Relationship Insecurity and the Deep Stuff

Insecurities can come about in any area of your life. If you’ve ever gotten a letter from the tax service or an unexpected bill that has a few zeroes in it, you know how much fear that can kick up. That small amount of sweat that pops out, the feeling of the blood rushing through your veins that you can actually hear, and the sensation that your heart is ready to deliver you at a dead sprint through whatever danger your body thinks you’re going through are some of the most visible symptoms of the fight or flight response.

The thing is in this day and age, it isn’t popular to talk about fear as a genuine thing. Nowadays, people throw around words like anxiety, stress, and worry as if they were actual states in themselves. But then, the thing is they aren’t. They just happen when a person lives in a state of fear, hour after hour, and sometimes, for years on end. This can be a significant part of relationships, especially if you feel like a fraud or unworthy in some way.

Impostor Syndrome

There’s a term in the sales world called “fake it til you make it,” and this applies vividly to most people’s lives. In the beginning, you may have to put on some bluster to make it seem as if you know what you’re doing. In this way, many people get into a place, and begin to get the experience that will be necessary to really succeed. Almost everyone is terrible at their job at first, but they can become amazing after a while. No employer wants to hear this. In the same way, everyone is terrible at their relationships early on, because they don’t know what to do or what they can offer to their partner.

The problem comes when a person legitimately has the skills and temperament to be amazing, but they still consider themselves to be a helpless novice. This is called impostor syndrome, because the person figures that they are a complete fraud, and that they are hiding their lack of ability and knowledge to get something they haven’t earned. When it’s really bad, they may feel as if they could never earn it, as if it’s something they simply would never deserve. This is really deep Insecurity, and not always easy to overcome.

Beating That Insecurity

Beating insecurity is very difficult, as it’s essentially fighting programming you’ve carried around for decades. When you go read omgkinky stories and learn more about things like intimacy and how to relate to your romantic partner, you’ll notice that there are a lot of things built in to your insecurities that need to be overcome bit by bit. The best way to do this is to be honest from the start. If you’re afraid that you have nothing to offer, the likelihood is that you need to reflect, a lot.

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