We had a clergy gathering yesterday and spent time talking about the ups and downs of doing ministry these days. It's a hard time. I shared these thoughts. Thoughts inspired by Greta Gerwig and America Ferrera of the Barbie Movie. Truth is, I'm certain that these thoughts or ones very similar could be said of most vocations these days. But being Ordained is what I know best.

"Clergy Monologue"

It is almost impossible to be clergy these days. You are so caring, and so smart, and it kills me that so many of us do not think we are good enough. Like, always we have to be extraordinary, but somehow, we're always doing it wrong.

We have to be prayerful, but not too prayerful, because that’s no fun in social situations. And you can never say you have doubts, because if you have doubts, why are you ordained, and who is going to cover for everyone else and their doubts, if we have doubts?

You have to be approachable, but not too vulnerable. So go ahead and be a wounded healer, but for heaven’s sake don’t bleed on everybody. You have to run a business, powered mostly by volunteers. You need expectations and boundaries, but you have to be pastoral first and foremost and so if someone can’t get something done, you have to understand. And perhaps take your day off and do it yourself.

You have to be spiritual, and ask people for money, but maybe you shouldn’t know how much people give, because then you might like someone more than another. But you know who has cancer and who is in an untenable marriage, and whose child is about to come out, and you can’t tell anyone, and when that person who is crushed with burdens at home, is peeved with you at church, you have to sit by, saying little and loving much.

You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a priest or a deacon, but don't talk about God all the time. You have to be special, but always one with the people.

You have to answer for other clergy’s bad behavior, bishops, priests, deacons alike, but if you point out its not the majority, then it looks like you are making excuses, or if you call people out: like bishops, priests or deacons, the system isn’t necessarily set up to reward your honesty with love.

And friends, because you are ordained forget about being rude, showing off, falling down, failing, or feeling despair, and for God’s sake don’t get out of line.

It's too hard! It's contradictory and there aren’t many medals, too few “Thank Yous” and you work weekends!

It’s hard, and I’m tired of watching you tie yourselves into knots, so that people will like you.

I understand.

I don’t usually wear pink and I haven’t always worn purple, most of my life it’s been black… and I get it.

And I bet you do too.

This is hard and we are more than caricatures.

We are more than someone’s projections.

And we are no less than beloved children of God, called and ordained.

Once upon a time each of us had an experience of being beloved by the divine and knew that we wanted to do this with our whole lives. It came to us, that more than anything, we wanted to be ordained, to serve God in the institutional church. And it sucks, and it’s amazing, and we cannot figure out which one it is right now.

I can think of only two ways around this. The first is to get down on our knees daily and pray, so that we can embody the faithfulness of Jesus Christ and live out our ordination vows.

The second is for us to be in this together. Us. You, me. All of us. Together. Because we cannot do this alone. We need people who speak our language and share our intimate desires to encounter the Holy.

We cannot lead in this fragile, frail, flawed institution that is The Episcopal Church. 

We cannot do this alone. We need Jesus. We need Jesus to fill our souls. And we need each other, to keep us sane, keep us grounded, enable us to move forward.

And we don’t do this alone. We do it together. With God, with God’s son.

I am in awe that we get to do this together.

It's a hard time to be a clergy person, a medical professional, an educator, a contractor, a first responder, a mother, daughter, father, son, and the list goes on. It's a hard time in which we are living. My beliefs for what will keep our clergy strong are the same beliefs I share for all of us. We cannot do this, alone. We need God. We need each other.

Copyright Bonnie A. Perry September 2023