My first appearance in a family photo, 1985.

At almost 17, my dad allowed me to choose between marriage and education. With my twin sister Mary, I had been repeating Standard 8 class already and some of my older classmates graduated into marriages by my third attempt. This was in the late 80s in Rumphi District, northern Malawi.

From the age of 13, during the long School break (August and September), I could do some piece works for money. But this particular year I did the piece work where my dad had already been working. I was to be there for about two months subject to when the end of primary school exam results would come.

Inspired by her good character and beauty, I admired her. So we started a relationship - yes with no clear path ahead. I did not know how old she was though! We were cheered on by a few others around - endorsing us as a right combination. Dad approved my interest in her. Being well-mannered as she was, he was convinced that she would make a great daughter-in-law. He even promised to meet my bridal price (malowolo) obligations if I so decided to go for her in marriage. He, however, told me that I had the choice between this girl and education, adding that he could go with either of my decision but certainly not both. After repeating standard 8 thrice, the challenge was well understood and appropriate.

So before me now was a tough choice that I had to make. I loved this girl and she was impressive. But now I had to decide between education and marriage. Education represented a sense of success and pride. Marriage represented a feeling of security and pleasure. Faced with that challenge from my dad, I opted for school, hence, I painfully parted ways with her. Almost two decades later, I still vividly remember the struggle I had to let go. I appreciated her understanding of my decision. I had clearly stated to her that while I found no fault with her, I chose to pursue education as the best option at the time.

In many respects, I grew up as a responsible and hardworking boy. I read using a paraffin-lamp commonly called Koloboyi. Occasionally, I even had to read in moonlight especially when we ran out of paraffin for the koloboyi that we could only buy 32 km away.

I had my first pair of shoes at age 15. With my young brother, we molded bricks and built a one-bedroom house (I was 16). I bought my first pair of trousers at age 17. The normal family routine was waking up very early first to go and take care of the family garden and then get ready for school. 

 Y

es, listening to the Nzeru radio was entertainment and a great accompaniment to the garden. In those days, there was only one radio station being the Malawi Broadcasting Corporation, no mobile phones and only one newspaper (The Daily Times). I made the first phone call from a booth when I was almost 19.

Sometimes I think that dad was simply putting me to the test! But when I recall the resolve with which he handled it, he gave a strong impression to make me believe that he meant it. He had tested me also one time to take mutu of Kachasu alcohol (one of Malawi’s hottest/strongest spirit). This was on one Saturday afternoon as we were coming from our farm very tired and thirsty.   He asked that we branch to a home where Kachasu was always brewed. He asked the brewery lady to give me a tort. When I resisted the offer, dad sternly warned me against refusing saying that as my father, he knew what was good for my life. I took some but could not finish the whole tort. I never tasted it again. And later he told me that he very was happy that I had learnt my lesson.

My green trousers!

While our family grew up in poverty and financial struggles, I liked dad's resolve to ensure that he still provided for school fees. My older sister had been at Livingstonia Secondary School in Rumphi District, and she was a great inspiration tothe family. She was in fact the first in my family and her village community of girls to make it to Secondary school. So days before my sister could go back to school after holidays, dad asked me and my two sisters to carry a total of four tins of beans (I didn't know the weight) and take them to Phwezi Boys Secondary School. With dad himself leading the way, we walked for about 3 hours through the Mzungutwa Hill of Rumphi. We sold a tin at 15 Kwacha and hence we received 60 Kwacha which was the exact amount of school fees that my sister needed to get back to school. Our basic meal (both breakfast and lunch) on that return trip, was the fresh cooked maize and some wild fruits in season. This was in 1987.

Finally, in October 1989, I was selected to Rumphi Secondary School - an achievement that came after four years in Standard 8. As mentioned above, I was a good and hard-working student but selection to secondary school in northern Malawi was very competitive especially in those days. There were only two of us who were selected to secondary school that year from Mphompha Full Primary School.

With the excitement of being finally selected, I did not feel the pain of walking the 32 kilometers from Mphompha to Rumphi Boma. I could not believe that at last I was walking into my desired education path. I had bought a traveling bag at 49 Kwacha 50 Tambala using the salary made from my piece work during the school break. This bag carried among other things, my two pairs of trousers. One of which was a gift from my dad - it was his forestry green uniform. My groceries in the bag included a tablet of Lifebuoy soap, a bottle of body lotion and roasted maize.  I never had access to regular toothpaste until when I was in Form 3. I liked short trousers to compliment long ones. Throughout most of my secondary school life, I had to borrow clothes whenever we went outside our school campus especially for visits to other schools. I was among the top ten in my class, and I maintained my Top of the Class representation in the MBC Quiz Competitions from Forms 1 to 4.

While in early primary school, my ambition was to work in radio but this was disturbed around 1988 by a family incident which built up rage in me. An uncle had mysteriously disappeared during the period of dictatorship. He had been an economist for the Government of Malawi at Capital Hill

The house we built (I was 16).

in Lilongwe. I, therefore, developed bitterness against the ruling regime of the time.  My vengeful education drive was fully endorsed by my parents and grandfather. So I worked hard in Standard 8 so that I could get selected to Secondary school and eventually to University of Malawi for Social Science which was to lead me to become another economist. But my goal was “kuti adzaone (so that they see) that another of the same blood has come."

So in October 1993 when I was selected to the University of Malawi, it was social science studies that I opted for rather than courses that focused on communications. I felt high as I walked to Chancellor College (from Zomba Bus Depot (about 3km away) carrying my bag which had three trousers, a jacket that dad had recommended me to buy and a few other items. A new life started here.

In 1995, as I was doing my second year at university, I was faced with my identity crisis. I had to seriously deal with several questions about my life and choices including the following: Why did I take the economics class? What was the purpose of my life? Why did I belong to the church I went to?   Why did I belong to the tribe I grew up in? Who would I marry?

By this time, several things in my life had also changed. I had received Christian discipleship lessons for five years and was part of senior leadership for the Christian movements on campus, known as the Student Christian Organization of Malawi (SCOM). Having learnt about forgiveness, I had to reflect deeply over why I was pursuing certain things including my economic studies. My view of the world was also getting bigger. The political landscape had also changed from the oppressive dictatorship that had my uncle disappear, to multi-party politics. I, therefore, needed to deal with my bitterness. So I did not graduate as an economist.

I have decided to share this life-story simply to encourage someone to be determined. A lot has happened since these foundational years including being a husband to Thembi and father to four, a holder of some post-graduate qualifications, being a key media practitioner in Malawi and author of three books. I also believe that in sharing such life-stories, I am not only being vulnerable but also accountable to others who have helped me on this journey.

As I look back at my life as a whole, including my educational path, I see God’s Grace! It was God’s unmerited favor that saved me from the early marriage temptation, to escape material poverty and bitterness, and find my identity and wholeness in God. To God be the glory!!