My answer to this is "no" - definitely not! Are we a patriarchal society? Sort of, depending on your definition, but this requires qualification.
In today's world, people are largely distrustful of Patriarchal - or paternalistic - societies, and with good reason. Throughout history, too many patriarchal societies have deviated from their founding principles and become paternalistic, even downright misogynistic. I would argue that, to our shame, some elements of American society have long been this way - a phenomenon which in no small part inspired "women's liberation".
The Difference Between Paternalist and Patriarchal
The way I understand these terms, "paternalist" refers to oppressive rule by men, whereas "patriarchal" - especially of a benevolent kind - simply means "governed by men". The world of late has begun to use even the word "patriarchal" to imply oppression upon women. For purposes of discussion in this article, I will hold to the traditional definition.
In the Mormon Church, as in the Bible, the men hold the priesthood. The men hold about half of the governing offices in the Church. Is the Mormon Church "governed by men?" Yes, though not by as wide a margin as the world believes.
Men,Women, and Personal Revelation
There are those who claim that, in the Mormon Church, only men receive revelation. This is untrue. Each member of the Church, whether man or woman, prophet, apostle, relief society president (woman), primary president (also a woman), mother or father, husband or wife, is able to receive personal revelation to govern affairs within their sphere of influence. This certainly includes the home environment.
For examples from the Bible of people receiving personal revelation, see:
- The Father reveals to Peter that Jesus is His Son - Matthew 16:15-17
- Mary is visited by an angel, instructed to name Him JESUS - Luke 1:26-31
- anyone can pray and receive wisdom and guidance from God - James 1:5-6
These biblical examples embody the Mormon doctrine of personal revelation as it applies to all members of the Church and even all those who counsel with God in anything.
LDS Lower Light: How to Obtain a Spiritual Witness
LDS Lower Light: How to Pray
LDS Lower Light: How to Obtain a Spiritual Witness
LDS Lower Light: How to Pray
Patriarchal vs. Paternalistic
The society which Mormons and mainstream Christians alike claim to emulate - the Jews - was benevolently patriarchal. While the law of Moses did give some regulations that placed women as subordinate to their fathers or husbands - a thing which has faded since the fulfillment of that law by the Savior's sacrifice, nowhere does the Bible excuse paternalism or misogyny - not in the least! The Bible does, however, describe societies that wrongfully used their religion to justify such attitudes and practices anyway.
In the Mormon Church, a paternalistic or domineering approach in our positions in the Church or in our homes is strictly forbidden. Such behavior can disqualify members from holding a temple recommend. If blatant misogyny or a consistent pattern of abuse of any kind is manifest and not repented of, excommunication will be the likely consequence. The Mormon Church does not tolerate mistreatment or oppression of girls or women under any circumstances!
The holding of some offices and performing of some duties requires priesthood authority and so precludes any who do not hold the requisite authority - including men. Some offices can only be held by women. Men are not considered for these positions. When there is opportunity for both men and women to be considered for a given responsibility or privilege, all candidates are prayerfully and equally considered. I, for one, have never ever seen any leader of my church exhibit any degree of what I would call prejudice toward women. However, given the imperfect nature of all people, Mormon or not, I'm sure there have been such occurrences.
While the Mormon Church may loosely be described as a benevolent patriarchal society - a genuine faith-driven anachronism in today's faithless world - it most certainly is not paternalistic. If you don't believe me, ask my Mom, my wife, and my little sister - all of whom always have and always will "wear the pants" in my life!
Why Aren't Mormon Women Ordained to the Priesthood?
Why Aren't Mormon Women Ordained to the Priesthood?
Patriarchal Society: Not Actually a Bad Thing!
Yes, the Mormon Church is something of a patriarchal society.
As a lifelong member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, having compared Mormon society at length to that which I see all around me and on the news, I am compelled to challenge the world's dogmatic presupposition that this is a bad thing.
Eternal Family and Patriarchal Society Are What We Make of Them
One night while I was serving as an LDS missionary, my companion and were proselyting in an area where people were sitting outside in lawn chairs all up and down the street on a Friday night - a common sight in Venezuela. We approached one group and offered to teach them how they could have an eternal Family. One man's response caught me off guard: he said, "I don't want my family to be eternal!"
