Thailand’s Most Horrifying and/or Humorous Headlines – October 2016

This month’s installment of News of the Weird is primarily focussed on the aftermath that has followed in the, err, wake of the recent passing of the King of Thailand, who died on October 13th. It’s been a sad time here in Thailand (as reported in my previous blog) and for a 30 day period Thais and visitors to Thailand have been asked to wear black, white, or subdued coloured clothing as a sign of respect. In addition, all live music events have been cancelled or postponed, and even bars featuring live music have put those acts on stand by until it is deemed OK that they return. In a way it’s been a bit of a relief, as Bangkok’s noise levels have gone down considerably, so I’m not at all complaining. However, there have been quite a few raids, closures, and excessive policing of various nefarious establishments here in the nation’s capital, and that doesn’t bode well for people who want Bangkok to keep its well-earned title of ‘Fun City’.

# 1 : Word on The Street

Every day the local news feeds on Facebook and elsewhere (even some mainstream publications) are awash with details concerning who’s open and who’s not when it comes to Bangkok’s late night entertainment scene. But the real story is that these details change pretty much night by night. So last week I went to Patpong—with a friend of mine in town visiting—to see just what was going on at ground zero. Our visit took place on Saturday, October 22nd, just over a week from the day that the King passed away. There certainly was a different vibe in the air, as almost all of the garish neon lighting was turned off and none of the live music bars had their nightly Filipino cover bands blasting out hits from the 70s, 80s and 90s. But business was still going strong behind closed doors. We had a look in on Thigh Bar which was pretty rockin’ and within seconds a girl was on each of our laps respectively asking us to buy them 250 THB “lady drinks” (about $7 US each). We just stuck to our 60 THB draft beers (about $2 each), and watched the gyrating Jezebels on stage, which meant the girls left our laps rather quickly. We also saw that things were going strong at Pink Panther (lots of lithe young cuties on stage in de rigeur BLACK bikinis, out of respect) and Electric Blue had dancers on stage as well. In fact, everybody except the still-no-new-owner Kiss was operating pretty much as per usual, with just a slight reduction in music volume.

We eventually went into Super Pussy, whose iconic neon street sign was turned off that night, however the famed “ping pong” show wasn’t yet underway, and the atmosphere in that place is depressing and toxic at the best of times. After leaving, the tout outside the door insisted we try another venue, where a show was “just about to begin”. He took us to Pussy Magic, a second story hole-in-the-wall which I’d never been into before. The cost was 300 THB per beer (about $9 US) which is steep but (we were told) it includes a stage show where girls shoot ping pong balls out of their pussies and into cups held by audience members. We also witnessed a pussy that could smoke a cigarette, a pussy that could write with a felt tip marker, and a pussy that could shoot darts through a narrow pipe and hit (and pop) balloons that were approximately 2o feet away. We joked that that gal was like a villain from a James Bond film with a super deadly killing technique. BTW although your overpriced beer supposedly includes the stage show, you are asked at every turn to “tip” these gals who perform, but it’s not mandatory (you’ll just have to put up with a lot of sneers and scowls). Another footnote: the girls with the “magic pussies” are all fairly old, fat, and/or haggard, so at all times there are younger and cuter girls on either side of the bar’s main stage who gyrate laconically and pantomime giving a blow job if you happen to make eye contact with them (there’s a room upstairs for that).

Speaking of blow jobs, we also took a peek into Kangaroo Club, which is a long-established blow job bar in Patpong. Inside there were more girls than customers—it was just us and them—and there was even a 42″ LCD flatscreen TV show hardcore fellatio porn videos, just in case you forgot what you came in for. There was maybe one good looking girl in the BJ crew that night, and beers here are about 130-60 THB ($4-5 US), which is more than we wanted to part with, so we left. And just in time, as all establishments were “officially” shutting their doors at midnight. We didn’t bother sticking around to see who was going to try and break this newly imposed anti-fun law, but I’m sure as time goes by more and more club owners will be seeing what they can get away with.

# 2 : Crazy House Ordered to “Stop The Insanity!”

Since I can’t be everywhere at all times, I rely on some of my fellow Bangkok booty bloggers to keep me in the loop. As reported on Stickboy’s website recently, Crazy House—the wildest bar in the Soi Cowboy neighbourhood—was closed down by army forces, no doubt cuz they are one of the only establishments in the area to show actual nudity. Word is, however, that the club has just been ordered closed and told not to reopen until November 1st. To make matters more creepy, when they reopen they will apparently need to change the name of the bar and follow the lead of other girly-bar venues in the area, meaning (I fear) no more naked chicks strolling blithely through the crowd or shaking their ass-ets away on the dance platform. It’s getting more bland here in Bangkok by the minute, and the spate of military-style crackdowns on anything resembling “fun” are quite troubling, to say the least.

# 3 : Da Drug Raid on Da Overstay

Although it’s a bit out of the realm of  this blog, the Da Overstay guesthouse has been a long-running overnight accommodation option here in town, attracting a VERY bohemian crowd—which translates in most senses to potheads and hippies (the owner reportedly once had a marijuana garden growing on the roof). The bar at the guesthouse also stages lots of live music events and DJ nights, however it is so far from the main downtown area that it’s a bit surprising that it came under attack recently from police forces who made a massive sweep of the establishment. The lawbreakers the police were after included anyone with pot, anyone testing positive for pot (yes, that means urine samples), and anyone with visa overstay issues. It’s all very sad, and documented in more detail here on the Khaosod English website.

# 4 : German People are Always the Weirdest

So what’s to become of Thailand? Well, if it loses it’s moniker of the ‘World’s Whorehouse’, then perhaps more German housewives will live to see another day. As reported by Bangkok Coconuts, a 53-year-old German sex tourist recently confessed in court to killing his wife of 10 years in order to go on a sex holiday in Pattaya with her “out of the way.” But do all of us have to suffer just cuz German people are weird? No, it shouldn’t be that way! But it’s looking like Thailand may one day be officially classified as ‘No Fun’.