It seems like my life is in chaos, again. I don't know when did it start to happen. I just suddenly realize that things are starting to get out of control.

It probably started when I started committing myself to a lot of things that I did not calculate if I can even have a time for myself. When opportunities came knocking at my door, I let them all in. Now, I'm overwhelmed. Now, they're all exhausting me.

I think my brain is not functioning the way it should be. Recently, I've made decisions that I'm regretting now. Why did I even do them? What was I thinking?

But this is what it is. I have to face this life as it is now.

I want to escape by going abroad. Yes, I'm a coward. I'm always a coward.

But if I want to grow up and act like an adult, I should face this life now. I just can't leave everything behind and start a new life. I can do this. I can really get out of this mess.
Lord,

Is this part of your test? Are you trying to challenge me if I deserve all these great things that you have given me? 

I'm having a hard time, Lord. I can't keep up with the demands and pressure of this new life.

But I know I can't quit because I still believe that I'm better than the man I used to be. I won't quit. 

Lord, enlighten me. Day by day, I'm losing my vision of the life that I'm always dreaming of. I know that this journey is going to be hard. But with you by my side, I can win this over. 

Lord, give me the strength to face all these struggles. I can't do this alone. And so I'm counting on you.

Amen.