I lament a lot about moving.  The idea of packing a box – see above.  SAME FEEEEEEEEEEEEEL.  It would have to be ez and at this point – done for me.  I am in need of serious hand holding and E Z.

I want EZ.

T L C.

If I want to travel – I want to teleport or fly in my own craft.  I have travel issues and I saw clearly today how it isn’t about WHERE.  I can BE anyplace new – talk with people – no problem.  But GETTING to that new when it involves being jammed inside some damn crowded tube or on a stinky bus or confined space inside a car for hours or days?

AIN’T HAPPENING.

Nope.

Just N O P E.

At least not sober.  lolol

I drove around today alone – just drove.  And drove.  And drove.

I’ve pretty much seen it all here.

So many people out.

I felt more lonely than ever.

Could not tune in or feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel anything real.

Sometimes I would grimace – even close my eyes – look away for there are just some things I absolutely cannot.  look.  at. anymore.

I made chocolate tonight.  Been awhile since I did that.  I LOVE my chocolate.  I don’t even mind prepping it.  But the clean up?  UGH!  I began doing that – but stopped and said “fuch it” and left the measuring cups and spoons and pot in the sink.

Another “cannot. do. anymore.”  (and completely out of character for me as well)

Energetically.

As I said – in all pure honesty – most of the time now – my days are moments I get through until I can plant myself here – alone – without having to be responsible for or tend to anyone else or anything else – so I can look for clues that “Yes Victoria, you really are returning to where You belong and here are more markers for that.  KEEP GOING.”

Crazy?

Perhaps.

But it’s MY crazy.

On the menu for tonight after my captain chair fun – Back to the Future movie with my girl.  We both had a nudge to watch it this week – which I didn’t know she had until earlier tonight when she mentioned it to me.  We have been playing cards a lot lately (just like that KABOOM dream I had uh when was that – was that this year or last fall?!  lol) anyway……tonight before dinner she wanted to play again so we did.  Lots of diamond cards drawn by us tonight – and that 10 of diamonds is coming up a lot now.

Those of you for whom are my choir in which I “preach” to – those of you who GET IT – THANK YOU from the depths of my Heart and Soul!

Here’s what I’m seeing.

Love,

V.

******

Trending on twitter atm:

still on the outside of this place………….and this place is so toxic and poisoned now………we must get out and the ship. must. sink.

Fuching BRING IT ALREADY:

Can we trust them?

https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2023/04/breaking-texas-governor-greg-abbott-to-pardon-sgt-daniel-perry/

The Chinese military has completely encircled Taiwan. 71 Chinese military planes and nine ships crossed the Taiwan Strait median line. Taiwan is on high alert. https://t.co/yM3GmH4k1a

— @amuse (@amuse) April 9, 2023

looks like the actor to me………

BREAKING: UFC 287 crowd in Miami chants ‘USA, USA, USA’ after Trump makes surprise appearance pic.twitter.com/bwUPv7ksat

— Insider Paper (@TheInsiderPaper) April 9, 2023

the other side of the awakening…………real people struggling………..

JUST IN: Anheuser-Busch affiliate, whose primary sales is bud light says NO ONE IS BUYING THE PRODUCTS and when this happens he can’t feed his family..

“They DON’T KNOW their clientele… “Thanks, Anheuser-Busch.”

pic.twitter.com/xfgzla1e7Y

— Chuck Callesto (@ChuckCallesto) April 8, 2023

had the nuclear football the entire time – as he entered the timeline………which is why WWIII will never. be. on. the. returned. to. timeline………or whatever we are calling it now…………..

ok so i am seeing calendar stuff resetting and talk about new monies and digital currency crap while i am over here with there with the rest of you’s saying GET US OUT AND AWAY FROM ALL OF THAT!!!!  O M G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  sorry just not really seeing anything in which i align.  seeing info about real estate – most of the money moving in that area is due to cash only buys (LAND GRABS) by those who have been f’ing w/the entire market LONG ENOUGH.  WHEN IS IT OUR TIME??!!!! TO DO AND BE AND LIVE WELL??!!!

They now have a DeLorean SuperCar………..

ok my feel on this car?  NO THANK YOU.  that is “their” lure to get us to stick around and enjoy a virtual AI experience.  I’ll pass.  Moving on…………..

Israel strikes Syria ‘in response to’ new rocket attacks: Israeli army  – Insider Paper

This is a breaking news story.. check back for updates

https://insiderpaper.com/israel-strikes-syria-in-response-to-new-rocket-attacks-israeli-army/

BTW – the Bird is back on twitter.  dog is gone.  no answer either……….

this one was sent to me by a fellow traveller.  i resisted watching at first – but decided to give it a go.  happy i did.  really resonating with the words on subconscious and trauma.  i needed the validation/explanation.  it explains, for me, my emotional processing i’ve been undergoing in recent months – and what i have seen in others with whom i am closest to.  interesting commentary on the carrington event.  makes sense.  this is more than just a war on our DNA – it’s been a war for our consciousness.  our very Souls.  subconscious mind that operates outside of “time” remembers everything – so with each lifetime we don’t get out – this leaves behind trauma – which explains the huge sense of abandonment and bitterness many of us are feeling – esp. now (as we are awakening more – which awakening is not just about seeing where we are – it is more than just gaining new knowledge – it’s a very deep deep process – like coming out of a coma in a way??).  interesting many of us are so focused on releasing our trauma – working with the vagus nerve – but the subconscious mind also needs to be included – methods that bypass the conscious mind.  anyway – got chills with this one.  interesting choice of flowers too – and how they are closed up then open up.  the when we don’t know – but the why – i see – saving as many higher minds as possible.  interesting she talks about the party at the end – minutes before i decided to watch this i was vacuuming – then suddenly stopped and paused and said I am NOT going to get old here – i REFUSE to age – i am a youngster who just wants to party.  i’ve also been tuning in more naturally to remember my experience prior to the war – who i know outside and who i don’t remember.  anyway – enjoy.

Wave and Flash Update 4-8-23

Schumann (which btw has not updated for about 6 hours)……….

this one captured at 3:51pm PST:

this one captured at 9:27pm PST:

******