When I asked him why, he told me of his parents arguing and abusing him as a child, of his rocky marriage with his wife, and of his children, some of whom no longer communicate with him. I could hardly blame him. Who would want that to be eternal?!
He seemed deeply envious as I described my family life of countless family home evenings (an LDS tradition that brings us together on Mondays for fun and mutual instruction in the gospel), innumerable family outings, the peace we enjoyed in our home, our parents' solid marriage, the fact that I had left home, not to get away from my family, but to to teach others how to have what I had. Had he accepted our offer to teach him, I would have been quick to show him the part that the patriarchal nature of our family has played in its success.
I heard of one Mormon family who adopted a girl that was not Mormon. After some days of living with them, she asked the mom, "Are you guys for real?" The relative lack of yelling and arguing, the utter absence of the abuses that were so familiar to her, and the frequent demonstrations of kindness and camaraderie were so completely outside her reality that even several days of seeing it firsthand had not been enough to convince her this wasn't some kind of show for the adoption agency. Yet this is precisely the reality in which I grew up, thanks in no small part, to my traditional mother and father, guiding our family together, in love.
The Inestimable Value of Women in Patriarchal Society
An ungodly society such as ours, by its very nature, gravely undervalues the contribution of its women to the godliness of society and to the familial felicity which such godliness engenders. As one who was raised in a godly family and society, by a godly mother, I hereby attest that a benevolent patriarchal society such as Mormonism inherently enhances, preserves, and transmits the values that secure this kind of happiness to its heirs in every generation. The "felicity" of which I speak is a kind of genuine spiritual happiness which, for the most part, is now long lost on the world. Why? Because, in recent decades, Mother has not come home from her worldly endeavors long enough to learn for herself - let alone teach us - the critical importance of loving God and our fellowmen.
The Eternal Accolades of Motherhood
For her selfless sacrifice in this thing, above all other reasons, I will forever give honor to and thank God for my Mother!
Eternal Family and Patriarchal Society Are What We Make of Them
One night while I was serving as an LDS missionary, my companion and were proselyting in an area where people were sitting outside in lawn chairs all up and down the street on a Friday night - a common sight in Venezuela. We approached one group and offered to teach them how they could have an eternal Family. One man's response caught me off guard: he said, "I don't want my family to be eternal!"
When I asked him why, he told me of his parents arguing and abusing him as a child, of his rocky marriage with his wife, and of his children, some of whom no longer communicate with him. I could hardly blame him. Who would want that to be eternal?!
He seemed deeply envious as I described my family life of countless family home evenings (an LDS tradition that brings us together on Mondays for fun and mutual instruction in the gospel), innumerable family outings, the peace we enjoyed in our home, our parents' solid marriage, the fact that I had left home, not to get away from my family, but to to teach others how to have what I had. Had he accepted our offer to teach him, I would have been quick to show him the part that the patriarchal nature of our family has played in its success.
I heard of one Mormon family who adopted a girl that was not Mormon. After some days of living with them, she asked the mom, "Are you guys for real?" The relative lack of yelling and arguing, the utter absence of the abuses that were so familiar to her, and the frequent demonstrations of kindness and camaraderie were so completely outside her reality that even several days of seeing it firsthand had not been enough to convince her this wasn't some kind of show for the adoption agency. Yet this is precisely the reality in which I grew up, thanks in no small part, to my traditional mother and father, guiding our family together, in love.
The Inestimable Value of Women in Patriarchal Society
An ungodly society such as ours, by its very nature, gravely undervalues the contribution of its women to the godliness of society and to the familial felicity which such godliness engenders. As one who was raised in a godly family and society, by a godly mother, I hereby attest that a benevolent patriarchal society such as Mormonism inherently enhances, preserves, and transmits the values that secure this kind of happiness to its heirs in every generation. The "felicity" of which I speak is a kind of genuine spiritual happiness which, for the most part, is now long lost on the world. Why? Because, in recent decades, Mother has not come home from her worldly endeavors long enough to learn for herself - let alone teach us - the critical importance of loving God and our fellowmen.
The Eternal Accolades of Motherhood
For her selfless sacrifice in this thing, above all other reasons, I will forever give honor to and thank God for my Mother!
