Some say what matters is what’s in your heart. I couldn’t agree more. In regards to the heart, it is my experience that we very easily confuse or substitute Love for feelings, desires, and good intentions. So in this two-part post, I’d like to take a look at what’s in a heart in an effort to weigh our motives.

A Slice of Real Life

Take a man, let’s call him Jake. Jake’s live-in girlfriend, let’s call her Carrie, says he has a sweet, boyish side at times but that he yells a lot. Jake openly and sternly professes his undying love for Carrie. When he talks about her, even though he makes sure to mention how he thinks she’s an air head and disobedient, he fiercely affirms he loves her. But Jake is always angry, always looking for control and rarely finding it. When he can’t find the control he needs so desperately, he searches for it by screaming at Carrie. That doesn’t work too well. Not well enough, anyway. So Jake tries beating it out of Carrie with his fists. Of course Jake always feels bad about it afterwards. He doesn’t actually change his behavior, though. He tries to do something nice… a kind gesture, something he would call romantic. Carrie calls that his sweet side, even though the gesture ends up being self-serving. Jake thinks to himself that he shouldn’t do what he does. But in reality, it’s not such a big deal because what matters is what’s in his heart.

Hopefully, you and I can agree that Jake does not love Carrie. A man who – by definition – loves a woman does not scream at her and beat her. So what is it in Jake that he feels outweighs his actions? I’ve heard it from real-life broken, wounded Jakes that how they feel is most important. We don’t have to be theologians or psychiatrists to understand Jake’s point of view is called selfishness. Whether Jake desires to be a good man while referring to that desire as his feelings or his insecurities drive him to have such control that he forces a dynamic in which he feels superior to, safe with, and therefore attracted to Carrie, we can only guess. Regardless, Jake does not love Carrie. He abuses Carrie. Love, like abuse, is an action – not a feeling.

Do You Understand How I Feel?

Imagine our hero, caught behind enemy lines and imprisoned. His heroine, who still waits for him, never leaving her phones unattended and can somehow sense he’s still alive, believes he’ll return against all odds. It takes him more than two years to claw away a tunnel to escape. With every pile of dirt he smuggles out, he whispers, “Evey, I’m coming home.” 2 years, 7 months, and 12 days later, our heroine, Eve, is standing by the runway as our hero’s rescue mission finally comes to its long, dangerous end. Frail and smiling, he emerges through the cabin door. He shuffles down the rolling steps as quickly as his feeble legs will allow as she dashes toward that very moment in time for which she had been waiting, praying, and weeping over. Upon reaching her, he staggers to his knees and embraces her. Even the manly men choke up at that scene. Through tears of relieved hopelessness, then fresh memories of torture and hunger, renewed anguish – he can only mutter those precious, six little words, “I feel like I love you.”

Pardon the sarcasm but I want to show the nature of feeling in contrast to love. We have a childish tendency to place our feelings above all else, even our actions. Of course, how we feel may be strong, even overwhelming. As a teenager, it was easy for me to refer to what I felt as love. The problem with that belief is that love is not a feeling. Love is not an emotion. I believe immaturity and ignorance (lack of knowledge or experience) are key factors that lead one to reduce the consistent self-sacrifice and long-suffering devotion inherent in love to a mere feeling. So then, if I sin and then feel bad about my sin afterwards, should I consider my feelings as having more weight than my sinful actions? What if I feel really, really bad? After all, it’s what’s in my heart that matters.

At what point does my feeling bad outweigh what I’ve done? Well, as Christians, we believe that nothing but Jesus’ sacrifice can pay for sin. I suggest that what is in my heart is evident, proven by what I say and do, whether good or bad – not by how I feel. (“If anyone loves me, he will keep My word.” John 14:23) My friends, please remember that sanctification is a process. Salvation from eternal flames takes place when we accept Jesus as our savior. Working out that salvation – living holy – is a daily, lifelong event. And you and I will fail at this. God’s gracious answer for our weakness is repentance. Repentance, like love, is not a feeling. Repentance is an action, a lifestyle change rooted in love as Jesus confirms in John 14:23. Love is the fuel for holiness.

So if I feel bad about doing something wrong, my feelings account for nothing if I do not turn away from my sin and walk in repentance. Jake’s feelings account for nothing unless he actually stops abusing and taking advantage of Carrie. It is vital we understand that our Father will judge us based on our actions. If Holy Spirit convicts us of sin, it’s not because He wants us to feel bad, it’s because he wants us to stop. As His sons and daughters, we will not be judged by how we feel. We will be judged by what we do and why. Some cling to a perverted version of grace believing sin and repentance are small matters. They choose to read no farther than “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus…” But we students of the Word and lovers of truth read on: “For to be carnally minded is death…”,”Those who are in the flesh cannot please God…”, “For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.” – Romans 8. If we do not live holy lifestyles by the power of God’s Spirit, we will be held accountable. As Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” – John 8:11.

It’s easy to become discouraged, especially if we have an understanding that once we accept Jesus as our savior, life becomes easy, all our problems and issues go away, and Louie Armstrong’s version of “What A Wonderful World” becomes the soundtrack to daily life. But in reality, we get tempted. Or disrespected. Or fired. Or someone gets sick. And then we get tempted again. And again. Remember, we’re not talking about salvation. We’re talking about the next step: sanctification – the process. Do not be discouraged that we are so imperfect. Instead, first be thankful that we are so loved in our imperfection. Second, strive – furiously – to reflect the glory of God through your life and in your body and mind. In other words, live holy. If you’re wondering how that’s possible, don’t wonder. We weren’t created to do it on our own.

I Need A New Nature

What we need, what God desires for us, can’t come from us. We can only become holy by God’s Spirit. But first, we have to accept that apart from God’s power, we will fail, fail miserably, time and time again. So, let’s talk about humility. Think of humility as nothing more or less than complete dependence on God for all things. Obviously, it is a lifestyle grounded in love. We can only deny ourselves and follow Jesus when we are willing to accept God’s nature in place of our own. We cannot walk this walk by trying to survive on desire, strength, or will power. These sources of fuel run out. Love is the fuel we need. Sin is overwhelming. Apart from trust in Jesus, you and I deserve a lake of eternal fire. We don’t want to hear it, but we are not good. We cannot be good. Our heart is only as good as our behavior. Clearly, we are all sinners. If we could stand against sin, we wouldn’t need a savior. What matters is what’s in your heart. If you’re not sure what that is, let’s look and see. What kinds of things do you think about? What kinds of things do you talk about? How do you treat yourself? How do you treat the women in your life? How about the men? How do you treat children?

If you’re having bad feelings about having feelings at all, remember that God created us to be dependent on Him as our All-sustaining Father. Whenever we deviate from depending on Him, we sin. “…for without Me you can do nothing.” – Jesus, John 15.

Continue to Part II…

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Filed under: Humility, Surrender, Will Power Tagged: addiction, christianity, emotions, feelings, freedom, holiness, humility, peace, personal growth, pride