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Why Do We Avoid Discussing Our Different Beliefs With Others?

By Mike Edwards

Politics/science has joined organized religion in possessing an unfortunate quality. Spiritual and political discussions are important as they help guide our values as individuals or as a nation. Science discussions are important as health decisions are made such as responding to Covid. Freedom of personal Beliefs is trampled upon by denying open debate. The truth is certainty doesn’t always exist. Climate debates are critical to decide the greatest human flourishing. Christian leaders claim God and the Bible condemns gays without acknowledging contrary biblical interpretations. We must recognize our fears that lead to denying or avoiding discussions. 

There are universal certainties not subject to debate 

No rational person argues that physical or sexual abuse is up for debate. Moral truths are not determined by a Book, popular opinion, or by a few in power. We all have an inborn sense of good and evil. Concerning non-universal matters such as immigration policies, we must have open discussions which laws are the most caring for the greater good. Most religions agree the overriding moral guide is to love others like you want to be loved. Belief or lack of belief in God doesn’t give you an excuse to not treat others like you want to be treated.

We fear consequences for sharing our beliefs

We may avoid discussions because we don’t have to take action if we don’t bother to consider believing differently. Being treated unjustly though may be a bigger fear. Both Republicans and Democrats in the past have denied the results of elections. You decide if there has been equal justice in this arena recently. Disagreeing with the perceived popular science narrative or disagreeing with church leadership about God’s character can lead to isolation or being blacklisted. Thriving societies must support individuals being allowed to form their own opinions without threats when universal agreement isn’t obvious. Why is one afraid to defend their view, if they know the “truth”?

We fear not fitting in

Groupthink is just human nature. Most humans desire to integrate with a group, get along with its members, and benefit from them. Discussing opposing beliefs can be uncomfortable. The loner must fend for himself. It’s extremely difficult to acquire or achieve anything all by oneself. If you leave your group, your options are limited to joining the opposing group or being alone. For most of us, neither option is appealing. Being your own person is a tough business.

We fear loss of security

Threats of losing your job are undeniable due to the assault on freedom of one’s opinion. One may not oppose censoring activities for fear losing their livelihood because they disagree with the popular, uncertain narrative. In politics differing with the popular opinion might not lead to reelection. Pastors risk being kicked out of the pulpit. It is a human right to disagree if one is not inciting physical violence toward others. I am convinced racism is evil (that blacks are an inferior race), but I must debate those who are free to disagree. I will win the debate!

Fear of liability 

Many pushed for mandates for the Covid Shots because they believe in what authorities were telling them. The claim that the Shots stopped infection and transmission turned out to be false. It is understandable to believe authority figures are telling you the truth initially, but there is no excuse for continuing to deny evidences that has come forth. Worse, if one knew the truth from the beginning and yet still pushed a lie, they rightly should fear liability and be held accountable. We seem to have lost sight that it isn’t real science if there isn’t debate – science is ever evolving.

Fear of loss of power and control

Unfortunately, many fear not only losing their job but losing control and power. It doesn’t matter if you think you are right and doing what is best for the good of the land. Certainty is an illusion unless talking about universal evil such as rape or incest. Try claiming certainty in your personal relationships. If married you are probably headed toward divorce. Individuals must have the freedom to decide what is the best decision for themselves, or the powerful rule the powerless. Individual freedom is a higher principle than lording over others what you “think” is right. You may be wrong! Control and power flourish when others are not allowed to discuss alternative opinions. One way to judge one’s motive is to demand answers for refusing to debate. If one is sure they are right for the good of all, why fear convincing others in the public arena?

Fear of uncertainty

Certainty rather than uncertainty is more comforting psychologically. One may believe what seems to be the popular narrative because unknowing can lead to anxiety. One can avoid anxiety by not discussing their beliefs with others who believe differently. For one to question a main belief they have been taught in church all their life, such as if Hell is real, can create anxiety about what other beliefs may be questionable. Also, uncertainty is often viewed as doubting, which is frowned upon in Christian circles. Similarly, questioning the uncertainty if the Covid shots are safe and effective, if we have gotten the shots, can raised anxiety and fear about our health.

We fear lack of civility

Disagreements are normal in relationships. We must talk to others like we want to be talked to. We must control our emotions. We can’t have discussions with those who are rude or close-minded. We can’t always prove what we believe is true about God. We can’t claim without debate if our climate control measures are best for the most human flourishing. We all must discuss differences calmly, accepting that misinformation isn’t opinions that don’t agree with your own. 

Imagine a world….

  • If we were open to defending our beliefs civilly
  • If we closely guarded one’s freedom to choose when the possibility exist you could be wrong
  • If we stopped calling those who disagreed with us heretics or conspiracists
  • If politicians encouraged open discussions to better discern together the greatest good for all
  • If Christians didn’t always claim their biblical interpretation is correct

When one does not respect your individual freedom to believe as you think best, there can be no discussion. Anyone who threatens to end a relationship because of a difference of opinion is not worthy of your friendship. Confrontation must sometimes take place with friends for one’s silence can be harmful to others; politicians must be voted out; one may have to discover new places for spiritual growth besides their current place of worship.

Why Do We Avoid Discussing Our Different Beliefs With Others?

Mike Edwards has been writing for Done with Religion for some time and has been a great addition to the site. He couldn’t find enough people to discuss God openly so he started blogging years ago. Mike also has his own site where he writes that can be found at What God May Really Be Like  He can be contacted by email at: [email protected]



This post first appeared on Done With Religion | The Writings Of Jim Gordon,, please read the originial post: here

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