Yesterday, I experienced an adrenaline surge of terror after opening my electricity bill from good ol' ConEd (a name that I always mistake as spelling out "Cone head" for reasons I didn't quite understand, until now).

It turns out that, despite the fact that I don't have a television, stereo, air conditioner, christmas tree, stove, toaster oven, aquarium, halogen "grow-lites", clock radio or electric heat or any other appliances with a healthy appetite for electricity (save for my microwave, laptop, cell phone, refrigerator and a couple lights), someone living in my apartment somehow managed to consume nearly $800 of electricity last month (I suspect the birds did it; they've been acting strange recently). Before this, my power bills have always been between $12-50 in NYC.

Of course, in keeping with Murphy's Laws, I opened this bill after business hours, so I have all weekend to think about it. Considering that I am unemployed yet again with no income-producing possibilities in sight, and this bill is nearly as much as I pay for renting my humble abode, it is probably easy to imagine that I am currently experiencing a sharp increase in stress hormones. I just hope I don't end up with brain damage before the weekend is over.




tags: NYCLife