It's been weeks now that I'm like this - low-spirited, bored, unable to work properly. It's as if I just want to lock myself inside my room. I do feel like that's the only way that could make me feel better now. Or, if I could go back to my province and stay there for a while, that would be awesome!

But, I can't. I have bills to pay. I'm already in my 30's and I can't just leave everything without thinking of the consequences. I'm immature, yes, but I can't use that as an excuse. I can't stay that way forever. I have to work even if I don't really want to anymore. I have to force myself again to get up every single day and make myself realize that I have to be strong.

Why am I like this? Why can't I be normal? Why do I think negatively so much? Why can't I be a happy person? I'm trying. I really do. But, I'm just not wired to be one.

Lord,

I don't know if You noticed a pattern or what but I feel like I'm in a circle. I always go back to this state. I always feel this. Why?

Help me understand Your plans. How will this help me grow? How can I be a better person after this storm?

I'll be sleeping again with a heavy heart still hoping that tomorrow will bring me the sunshine that I've been waiting.

Amen.