No, I’m not trying to sell you religion, so if you’re not a believer, you can relax and enjoy this message; but the fact of the matter is that no matter who you are, Christian or non-Christian, we all abide by the same rules and we’re all on the same boat, so at the end of the day, the answers are there for all to hear.
Does a Happy Marriage have a recipe?
I’ve always asked myself if there is a real recipe for having a happy marriage, but looking around me, I see that this is something very hard to find. As you would probably know, in the United States alone, more than 50% of couples that get married end up in divorce in the first few years, and you can’t help wondering, what happens to the rest?
I’ll tell you what happens to the rest; many of them are unhappy, but are staying together because of the children, or because of the finances; some, are together because they just have nowhere else to go, or because they are concerned about what would people say if they get divorced.
The root of the problem is that we are born with an evil nature that always tries to destroy our relationships. Think about when you were a child, the last thing in your mind was to obey your parents, you struggled to get along with your brothers or sisters, and as you grew older, you slowly changed your behavior, but the fact of the matter is that the “evil nature” still present in you, and this can only mean one thing; that same evil nature is now present in your spouse.
I hope that you’re beginning to get the picture, but if not, let me ask you a question: Why then you keep arguing with your
What is the purpose of marriage?
Most people still don’t understand what the purpose of a happy marriage is, and that’s part of the problem. We wake up in the morning and we go to bed at night feeling empty inside because we simply don’t feel happy; there’s no purpose in our marriage. And this is because we don’t get it; why do people get married to begin with?
I will talk more about this in another article, but for now, let me tell you that the reason as to why you are now married is the same reason as to why you have sex. Yeah! You heard me right! But there is a catch there. God designed us that way, so we can procreate and as a “reward” enjoy ourselves and be happy. And this is when the first ingredient in our recipe comes to play a major role… LOVE!
The love between Husband and wife
Did you know that the love between a husband and a wife is what distinguish us from the animal world? I cannot speak for
But, what do I mean by “love”, is
The self-gratification is just a result of the love that we give, but we got it all backwards, we think that the joy that we feel is the actual love, don’t we? And you want to know why we think that way? Because we’re selfish creatures. We want, we want! Give me, give me! Make me feel good! Our greatest desire is to stay in that “feel good” state, and we expect our spouses to provide that great feeling if not, we won’t give our “love” back to them, isn’t it?
Making a marriage work is not an easy task when we don’t understand the real meaning of love, and this is the main ingredient in our recipe, so we better pay attention. Unlike animals that only expect rewards out of being together with their mates, we humans, have been created in the image of God, and therefore, we need to understand that the love between husband and wife is like the love between the Lord and us, the creation!
If that’s the case, let’s take a look at the kind of love that God has for us, and I know that you read the following scripture many times, but I ask you today to read it with your full understanding and keeping your spouse in mind as if she or he was your creation, “your world.”
“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth
John 3:16
Are you beginning to get the picture? The key phrases here are: “For God SO LOVED the word” and then, it says: “That he GAVE his ONLYbegotten Son” Of course we all know that his son was Jesus Christ, but this doesn’t mean that God had a wife and they had a child; this thing are written in a metaphorical way so we can understand the magnitude of his love for the word.
I am a father of a beautiful daughter, she is my only child and the joy of my life, and if you are a parent, you will understand this feeling; it is inconceivable; it’s difficult for us to comprehend the magnitude of the love of God… how could you do that? How can you give your only child to be sacrificed?
Think about it for a second! Would you do it? Would you let your only child, that you love so much, be taken to be killed for the love that you have? Now, the question is: Is that the type of love that you have for your wife? Is that how much you love your husband? Can you even answer that question? Can you? Let me talk to the men for a little wild!
How a husband should treat his wife
How a husband should treat his wife is a main ingredient in our recipe, so I will now talk to the men, but ladies, don’t go away, I will pick on you in a minute, for now, just read and meditate on these things that I’m about to say. The reason as to why I’d like to direct this part of my message to the men is because I truly believe in my heart that it is us (men) that make or break a relationship. Usually, the women will follow, because we are supposed to lead the way, and if a woman is being treated like a princess, she will stand by your side no matter what… isn’t it ladies?
Now, this doesn’t mean that women are not guilty, and that they sometimes cause the men to grow cold in the relationship, but will talk about that some other time, if you stick around and follow our articles, I will write more about this matter. For now, let me tell you that in my 46 years living on this earth, I am old enough to know that it is us who need to change.
Now, don’t get mad at me (Men) for telling you these things, but this is the same reason as to why the Lord Jesus Christ chose 12 men to be his disciples, not only because we are supposed to lead, but because we are the ones that need to learn to be humble and leave our pride behind. The message of the Gospel was very clear, “deny yourself.” These are deep words my beloved brother!