How many people in our society can honestly say they feel this way about their mothers? How can the accolades of the world even hold a candle to the joy my Mother has experienced, watching my siblings and me grow up, seeing our accomplishments, knowing of our appreciation and love for her because of all she has done? She herself will tell you; they cannot!
Peace, Joy and Praise for Homemaking
So many in the world today demean the role of a homemaker. Either that, or they accuse her of demeaning herself. But having been the primary beneficiary of my wife's homemaking services and having "subbed" for her on multiple occasions, I can tell you firsthand: homemaking is no small job, and it deserves every bit as much recognition as any career ever will!
Employees in a corporate environment are lucky if they are permitted to learn and fill more than one or two significant roles during their tenure. Because of dependencies created in the workplace, the sociality between male and female coworkers often creates a bond that can, in turn, either create or destroy a marriage.
My wife is an expert wearer of many hats in our home. My wife is my agent, my attorney, my secretary, my vice president, my CEO, my CFO, my internal accountant, my HR manager, my media specialist, my nanny, my cheering section. She's my "everything" expert. She's smart. She's savvy. She gets the job done, and she doesn't get pushed around by our "vendors". The pay isn't great, but she gets for her trouble unrestricted access to the company car and credit card, countless precious moments of inspiration and entertainment from our kids, and lots of hugs and foot rubs from me. She can make out with the so-called "boss" (an exaggerated rumor concerning yours truly) on the job, and her co-workers will cheer for her instead of thinking less of her. Actually, my six-year-old will cover his eyes and say, "Ewww, gross!" - semantics! I can have unrestricted sociality with any one of these female roles played by my wife - even to the point of showering all of them with shameless appreciation and intimate confidence, and rest assured that my wife will be the grateful and trusting recipient of the bond thus created. We depend on each other, and, though we're not perfect at it, we sacrifice to be there for each other. That's a powerful bond! That's the joy of marriage within the framework of a benevolent patriarchal society!
For my wife's assessment of our family life, see her blog.
But Wait Just a Minute.... What About Women's Lib?
The fact that she does all this may trigger "paternalist" alarms in some people's heads. But the fact that she does these things without my asking is just one of a few million things that I love about her. It is my primary motivation for seeking opportunity serve and care for her without her having to ask. Hence the "familial felicity" which she and I enjoy together!
The Mormon Church encourages its women to pursue higher education and their dreams, including careers if that is their wish. As a matter of fact, some time ago, the late President Gordon B. Hinckley announced in the priesthood session of General Conference that there are now more women than men in the Church who have Masters and Ph.D degrees. The Church has even been known to participate in or sponsor local initiatives to deal with the "glass ceiling", equal education opportunity, equal employment opportunity, and the like. The Church counsels women to participate in up-building activities of every kind and to enjoy the freedoms that have come to women in our society.
But, always, the Church counsels Mormon women to remember that their primary responsibility is in the home. The Church continually reminds us that the abrogation of domestic duty on the part of either husband or wife will have serious consequences for any society that entertains it.
The Loss of Patriarchal Society and of Traditional Values
We are now seeing this particular brand of writing on the wall in our own society. Few know the joys of parenting or marriage anymore, because so few do them anymore. Increasingly few seem to have a grasp of basic moral principles, because so few of us ever experienced being taught these things in our youth. Our society is in a state of ever-increasing political and economic turmoil as a result of our mothers putting their careers ahead of our moral instruction.
More than twenty years ago, President Gordon B. Hinckley, our prophet at that time, guided the Twelve Apostles in releasing a prophetic proclamation to the world, warning that this would be the case. We are now seeing with increasing regularity the fulfillment of the warnings contained therein.
Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World published by President Hinckley and the Twelve Apostles in September of 1995.
The loss of patriarchal society in America has cost us the ability to transmit traditional American values down to the rising generations - the values that once made this country not just free, but also both great and good. As a result, our once mighty nation is no longer as free, as great, or as good as it once was. The loss of patriarchal society and of the moral values which it preserves has cost too many of us the ability to enjoy the incalculable blessing of a happy family. For a discussion on the significance of the loss of these values and of the impact this will continue to have on society if it goes unchecked, please see my articles on the Ten Commandments.
