I struggled this morning with what to name this post. I like to title my posts with catchy titles. This morning...it just is what it is. If you read my post Serving with Excellence then you know how important it is to do everything we do as unto the Lord. Anything less is not serving with excellence. We don't give 80% to the task we are trying to complete and say we have done our best..and done it with excellence.
But there is another aspect to serving with excellence. It is one that I know I personally can struggle with from time to time. I think all women do. What is it, you ask? Discontentment and complaining. I caught myself doing this over the weekend. I think discontentment is like a ninja that sneaks up on us before we realize what it is, what it's intent is, and how to handle it. I believe discontentment is born out of complaining. Let me give you an example.
Every mom and wife wishes to hear job well done, right? Stay at home moms feel the most unappreciated and overlooked, I think. This happened to me this weekend. Sometimes I look for a "the house looks great, honey." or anything that closely resembles a comment, a pat on the back, a compliment. When I got none of those, my first thought was something along the lines of "Doesn't he know how hard I have worked? Doesn't he even care about how great his house looks? How hard it would be for him to give me a thank you or an 'atta girl''"?
Ok...so stop here. Do you know what those thoughts were? They were depth charges. Remember watching those old war movies with the ships on the surface trying to blow the submarines out of the water so they released these barrels over the side that blew up next to the submarine? They didn't always hit the submarine...technology wasn't then what it is today. They shook the submarines and sometimes caused them to spring leaks. Those thoughts I had were depth charges. They were designed by the enemy to see how much I could be shaken before I developed a weakness and allowed in something that might damage or even sink my relationship with my Husband.
Am I the only one that has ever had these kinds of thoughts? "If he would just..." "If my kids would just..." (Cause we all know how radioactive a teenager's bedroom is, right?!?)
These thoughts are disruptive. These thoughts breed discontment, which breeds resentment, which leads to hurt, then morphs into anger. Then all of a sudden we are exploding at our husbands or our children and the poor dears are just sitting there with their hands in the air wondering what on earth they could have possibly done. We women like to be martyrs. We don't always communicate with the people in our lives. We have a tendency to expect them to just know what we are thinking at all times. That not only is unfair to them, it is an unreal expectation of what our relationships should be like.
Is being discontent really dangerous to us? Well, yes. Discontentment is the same as complaining about something. Discontentment is complaining against God. He made it clear dealing with the children of Israel what He thought about their complaining and how they felt about His provision through the wilderness. In Exodus 16:2-3 we see where they complained about not having anything to eat after God had performed miracle after miracle to set them free from bondage. They then questioned His ability to provide in the wilderness. They cried out to Moses and said it would have been better they stay slaves! And then...after God rained manna down from heaven, in Exodus 17:2-3 the children of Israel are once again dissatisfied with their situation. They again tell Moses they should have just stayed in Egypt. What was Moses response to them this time? "Why do you tempt the Lord?" And if you want to know what God did in response to their complaining, you can read Numbers 14:26-29.
I had to check my thoughts this weekend because one of the things that I have been studying and we have all been sharing is perspective and Focus. What we focus on determines the perspective with which we see a situation. I will use Paul as an example. In the post Prison Shaking Focus, we looked at the imprisonment of Paul and Silas. How easy would it have been for Paul and Silas to lose their focus on the One that could deliver them and complain about where they were...but what they did was maintain their focus, keeping their perspective in place and praised the Lord through it all. I will be honest here...I am not sure it would have been easy for me to maintain the right focus and proper perspective while my feet were in stocks and I was locked behind bars. BUT, Paul knew how to be content no matter what was going on with him. Look what he said to the Philippians:
Philippians 4:11-12 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: (12) I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
But there is another aspect to serving with excellence. It is one that I know I personally can struggle with from time to time. I think all women do. What is it, you ask? Discontentment and complaining. I caught myself doing this over the weekend. I think discontentment is like a ninja that sneaks up on us before we realize what it is, what it's intent is, and how to handle it. I believe discontentment is born out of complaining. Let me give you an example.
Every mom and wife wishes to hear job well done, right? Stay at home moms feel the most unappreciated and overlooked, I think. This happened to me this weekend. Sometimes I look for a "the house looks great, honey." or anything that closely resembles a comment, a pat on the back, a compliment. When I got none of those, my first thought was something along the lines of "Doesn't he know how hard I have worked? Doesn't he even care about how great his house looks? How hard it would be for him to give me a thank you or an 'atta girl''"?
Ok...so stop here. Do you know what those thoughts were? They were depth charges. Remember watching those old war movies with the ships on the surface trying to blow the submarines out of the water so they released these barrels over the side that blew up next to the submarine? They didn't always hit the submarine...technology wasn't then what it is today. They shook the submarines and sometimes caused them to spring leaks. Those thoughts I had were depth charges. They were designed by the enemy to see how much I could be shaken before I developed a weakness and allowed in something that might damage or even sink my relationship with my Husband.
Am I the only one that has ever had these kinds of thoughts? "If he would just..." "If my kids would just..." (Cause we all know how radioactive a teenager's bedroom is, right?!?)
