I feel like a huge dope. Last week I ran the Dept boat aground. It damaged the propeller, which now needs to be replaced and there may be some other damage as well. I am an inexperienced boater, having only driven this boat once before with my advisor. This time I was with a recently Graduated Phd of my advisors'. This guy said to me: "Go between the bouys not around."

Boom. Into the rocks.

I emailed my prof who is also dept chair & experienced boater, and copied said PhD student and another student who is generally in charge of the boat situation. My prof was fine - didn't get angry with me but graduated PhD student never stepped up and said it was his decision that caused the accident. And I'm not sure if I should expect him to do so or if I should call him on it. No one is blaming me for this accident. Still, it happened on my watch. I shouldn't have listened to him. When he said go through the bouys I knew in the back of my brain not to listen to him but I bowed to his decision anyway. He's more experienced, he should know better than me.

I feel a bit like I'm in a black hole. I'm new to this dept and I'm feeling like I need some guidance but I'm working with a lot of men and when I ask for direction on how to do things (ie, clean equipment properly...) they just do it for me instead of showing me how to do it. Or they just boss me around in a paternalistic way. I'm afraid they see me as a 'stupid woman'.

I am a small female & look up to ten years younger than my age by the way. I have often received coddling/dismissive treatment by my professional peers. Then the PP show up and that feeds into this paternalistic treatment because I'll play nice and put up with the coddling. Consequently, I end up seeming more ineffective.

A few friends have told me that I need to get a woman on my committee. Right now I have three men. All great people, mind you. And there is a sad lack of female faculty here...

How do I banish the Phony Police and put on a confident face even though I have no idea what I'm doing?!!