But don’t take my word for it, let’s take a look at the example that the Lord gave us:
“After that he poureth bason
Peter saith unto him, Thou shalt never wash my feet. Jesus answered him, if I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me. Simon Peter saith unto him, Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head. Jesus saith ye
So after he had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you? Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example that
John 13:5-15
Now, Jesus was the Master, and this could be compared to the head of a household, that means us, men. He taught his disciples the way that they were supposed to behave, and keep in mind that his disciples were husbands, and to them he said: “For I have given you an example that ye should do as I have done to you.”
You’re supposed to treat your wife like a Princess, and be humble before her, you’re supposed to do everything possible to keep her happy and, as the Lord did, go down on your knees and make her feel special. Some of you might not like what I’m saying, and I probably lost some of you by now, but I’m going to tell you the way it is.
It’s nice to be popular and have a lot of readers, but is telling the truth will cause me to lose popularity, so be it! But I must say to you that if you follow this “secrets to a happy marriage” you will be rewarded because that is a fundamental law of God. Everything that you do will come back to you and if you treat your wife like a Princess, in return, she will treat you like a King.
I’m telling you all these things for a reason, one day I was a married man, and I didn’t know that it could end in the blink of an eye. One Sunday afternoon, she left, and there was nothing that I could do about it. She was in my arms, and in a split second she was gone. I could not tell her how much I loved her, I didn’t get a chance to even say goodbye. Without a warning, she went to be with the Lord.
Communication between husband and wife
We've already talked about love, and there’s no doubt about it, love is the main ingredient and the second one is the Communication between a husband and a wife, so ladies, remember that I told you that I would pick on you? Well, your turn has come, so men, take a deep breath and relax.
The lock of communication is one of the biggest problems in any relationship; any businessmen would tell you that a big part of their success is the communication skills that they apply in their organization, and there is no difference in a marriage. The problem with many women is that they EXPECT something from their husbands, while he’s not even aware of her desires.
As you might’ve noticed, I placed the word “EXPECT” in uppercase, because that’s the keyword
Just so you can understand this concept, let’s do a thought experiment, picture you and your spouse dancing together, but you are dancing Soft Rock while your spouse is dancing Tango, what do you think that would happen? That’s exactly what happens in your marriage, you are dancing in one place while your spouse is going all over the room.
Unfortunately, that’s our nature, and we cannot change it. People have tried since the beginning of times, but nobody has been successful yet. Men will always be men, and women will always be women, and you need to get that into your head. Trying to change your spouse is like trying to teach a dog how to talk, it would be impossible because his nature is to bark, not to talk.
So let your spouse continue to dance Tango because that’s her nature, he, or she doesn’t know any better. What you need to do is to communicate and let your spouse know what your moves are in order to understand each other. Women are terrible at communicating, because they EXPECT their husband to know what they want.
They buy a nice perfume and wear it thinking that the husband is going to tell them how nice they smell and give her a nice loving hug, but the fact of the matter is that men are practical, we don’t care about those little details in life; we learn how to be detail-oriented, but it’s not necessarily in our nature.
If you don’t believe me, let me ask you a question, when was the last time that you entered into a bachelor's apartment and saw flowers
So, the key to communication is not to EXPECT that your spouse is going to be like you, and therefore, you will communicate and let him, or her know what you want, you’ve got to let your spouse know what you’re doing, so you can both dance Tango, and Cha-cha-cha, whatever it is that you want them to dance with you. So learn how to communicate with your spouse and you will see changes in your life.
Respect in a marriage relationship
Well, let’s understand something, a marriage is just like any other relationship and it deserves respect; or, do you go around, disrespecting your boss or your co-workers, and everybody that you have some kind of relationship with? It doesn’t work that way, does it? Respect is vital for a marriage survival, and if you’ve lost it in your marriage, you’ll need to go back to square one.
The general misconception is that you need to be tough in order to get respect, and that’s not the case. When you try to impose something it backfires on you, so the best way to gain back the respect begins by communicating with each other, and you both will have to agree that you´ll need to start all over again.
Once that you’ve accepted this notion, you’ll need to forgive each other and understand that you’re going to give it another try. Now, it’s time to shut up; that’s right! If you want the respect to be restored, you’ll both need to “keep it zipped”. Every time that you have a disagreement on anything, don’t worry, you will not change your spouse, believe me, so just go for a walk and relax. Keep in mind that both of you will need to do this and give it time in order for the respect to come back to your marriage.
Can a marriage survive without trust?
Now, let me ask you a question, do you think that a marriage, or any other kind of relationship, can survive without trust? Well, you know the answer to that, so “trust” is another main ingredient for a happy and prosperous marriage, the problem when it comes to the "trust" between husband and wife is similar to the problem when it comes to the “respect”. Basically, trust and respect go together, but the difference is that the trust is lost when there have been many lies.
If you don’t trust each other is because there have been many broken promises, there have been hidden things in the marriage, and now you both need to repent, no matter who was the deceiver, you are both one body, one person, so you’ll need to come together and ask for forgiveness, repent, and renew your vows, and that will bring us to our next and final ingredient.
