by Jim Gordon

After all the years I spent in Church and being taught the various Bible stories, I always thought I had everything about God figured out. I thought I knew everything there was to know to have fellowship with God and do what was “right” for a Christian to do.

I have found this to be a common feeling among many Christian people. We think by listening to the pastor and doing some Bible reading, we have all the answers and do not need to seek out any other ways of looking at things.

Yet, as time went by, I began having some questions on things that did not make sense to me. I would notice now and then that I would even have some doubts. Of course, I did not pursue any of these questions or doubts because a ‘good’ Christian does not do that. To question or Doubt was the fastest way to show you had very little faith.

As the years went by, I became a little more open to seriously wondering about some of the things I was taught in church. I started reading some books by others who felt the same way. I came to the conclusion that God was big enough to handle my questions and doubts, so I no longer felt guilty about having them. More and more people are coming to this same conclusion and are beginning to question and challenge some of the things they were taught.

I notice that some people begin to ask questions, but quickly feel guilty for doing so and go back to their old way of keeping quiet and not asking questions. Others begin to doubt and question and end up completely leaving their faith. It is sad when that happens, but everyone is certainly entitled to follow what they feel is right for them. Still others, such as me, started learning new things, found new interpretations, changed their way of thinking, changed some of their basic doctrinal beliefs and left the institutional church but did not leave their faith in God.

I soon realized I was participating in something I came to know as deconstruction. I did not know there was an actual term for what I was going through. This is common now and there is certainly nothing wrong with it. Basically, it is questioning your faith and what you were taught over the years, throwing out some things, changing your mind on some things and then starting to see some things in a new way.

The more I think about it, I think that doubts, questions, deconstruction and reconstruction will be something that never ends. I think this will be the norm for the rest of my earthly life. I personally think if we stop wondering and stop questioning, we will become stagnant in our faith. God is so much bigger than we realize, and there are so many more things to learn than what we have been taught throughout our time in church. If you are having some questions and doubts about your faith, do not feel guilty about it. Follow them and trust the Holy Spirit within you to guide you into more truth. Never stop seeking to grow in the grace and knowledge of the love of God.

Jim Gordon and his wife left the institutional church after spending over fifty years within the system. Jim wanted a way to express his thoughts and concerns about the religious system and why he and his wife decided to leave the institution but not their faith in God. Jim can be contacted by email at: [email protected]