Corinthians 13

"And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing. ...Love suffereth long, and is kind; it envieth not; it vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Love never fails: but where there be prophecies, they shall fail; where there be tongues, they shall cease; where there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. ...When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. And now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."

when i was a child i spoke as an adult, i lived as an adult, i worked as an adult and now that i am an adult i speak as a child, think in both languages but i am more child than i like to admit. i mean sure i am responsible. i take care of another living being and hold down the fort pretty well. But i live as a child. in the beautiful sense and the reckless one. i can love innocently and commit to you for life with no regrets if you are up to the task to do the same for me. and i am a reckless child in thinking that there are no consequences to crossing the street without looking.

i would like to start to put away some of the childish things that i don't need. the self desructive behavior of chasing after speeding vehicles heading no place and the drama of pointless dynamics. i am beginning to sink my teeth into the flesh of life. something true. someone flesh and blood and beautiful.

have you ever been touched by someone who has no agenda and doesn't think through every act? someone clean. like they aren't acting. clean like you don't have to go through their history of pornography to get a kiss. have you ever been touched by someone who touched your hair like a creator and holds your face like an artist? have you made love to someone who isn't afraid of your body? who takes care of you before taking from you? have you ever been with someone who never takes what you don't give them and shares everything they can with you? someone natural in their body that they are natural with yours. clean. in their head. in their touch. clean with nothing to perform. clean with no grade to live up to or put you through? someone who can stay in bed with you for over 24 hours and just undress your mind, your mind over and over. someone who makes a jaded woman who knows everyone who enters her space and counts the minutes they stay and promises never to marry...want him want him to sleep their at night and wake up with her in the morning...makes a woman reconsider all those pretty life events she swore to never do again. someone who you can respect, that you can be proud of for his strong convictions and his complete tolerance of your differences. never shaming you and never receiving scorn from you. have you ever loved someone without Hollywood romance...have you just been humbled by someone's goodness, their kindness, their sincerity, their health in their heart and head...have you simply prayed to know them...to be there in the light of their smile their eyes...for the peace...for the nights at home eating dinner...the tenderness...the questions...the advice...the presence...for the way he holds your hand...touches your hair...the way he makes love to you...for the peace...this peace.

i don't want anything else. this peace. this acceptance. this calm. if i ate this meal for the rest of my long life...i would thank g-d that it was more than i dreamed of. i dreamed of a hot thug on a bad boy horse when i was a child and spoke as a child and understood as a child, and thought as a child but I am a woman now and I want a man on no horse or image. A man of love. that after we have gone and our language has deceased our love will not have vanished away. it lived and lives still. pray for us that we stay unafraid and wise, bless us. send us your blessings. let g-d hear it.