These thoughts are disruptive. These thoughts breed discontment, which breeds resentment, which leads to hurt, then morphs into anger. Then all of a sudden we are exploding at our husbands or our children and the poor dears are just sitting there with their hands in the air wondering what on earth they could have possibly done. We women like to be martyrs. We don't always communicate with the people in our lives. We have a tendency to expect them to just know what we are thinking at all times. That not only is unfair to them, it is an unreal expectation of what our relationships should be like.
Is being discontent really dangerous to us? Well, yes. Discontentment is the same as complaining about something. Discontentment is complaining against God. He made it clear dealing with the children of Israel what He thought about their complaining and how they felt about His provision through the wilderness. In Exodus 16:2-3 we see where they complained about not having anything to eat after God had performed miracle after miracle to set them free from bondage. They then questioned His ability to provide in the wilderness. They cried out to Moses and said it would have been better they stay slaves! And then...after God rained manna down from heaven, in Exodus 17:2-3 the children of Israel are once again dissatisfied with their situation. They again tell Moses they should have just stayed in Egypt. What was Moses response to them this time? "Why do you tempt the Lord?" And if you want to know what God did in response to their complaining, you can read Numbers 14:26-29.
I had to check my thoughts this weekend because one of the things that I have been studying and we have all been sharing is perspective and Focus. What we focus on determines the perspective with which we see a situation. I will use Paul as an example. In the post Prison Shaking Focus, we looked at the imprisonment of Paul and Silas. How easy would it have been for Paul and Silas to lose their focus on the One that could deliver them and complain about where they were...but what they did was maintain their focus, keeping their perspective in place and praised the Lord through it all. I will be honest here...I am not sure it would have been easy for me to maintain the right focus and proper perspective while my feet were in stocks and I was locked behind bars. BUT, Paul knew how to be content no matter what was going on with him. Look what he said to the Philippians:
Philippians 4:11-12 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: (12) I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
"In whatever state I am..." So how do we learn to be content no matter what is going on, what compliments we receive or what "atta girls" we get? We take every thought captive.
2 Corinthians 10:4-6 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, (5) casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, (6) and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.
We are to bring every thought captive. Notice I put emphasis on "every." We are not to just hold captive the bad thoughts, but the good thoughts, too. EVERY thought should be under the subjection of Jesus Christ. So, how do we take a thought captive? We use the word of God. For example. If my husband doesn't say thank you for washing and putting away his clothes, I have to remember that I do not do these things for his approval. Would it be nice to have? Yes. Is it necessary? No. Why? Because I am to do all things as unto the Lord.
Colossians 3:17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
Colossians 3:23-24 And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, (24) knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.
If we are to maintain the proper focus, then we have to tell our minds several things so that we are able to take captive those ninja depth charges that would try and shake our marriages. Focus on the love you have for your husband and your children to help bring your thoughts out of the darkness. Focus on the love the Father has for you...and you for Him. If I truly have the love of God in my heart, then would I find it necessary to complain about what I am not getting from man in return? Jesus Christ has already given me everything! He gave me His life through His death. He gave me His grace and forgiveness for my sins. He gave me His unconditional love and promised to never leave me or forsake me. He gives me rest. He gives me hope. He gives me a safe place in the middle of the storm. So, how can I honor Him and still complain about what man does not give me? How can I place the approval of man above the honor and glory I should give to my Lord and Savior through giving my best and being content no matter the situation?
I know I am not alone in these thoughts. I know that women and men alike often become dissatisfied with their situations. If we do not check our thoughts and ensure they are lining up with the Word of God...taking every thought captive until it does...then we allow resentment in. We begin to think we might be treated better elsewhere or by someone else. Hence we see extramarital affairs even in Christian households. Husbands and wives leave their spouses and children to search for something they consider better. Ladies, I want to encourage you to think about what you are thinking about today. Our husbands and children can be great sources of frustration for us sometimes. But you know what? We can be a source of frustration for them as well. Just remember Isaiah 54:5
Isaiah 54:5 For your Maker is your husband, The LORD of hosts is His name; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth.
Now, take every thought captive today. Speak life into your marriage. Do everything you do as unto the Lord. Bless your husband every day. Pray for your husband while you are making the bed or folding his clothes. Be faithful in what you are doing in your marriage and in your relationships and see what God can do for you, with you, and through you. I did not say it would be a easy. But it will be worth it.
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**NOTE: Please understand I am not talking about abusive relationships. I am not talking about the women that are held captive in physically, mentally, or emotionally unhealthy relationships. That is something altogether different and is not what God has intended for any woman to endure. Period. If you are in that kind of relationship, please reach out to someone, to me. There is help available. Remember, God delivered an entire nation of people from the chains of slavery. He can deliver you too.**
**NOTE: Please understand I am not talking about abusive relationships. I am not talking about the women that are held captive in physically, mentally, or emotionally unhealthy relationships. That is something altogether different and is not what God has intended for any woman to endure. Period. If you are in that kind of relationship, please reach out to someone, to me. There is help available. Remember, God delivered an entire nation of people from the chains of slavery. He can deliver you too.**
